Posted on by Amanda Brooks

virtual seeping into real life

I was hoping not to feel the need to address this on any blog but that has changed. For those of you not deeply involved in the online escort community, the furor is over Alexa DiCarlo and her degree of “realness” . She’s a prolific blogger/Tweeter (among other things) and generally spends a lot of time online and active. She’s developed a huge following, mostly mainstream, though every sex worker I know reads her blog or Tweets or is familiar with them.

She and I have corresponded for about two years, if not slightly longer (would have to check but the real info is on my desktop currently in storage). We have written a couple times about this “faux ho” incident. Nothing I say here isn’t anything I haven’t already said to her. No, I have never met her. All our contact has been of the virtual kind.

I have questions I feel are unanswered. Though I have heard questions about who she is for over a year, I didn’t feel that asking her via email would solve anything. I did not think a public airing was the way to get answers either. But it was done. Indeed, what should have been just a discussion — a chance for everyone to say their piece and ask questions — has turned very ugly and non-sex workers feel that sex workers are turning against each other because of the hideous ripple effect happening online. Apparently, some have been moved to make physical threats against her (and her loved ones). This is crossing a major line. Threats solve nothing and I certainly do not support this treatment of Alexa. (That these threats probably can’t be carried out is irrelevant to me. There is no need for threats, period.)

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Posted on by Amanda Brooks

Dec 17, words and remembrance

Today (for me) is December 17 — The International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. The history of it is here and I highly recommend you read it. It’s also particularly relevant today because they’re recently discovered more remains in Oregon of yet another Ridgeway victim.

Dec 17 is our day to remember that stigma kills. Sticks and stones break bones, words like “criminal” “illegal” and “No Human Involved” kill. I encourage you to peruse the list of victims, updated every year through word-of-mouth and news stories. Though no one has done a Google map of the victims yet, I’m willing to bet that the greatest numbers of victims occur in countries where prostitution is illegal. Words — i.e., the local criminal code — kill. Words — i.e., shame –kill.

If you think I’m over-generalizing, think again. Criminalizing and shaming sex workers kills us. Forcing us underground leaves us to the mercy of predators. Though some sex workers embrace their outlaw status, I’ve yet to meet a single one who wouldn’t like to be able to freely press charges when raped or robbed. Every one of us want police to take the murder of a sex worker as seriously as the murder of a college student or housewife. None of us see violence as part of our job description.

Nor do we see shame as part of it either. Shame is a by-product of society, not the work itself. A lot of sex workers unfortunately internalize the shame — as we’ve seen when sex workers commit suicide after arrest or trial. Words can kill.

There are plenty of strident “feminist” voices in mainstream America who wish to abolish all prostitution. Most recently, they won a victory in Rhode Island by getting prostitution criminalized. Aside from the arrests of consenting adults, what do you think will be the consequences of this criminalization? The empowerment of criminals. Not those who are made criminals by an act of words (i.e., exchanging sex for money instead of sex for love), but real criminals — people with the desire to cause harm to others.

Dec 17 is not a day to say that sex work is violent and that all sex workers are going to meet a bad end. Not at all. It is a time to recognize that more needs to be done to prevent us from being targets. The criminalization of prostitution continues to create a class of people who have no rights, including the right to live and their families the right to justice.

Dec 17 is a time to remember my brothers and sisters who were killed merely for working to pay their bills, for doing the same thing I’m doing. Their families rarely receive justice; were something to happen to me, I doubt mine would either. If that turns your stomach — it should.

I feel the real criminals in this situation aren’t even the men who kill sex workers — the real criminals are those who work to uphold the current broken legal system in the US that perpetuates a class of so-called “criminals”, probably the only class of criminals in the world who are simply targets for other criminals. The crimes against sex workers are far worse than our so-called crime (felony robbery, assaults, rape, homicide; compared to misdemeanor charges of prostitution, solicitation or loitering).

Dec 17 is not a time to paint sex workers as victims. Hardly. Few people are willing to go through as much as shit as we do just to put food on the table. The victimization comes not from sex work itself, but from the helpless vulnerability the legal system forces us into. This is true of all countries where prostitution is illegal.

Dec 17 is a time to remember daughters, mothers, sisters, brothers, sons, friends, colleagues. The difference between you and them is only in your mind.

Posted on by Amanda Brooks

desiree alliance conference 2010

Registration is now open for the Desiree Alliance 2010 Conference! I’m so excited! Yes, I’ll be there. No, I don’t plan on presenting. I want to enjoy the full week. (Though I’ll no doubt be doing some on-site volunteering and I’m already doing behind-the-scenes planning work.)

We’re looking to put together an amazing program for everyone who attends, so if you think you might want to present on a range of topics, please submit a proposal! We have 5 different tracks: Academia, Activism/Leadership, Business Development, Arts/Media, Harm Reduction.

I toured the grounds of the conference shortly before I left the States and it’s ideal for everyone. The room rate is great and I’ve already booked my room. It’s going to be very budget-friendly this year too. (Yes, there’s a pool. It’s Vegas in July. Bring sunscreen too.)

Yes, you have to register in advance. Yes, we are screening. This has to be a safe space so the general public just can’t wander in. That being said, you don’t have to be a sex worker to attend. Allies and supporters are always welcome. And no, you don’t have to live in the US to be welcome either.

If you’re not interested in attending but still want to help out, you can always volunteer your time (behind the scenes), services (like printing programs) or just a plain old financial support always helps. DA always offers scholarships ever year so sex workers who are on tight budgets can attend and have their expenses covered. The more money we can raise, the more scholarships can be awarded.

It’s always about networking, learning, making new friends and just seeing friends you haven’t seen in a year! It’s something sex workers in the US rarely get. It’s going to be so great this year!