the invisible majority and the PC exclusion factor

When I was 15, a stunning article in Allure magazine introduced me to luminaries Veronica Monet, Tracy Quan and the irrepressible Norma Jean Almodovar. All three women talked about sex worker rights and changing the law. That article was the only bright spot in the next eight years of reading about sex workers.

By the time I began stripping, I knew what a sex worker activist was: a lesbian vegan living in San Francisco who didn’t shave (let alone wax) and was often very overweight. She had a useless degree in philosophy or women’s studies from Berkeley (unlike my highly-useful photography degree!). Sex worker activists were overly-represented in my readings about sex work and they never, ever described me or any other strippers that I knew. I remember emailing Jill Nagle and complaining that Whores and Other Feminists was not representative of all sex workers, I wanted stories from sex workers who looked and sounded like me and my co-workers, workers who walked in our shoes too. I never heard back from her.

Maybe because I and the sex workers I knew looked mainstream. Veronica Monet and Tracy Quan were the only two public sex workers who looked normal to me (I did not find other interviews with Norma Jean, sadly). I was so happy to discover the books of Dolores French, Lily Burana and Heidi Mattson because I could identify with them, though Lily and Heidi weren’t “activists.”

Everything I read told me activists discounted you if you looked mainstream sexy, as though they believed a sex worker with implants or blonde hair has nothing of value to add (just like everyone else in society).

There is a deep prejudice permeating the sex worker rights movement in the US. Just because some of us have a mainstream appearance doesn’t mean we don’t deal with the same stigma that every other sex worker does, that we somehow work under a different set of laws. Just because we look much like the “pretty” depictions of sex workers in mainstream media doesn’t mean we’re not “real,” it means we’re making money (most sex workers are in sex work to make money). Does the movement think that because mainstream media depicts a certain look that it’s somehow representing or speaking for those who have that look?

Just because we’re hetero doesn’t mean our sexuality should be ignored or dismissed — it’s as meaningful to us as it is to LGBTs. Whore Stigma is based on fear and hatred of female sexuality in any form. Just because we’re female doesn’t mean our “female-centric” views should be automatically discounted. Women have made up the vast majority of sex workers ever since women were invented. The majority of the issues sex workers face are parallel with women’s issues, and sometimes parallel with issues confronting those who identify as women.

“Inclusiveness” and “diversity” are such huge preoccupations in the movement that they often derail energy and focus on the real-world issues staring all of us in the face. In the stampede to be inclusive and make sure that all ethnic/gender/occupation/whatever boxes are ticked and that a token representative is present, a huge majority go unnoticed and unwelcome. Many in the movement seem to think that because a certain type of sex worker are a majority, that somehow their concerns are being met or they don’t face serious, often universal, issues. Because they are a natural majority, they are punished by being given no voice.

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an arrest story

Not sure how many of you follow the comments, but recently Lailah commented on a couple of my posts about her arrest. I encouraged her to write her story down to share with the general public over at Bound, not Gagged. I’m very proud to say that she did.

For anyone who is curious about what an arrest feels like to a consenting adult sex worker, please read her well-written story. She’s doing very well for such a recent shock. I like intelligent, angry, uppity women. Feel free to comment there to offer her support. And do question if you feel your tax dollars are really working to keep you safe at night.

virtual seeping into real life

I was hoping not to feel the need to address this on any blog but that has changed. For those of you not deeply involved in the online escort community, the furor is over Alexa DiCarlo and her degree of “realness” . She’s a prolific blogger/Tweeter (among other things) and generally spends a lot of time online and active. She’s developed a huge following, mostly mainstream, though every sex worker I know reads her blog or Tweets or is familiar with them.

She and I have corresponded for about two years, if not slightly longer (would have to check but the real info is on my desktop currently in storage). We have written a couple times about this “faux ho” incident. Nothing I say here isn’t anything I haven’t already said to her. No, I have never met her. All our contact has been of the virtual kind.

I have questions I feel are unanswered. Though I have heard questions about who she is for over a year, I didn’t feel that asking her via email would solve anything. I did not think a public airing was the way to get answers either. But it was done. Indeed, what should have been just a discussion — a chance for everyone to say their piece and ask questions — has turned very ugly and non-sex workers feel that sex workers are turning against each other because of the hideous ripple effect happening online. Apparently, some have been moved to make physical threats against her (and her loved ones). This is crossing a major line. Threats solve nothing and I certainly do not support this treatment of Alexa. (That these threats probably can’t be carried out is irrelevant to me. There is no need for threats, period.)

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desiree alliance conference 2010

Registration is now open for the Desiree Alliance 2010 Conference! I’m so excited! Yes, I’ll be there. No, I don’t plan on presenting. I want to enjoy the full week. (Though I’ll no doubt be doing some on-site volunteering and I’m already doing behind-the-scenes planning work.)

We’re looking to put together an amazing program for everyone who attends, so if you think you might want to present on a range of topics, please submit a proposal! We have 5 different tracks: Academia, Activism/Leadership, Business Development, Arts/Media, Harm Reduction.

I toured the grounds of the conference shortly before I left the States and it’s ideal for everyone. The room rate is great and I’ve already booked my room. It’s going to be very budget-friendly this year too. (Yes, there’s a pool. It’s Vegas in July. Bring sunscreen too.)

Yes, you have to register in advance. Yes, we are screening. This has to be a safe space so the general public just can’t wander in. That being said, you don’t have to be a sex worker to attend. Allies and supporters are always welcome. And no, you don’t have to live in the US to be welcome either.

If you’re not interested in attending but still want to help out, you can always volunteer your time (behind the scenes), services (like printing programs) or just a plain old financial support always helps. DA always offers scholarships ever year so sex workers who are on tight budgets can attend and have their expenses covered. The more money we can raise, the more scholarships can be awarded.

It’s always about networking, learning, making new friends and just seeing friends you haven’t seen in a year! It’s something sex workers in the US rarely get. It’s going to be so great this year!