This isn’t a very heartfelt blog post, but it’s only recently that I’ve realized how blocked I am from everything that is going on in my life. Professionally, I’m doing fine and have found my footing again. It’s nice. Personally, after all the shit that has happened, I have only true friends remaining and that’s very nice too.
But…writing-wise, very blocked because my limited creative energy goes either to making money as an escort or dealing with the ridiculous amount of ongoing stress in my life. So, I’m toe-dipping. It’s not like riding a bicycle. It’s like learning to do this all over again. I never intended this blog to get this personal and backing off from that point is harder than I thought it would be, even though I most certainly shy away from baring all online. I guess what I’m saying is I unintentionally shifted my boundaries and it’s weird. That, and limited creative energy due to having a TBI.
But there’s a persistent argument I see in every single discussion about Elliot Rodgers: that if prostitution were legalized, he would not have gone on his rampage. I think it’s almost always men who bring up this idea. It seems to hinge on the belief that under legal prostitution, the state owns women’s bodies and can force them to have sex with whomever demands it. That’s not how legalization works, even in Nevada brothels — which are not too far away from where Rodgers lived. It’s also notable to see the call for legalization not because sex workers are human and deserve basic human rights but because men feel entitled to sex, just like Rodgers.
Once again, sex workers aren’t seen as human. If they were, then no one would demand they have sex with someone who despises their very existence. While I firmly believe that sex cures many ills, if you’re a man who hates women, having sex with a woman will not magically cure you of your hatred. If that were true, all Jews would have had to do was fuck their way out of concentration camps. That didn’t happen because sex does not cure deep-seated hatred of the person with whom you’re having sex.
After reading Blake’s fun post on food photography, I’ve pondered just how much I’ve photographed my meals.
That would be once: for StuffSexWorkersEat. Not only did I forget to take my camera to breakfast several days in a row, when I did finally bring it, I forgot not to eat my food before taking the momentous picture. A food photographer I am not. I felt even more furtively creepy taking pictures of my unsuspecting, innocent meal than I do taking pictures of people who willingly pose for my camera.
I have photographed a few menus, like at the mango dessert shop and Pizza Hut, both in Hong Kong. I’ve sometimes taken pictures of the interior of a restaurant, for various reasons. But the food? I just eat it.
The first time I ate at Enso Kitchen I wished I had brought my camera, but my friend kindly took photos with her phone and later emailed them to me so I could have a memory of that meal. Honestly, every meal there was photo-worthy, but I never again asked for documentation.
Tired of “authentic” as the new buzzword. It’s either being used by completely inauthentic people, or it’s being used in a such a way that renders any true authenticity meaningless. I’m following one blog where the writer has decided to “be authentic” and if I have to read another one of his vague and presumably powerful posts about something supposedly authentic in his life, I’m going to scream and unsubscribe (and I’ve read his blog for years).
As for escorts — find a new word. Though at least authentic is better than zest. Don’t get me started on that escort trend-word. (I would love to write an escort ad that includes the line “I’m authentic, as well as genuine and real.”)
“authentic” as a “lifestyle”
This is even more irritating, as supposedly there is only one way to live authentically: eat certain foods, wear certain clothes, believe certain things, practice yoga and/or trail running, and yammer on about how it’s all changed your life on every social media platform you can find. Ideally, you’ll also sell ebooks about how everyone else can live just like you, especially if your readers are white and/or male. (Taking it further are those who have sold all their possessions and live out of a suitcase. I’ve found it’s an overrated way to live.)
The authentic trend bugs me because I do not think the word means what they think it means. It’s a good word, getting used into meaningless dust. Can’t everyone go back to using zest in an irritating way?
Last week I was interviewed by John Bennardo for the $2 bill documentary he’s shooting. I was nervous but it turned out to be the easiest and most fun interview I’ve done, probably due to it not having any political slant.
The $2 bill isn’t an intense interest of mine, but he found my post about it and was intrigued. He told me about other interviews he’s shot and I learned a few things. He’s a professional with solid work experience, so I think the film will turn out well. He’s good enough that the Federal Reserve allowed him to shoot a printing of $2 bills. This may be the only documentary on the $2 bill, so if you’re interested, follow his Twitter feed!
He’s going the full-indie route with this, which means all production costs are coming out of his pocket. He has a Kickstarter page (which closes Nov. 9) to help raise funds for the shooting/editing. He’s doing the film festival route when it’s done at the end of next summer. In other words, no one else is directing his vision for the film — it’s all him. I like that. It’s a labor of love.
Shot by John’s assistant
He’s still looking for more people to interview, so contact him if you have something you’d like to say about the $2 bill. (He also offers the option to donate a certain amount and get in the film!) It’s a documentary and does not revolve around strip clubs — my interview was just a small portion of his overview of the bill.
I didn’t think there would be much to say about the bill — I haven’t given it thought for years. But he really knew how to guide the conversation and I came up with new insights, plus recapping my blog post. He was someone else who thought I’d be more comfortable shooting in my home, which isn’t true. We shot in the conference room of his hotel and the setup was professional. Other than trying to decipher construction signs on the road, the hotel wasn’t an issue.
