Posted on by Amanda Brooks

reactions ii

anti-porn parenting tips

A porn actress found Jesus and now finds Jesus for others. She provides helpful hints for parents as to why their little girls might become a porn actress. She and I agree that bad parenting (especially abuse), contributes to problems. She almost gets it in #4, except she decides to define prostitution vs pornography (in order to let everyone know she’s not a prostitute), instead of focusing on the fact that juvenile prostitution is nearly always caused by abusive parents or parents who have kicked their children out of their home. I’ve said it for years: underage prostitution could be eradicated almost entirely by focusing the law on abusive parents and having more readily available resources for abused or homeless children. (This would also remove underage trafficking and lots of people would be out of well-paying jobs and grant money.)

Read more

Posted on by Amanda Brooks

getting away with murder in texas

I had three people send me different links to the same horrible story (Gawker, MSN, and ThinkProgress). I was relieved that the vast majority of the comments show the general population to have some sense. They’re appalled that Lenora Ivie Frago’s life was worth a mere $150. Not to mention a lot of people pointed out he was insisting she perform an illegal act (i.e. sex for money), a crime he apparently was never charged with. Even better were those who understood her right to autonomy and the right to say “no” if she felt like it, that she was a human being and not a piece of property, especially not his piece of property. I can’t imagine the pain her family feels.

It’s a very sad commentary on Texas. It’s no secret to anyone who lives here what a gun-nutty, sexist state it is but…wow. This is a new low, even for our court history of allowing crimes against women to go underpunished.

For those men who want to start whinging about possibly being ripped off $150, stop. If you were planning on giving her the money anyway, then it’s already gone. Your precious penis and your presumed constitutional right to get off is not worth a human life. It really, truly is not. You’re not that special. Consider your lost money a lesson learned, and try to find someone else you think you might be more be in tune with your desires. (Escorts get ripped off all the time and they learn to tighten up their business practices. They dust themselves off and try again. This is the correct, mature, response.)

After all, Ezekiel Gilbert clearly had the money to spend tens of thousands on his defense. So why was he so upset over losing $150 he was going to spend anyway? He whines about how hard his life has been over the past four years and how he has nightmares. He could have avoided all that drama by not shooting and killing Lenora. How easy and simple to avoid all these problems! Put the damn gun down, get back to Google and find a new escort. There’s not a single escort in the country who costs more than a criminal defense attorney in a murder case.

He got away with murder because he truly got a jury of his peers. I wish every one of their names could be discovered and put on national blacklists. They set him free and therefore they believe it’s right and proper to kill sex workers who don’t do exactly as demanded. This is a horrific precedent, especially for sex workers who see clients in the evening.

Looked at it from another angle, the jury sort of sees prostitution as a legal business transaction. If that’s the case, then anytime a client beats, rapes, or rips off a prostitute at night, she should lethally shoot him (quite a few sex workers carry guns). If this case is going to be a precedent, then let it be a true precedent.

Realistically, the status quo doesn’t change. Escorts who blatantly state what they will and won’t do for money are setting themselves up for arrest. Or they can be coy, avoid arrest, and set themselves up for disappointed clients who decide to kill them. Either way, their lives are ruined. Their clients’ lives are not.

PS: I hope Gilbert changes whatever career he currently has and takes a service-industry job in Texas, preferably on the night shift. He just doesn’t strike me as someone who can get an order right, such as whether or not I want fries with that and please hold the mayo. At the very least, I hope he never gets to hire another escort again. These articles are even better than a blacklist.

Afterthoughts:

Does this mean that the deaths of strip club bouncers will go unpunished? Every year, some strip club bouncer is shot to death in Dallas, either trying to remove a [drunk, angry] patron or later in the parking lot as revenge, often for protecting the strippers. These men could be seen as thieves just as Lenora was. It’s a very strong possibility. It’s bad enough some of these low-paid, high-risk employees get killed because of stupidity (not theirs) but now there could be no hope of justice for their families either.

I have fantasized about Gilbert being cross-examined during his trial like rape victims are. Has he given away money before? What exactly, is his history of charitable donations? (do full audit in court). Does he have an established pattern of charitable donations to individuals or organizations? Has he ever been robbed before, in any circumstance? Has he ever been shortchanged at a store, or rendered poor service in a restaurant? Does he have a history of fighting back against these injustices or just letting it slide? Has he purchased items off Craigslist or eBay that were not as described? Did he leave negative feedback or shoot the seller? Does he have a habit of inviting strangers to his home at night with promises of giving them money?

Posted on by Amanda Brooks

verified vs reviewed

The Suzy Hamilton scandal begs tons of comment, mostly about the civilians who can’t wait to wag their tongues on something they know nothing about. If I’ve read the articles and comments correctly, it appears Suzy is insane and not only invented the concept of prostitution, she is the first prostitute in America, the first escort who is a mother and wife, the first American female athlete to be involved in scandal and certainly the first Olympic athlete to make money by using her body…oh wait, nevermind all that.

One thing that did cross my mind was the matter of her reviews. I’m tossing out an idea in the hopes that someone will run with it. Over the years, I’ve been contacted by people wanting to start review/discussion boards or advertising malls. I’ve never been completely enthused with any proposed idea because it’s all been done before. Please, for once, steal this!! (Instead of just posting somewhat-altered excerpts of my books on your site for content.)

verified escorts

This is a very simple concept that requires very little start-up capital, relatively little in the way of operating expenses and will turn a profit because the concept will be embraced. Instead of reviews — which get reprinted in a scandal or used as evidence for arrest — an escort gets verified as legitimate. All that means is the “verifier” (not “reviewer”) checks a few Yes or No questions. The questions would revolve around the concept of paying for time, not sex. Selling time is perfectly legal. Selling sex is not. The only thing being verified is that the escort sold her time as promised. Verification without incrimination.

The concept would attract almost all escorts. Everyone wants to be seen as legit. The problem with reviews is that it cuts out a lot of escorts who are averse to having intimate moments splashed all over the public domain. It’s a very sane concern. Being verified as legitimate without public embarrassment is an idea whose time has come. I haven’t seen anything like this yet, but would certainly like to.

There isn’t any real point to review sites, other than providing circle-jerk fodder for the hobbyists who live and die by what another man says. A lot of escorts don’t enjoy being part of that, even if they allow reviews. They go along with reviews because it supposedly legitimizes their business, while giving up a lot of autonomy to the individual reviewers and the review site itself. The solution is obvious: a site that legitimizes their business without degradation or incrimination. Of course, such a site would get a ton of backlash from hardcore hobbyists because it removes a lot of their power. I imagine a lot of escorts would like the site for that very reason.

But I can also see the site attracting clients who aren’t hobbyists and aren’t enchanted by the review culture either. If they can discreetly verify an escort without having to write a porn-script about their time together, I think they would. Good clients have nothing against helping out the business of an escort they like, they just don’t want to leave an incriminating, embarrassing trail of their own. It’s a very sane concern. There are a lot of those men out there. I know, I’ve met them. So have other escorts.

the site

The site would keep it simple. No forums, no private messaging. Everyone has a public profile, there are no hidden portions of their profiles or anything else on the site (except, of course, personal control panels). The whole point of the site would be simplicity and as much transparency as possible.

A bare bones site would keep administrative costs down. No memberships would be sold; money would be made by selling ad-space (banner or badge ads) to escorts. No ads for sex sites, porn sites, cam sites or sugardaddy sites because these things not only trash the appeal of the verification site but escorts are tired of competing with these other sites for attention on escort-centric sites. (I could see this branching into the sugardaddy territory because that industry needs something like this, desperately. Would be best as a separate site since some of the concerns are different.) Do nothing that requires ID, nothing that requires any sort of 2257 statement, nothing that requires monitoring and censoring text. Make the escort directory extensive but extremely affordable. Make receiving payments simple and as diverse as possible: money orders, Moneypaks, wire transfers, prepaid credit cards, Paypal.

The yearly costs of operating such a site would be low compared to the typical huge review/discussion site, so a profit could probably be turned in the first year. Though the site probably won’t make the money a huge review site does, neither would it get as legally complicated for everyone either. As with anything in life, the more complex something is, the more people involved, the more problems will arise. Keeping it simple cuts a lot of that risk.

Everyone’s public profile would have an automatic running tally of positive vs failed verifications (a No to any question is a fail). The idea of making the profiles public creates transparency and removes finance from the equation. The site makes money from its advertising space, not by skewing the verification game or treading the lines of public incrimination.

Granted, this site would run into the problem of false verifications. But so what? Offering a free membership in exchange for reviews leads to rampant fake reviews. Review boards aren’t perfect and so far, they’ve caused more problems than they seem to solve — usually due to the interactive nature of the boards and the explicit, public nature of the reviews. Take away those issues and what’s left should be a much smoother experience for everyone.

The beauty of simplicity is that the same Yes or No questions could apply to all sorts of adult entertainment providers: social-only escorts, BDSM, massage, private dancers, etc. Every provider’s public profile would link to their main ad or their website, which takes all the guesswork out of how they entertain. It means the site isn’t responsible for deciding who does what based on a set of possibly-incriminating criteria.

The site, by its low-key nature, would probably attract a slightly more discreet crowd than the average review site, but that’s okay. There’s a market for it, one whose needs are absolutely not being met.

the verifiers

Verifiers could choose the names they have on review boards, if they wished. They would be allowed a public profile page where they could list other boards they’re members of, if any. They would answer a few key Yes or No questions about the provider:

  • Was she as described?
  • Is she who she says she is?
  • Did she screen you?
  • Did she arrive on time?
  • Did you feel safe with her?
  • Was her rate the same as on her website? (i.e. No mandatory tipping, no upselling)
  • Is she legit?
  • Would you recommend her to others?

Once positively verified (by a Yes to all the questions), the provider would get a badge she could put anywhere on her site.

To me, the screening question is important. Responsible providers screen (the word itself is open to broad interpretation). A responsible provider is likelier to not only be legit but overall safer and more secure for her clientele. Most clients agree some level of security and risk-minimization is important to them.

If the site wanted to be really simple, it would just ask the “legit” question and leave it at that.

the escorts/providers

Escorts would be allowed to create their own public profile and even enter themselves on a list of those who wish to be verified. Men often get a lot of an escort’s details wrong, so it’s just easier to allow escorts to enter their own info. Naturally, they get to verify the verifiers. Their questions would be similar in nature:

  • Was he as described?
  • Is he who he says he is?
  • Was he on time?
  • Did you feel safe with him?
  • Did he pay as agreed?
  • Would you see him again?
  • Would you recommend him to other escorts?

Once positively verified by an escort (by a Yes to all the questions), he gets a positive verification on his public profile.

The site wouldn’t be a substitute for proper screening, not if the site is kept simple. It helps verify a particular man, that’s all. There would be no way to enter any particular man as a bad client because it doesn’t function as a blacklist either.

can’t wait for someone to run with this idea

No, I’m not interested in doing it myself, I have more than enough on my plate right now. I’ve no doubt there are issues I haven’t thought of yet, though I feel the basic concept and outline I’ve provided here is sound. It’s at least as sound as what’s currently going on, and certainly not any worse!

I like the “less is more” approach because it usually yields the best solutions for an issue. I like the Gordian Knot solution to many problems. This is kind of both. It cuts right to the heart of the matter: legitimacy, without all the extraneous complications that can make everyone’s life miserable. I’m not claiming this site would somehow magically lift Internet escorting to a whole new level, only that it would solve an obvious problem that has existed for a long time and shows no signs of improving.

Posted on by Amanda Brooks

dec 17 — survival

Tomorrow is December 17: the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. You can find the 2012 list of names here, and events here (there are less events than some years).

I don’t think anything is going on in Dallas this year, so as usual, I’ll be doing my own thing.

Michael (Mike) Meisenbach

A friend of mine was brutally assaulted by Michael Meisenbach. She found out he had done the same to others — after the fact. Naturally, she put him on the National Blacklist and other bad client lists because at the time he wasn’t on any that she used. Yet he keeps on raping and/or beating escorts. He does not hide who he is — it seems that girls aren’t doing their screening. His violence is escalating and at some point he will kill an escort, either deliberately or accidentally.

Avoiding violence is better than trying to pick up the pieces afterward. For your own sake: SCREEN. Use Google if nothing else. If you have a friend who doesn’t bother to screen, volunteer to Google her client info or be her safety call. No, this isn’t going to suddenly stop all predators but it could very well reduce your chances of being hurt. The life you save may be your own.

Survive this work.

Not every sex worker is going to retire with a huge nest egg or some other safety net. Neither do you have to exit this work harmed beyond recovery. Take care of yourself. It’s very obvious in this society that no one else will.

Posted on by Amanda Brooks

review: legal tender

I’ve finally gotten all my stuff out of storage. The greatest joy has been unpacking my books. Legal Tender was bought in Vegas a few months before I set off traveling. It sat in my “read” pile until it was boxed up. Now that I’m working through my unread books, here it is.

First, my disclaimer. I’m personally prejudiced against the whole idea of brothels as practiced in the US. Giving 50% of my money from every booking to someone just for the privilege of renting a one-star hotel room doesn’t sit well with me. Being told what to do doesn’t work for me either (ask any former boyfriend about that). I’m a control-freak about my working environment and brothels go out of their way to wrest control from the girls working there. Then there’s the whole being-an-employee-without-the-legal-benefits, i.e. Nevada brothel-style “independent-contractor” status that’s accorded to the working girls. If I’m going to work within a heavily-regulated legal system then I want my legal benefits retained. The book looks at a lockdown brothel, so that’s what I’m going to be discussing here.

Rebuttal to my disclaimer is that I personally know several girls who have worked as indies and in Nevada brothels who thoroughly enjoyed their brothel experiences (though most still dislike the flouting of legal employee status and most were in non-lockdown brothels). They were happy with the money they made, happy with their working environments, happy with the brothel customers and overall have a positive impression of working within the strict bounds of their chosen brothels. I do not know any who worked in the brothel I did and had a positive experience. There is that.

I picked up my copy of Legal Tender when I attended a presentation given by the author Laraine Russo Harper. I said nothing, clapped at the end and purchased my book. I disagreed with a lot of what she said but I hadn’t read her book yet. So now I have.

Read more