bits and pieces 5

— One of the tracking services I use for my book’s site gets some hits for odd search phrases. I only read the summary and do not log into the control panel to see if there was more than one hit (one hit is enough to go in my stats, of course).

For the person who wants to know if putting in a tampon is like having sex — no, it isn’t.

Here are a few suggestions for the person who wanted some “tips when ordering an escort.”

When ordering an escort, make sure the delivery service wraps her up in a foil blanket so she stays warm on the ride over and will be hot and fresh at your door. Make sure she’s made up of only the bits you like best, no sense in throwing in some extra intelligence if you always ignore it anyway! Always ask for extra cheese or sauce, you never know, the kitchen might be in the mood to throw that in. Tip the delivery person if the escort arrives early. Don’t bother to tip the escort — that’s just silly! Always have your coins counted out in advance, no one likes to wait at the door while you pull pennies out of the change jar. Make sure the escort ordering service offers a “30 minutes or it’s free” guarantee just like every other pizza kitchen in town (since a pizza and escort are exactly the same thing, of course). Most importantly, make sure to announce you’re using a coupon when placing your order! Coupons can usually be found in the local papers.

On the other hand, maybe the person wanted to know how to order an escort to do something. Good luck with that, pal.

— I went over to Europe with a set of photos that showed a lot of personality, not a lot of skin. I liked them, US guys liked them, but they didn’t impress many over there. I resolved to do ultra-sexy (for me, at any rate) when I got back. So I did. Irony of ironies, these new photos are generally too sexy for US advertisers working around 2257. So I can’t use many of the ones I’d like to. (Obviously this one has been sitting around for a while in the Drafts folder.)

— Did you know that Angelina Jolie, Eva Mendes and I are all way over the hill for highly-discriminating escort agencies? (At least according to their stated hiring policies.) I did find one agency in London for whom we’re all almost 20yrs too young — which was refreshing.

random news and bits

Not sure where to put this, so it goes here. If that’s not what my blog is for, then I’m not sure why I’m paying for hosting.

Only Britain would put a bit about the behavior of a particular species of African tit (the bird) in the international news section of the paper. Only Britain would have an all-birdsong radio station – which was recently shut down – sparking protest.

Ryanair is considering removing bathrooms on some of its planes (people can cross their legs for an hour says the CEO). It’s also considering levying a 5GBP boarding-fee (the paper pointed out it’s hard to take a flight without boarding the plane). And it’s also considering making customers not only pack their own luggage on the plane but pay for the privilege too. Please tell me I misread that one.

I’m going to miss the D-Day celebrations.

Doctors have issued a warning that children are at risk of injury if on a trampoline with drunken adults. Seems to be a growing problem, actually.

Time for the annual Tienanmen Square news blackout!

Forgot to mention you should get used to crawling out of cabs in London. There’s no other easy way to do it. Their seats aren’t configured like an American cab.

And when working here, most of your business will be Monday-Friday because men can more easily explain away their time with work excuses. Not that weekends will be dead, but mostly.

In this IQ2 debate over paying for sex, a sex worker (near the end of the article) summed up the absurdity of the Swedish model: “Suppose it were legal to write a column,’ she said, ‘but illegal to read one. Imagine how your income would be affected.”

advertising in london

This is mostly a note to myself and any other escorts. But longer than what I can easily put on Twitter.

UK sites that seem to get results: CraigsList, Punterlink, Captain69, Eros-London, Cherrygirls (admittedly, these are no-brainers)

Site I have yet to try: Vivastreet

Though Gumtree has been mentioned to me, it does not seem to have a section for sex services. I prefer to advertise online only where I know I’m welcome. I prefer not to advertise in Personals sections.

I’m on other sites but I know I’ve gotten response and work from the results list. Also applying to various agencies and looking into a hostess club. Why not? The Internet is reliable and good for base work but I really do want to try new things.

This post is sort of jumping into the middle of things. Sorry. I will get my chronology in order shortly!