Posted on by Amanda Brooks

reactions ii

anti-porn parenting tips

A porn actress found Jesus and now finds Jesus for others. She provides helpful hints for parents as to why their little girls might become a porn actress. She and I agree that bad parenting (especially abuse), contributes to problems. She almost gets it in #4, except she decides to define prostitution vs pornography (in order to let everyone know she’s not a prostitute), instead of focusing on the fact that juvenile prostitution is nearly always caused by abusive parents or parents who have kicked their children out of their home. I’ve said it for years: underage prostitution could be eradicated almost entirely by focusing the law on abusive parents and having more readily available resources for abused or homeless children. (This would also remove underage trafficking and lots of people would be out of well-paying jobs and grant money.)

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Posted on by Amanda Brooks

hobbyists in the mist

Over the years, I’ve run into hobbyists online in non-escort settings. EBay, various message boards about real hobbies, non-escort blogs, dating sites and the like. It is proof that hobbyists do have something of an Internet life outside of posting on discussion/review boards. It’s also proof that an experienced escort can smell them through the computer screen long before they’ve made a complete ass of themselves.

It’s the grossly-entitled reek they emit that gives it away. They see women as inferior and expect that anything they say is gospel. They forget that the rest of the Internet is a free world and my livelihood doesn’t depend on catering to their flagging egos. I love to enrage them because it’s so easy. They never twig that I’m an escort and recognize what they are. They only know that I’m keeping the pussy away from them, not doing what they tell me to do, and not falling in love with them. For free, of course.

They lust after any semi-appealing female who crosses their radar, seeming to think that every woman will react with the same enthusiasm that working escorts do. They’re shocked when I tell them to fuck off (and it is so, so much fun to do this). I’ve even caught them attempting to rate and review me and other civilian women on whatever site. Why do they think women want to put up with this for free? Oh, right. Hobbyists.

Sometimes they’re even smart enough to not use the same handles on every board. Certainly not always. I’ve no doubt if I went searching for specific phrases I’d probably figure out their escort board handles pretty quickly but I’ve never had that much curiosity.

They find out that challenging me with money doesn’t work (like the out-of-state dating site guys who want to meet me and take me to dinner, but only with the guarantee of sex because they don’t want to waste money on me) and it blows their minds. They rage and whinge about how I set my boundaries during whatever short bout of contact we have online. I find their other online profiles (“travel dating” sites are now popular) with pictures and hilarious self-description, I pass the links around for others to laugh at. In my experience, real clients rarely leave such an Internet trail of stupidity. Hobbyists usually do, spreading all over the Net like a viral outbreak. The stupider they are, the better. They readily oblige.

The most fun is getting to act offended and enraged at every little sexist thing that they write, threaten to have them reported and/or banned from the site, get to tell them where and how to get off (certainly not with me), etc. They have no idea where I’m coming from, and they discover they really can’t do anything to me. They have no power over me. I’m just some random chick, probably a Nazi-feminist, who thinks all men are sexually harassing her, and causing a big stink about their attitudes. They go in search of easier prey. I’m sure I’m responsible for some of the beliefs among hobbyists that American women are emasculating men. (Don’t be so easily emasculated, is my response.)

Oddly enough, I’ve yet to personally interact with an online male jerk who wasn’t a hidden hobbyist. I’ve sometimes been able to sniff out a client (though none of mine) and they behave themselves. I’ve interacted with quite a few civilian men and they behave themselves, more or less, within a range of normal male behavior. The outright, miserable assholes are always hobbyists. Always. I think it’s because hobbyists are MRAs who admit to paying for it.

I would love to tell hobbyists to behave themselves when interacting with women who don’t care about earning a “10” from them, but then, I doubt any of those read this blog. Nor would they get it. Or care.

Posted on by Amanda Brooks

review: legal tender

I’ve finally gotten all my stuff out of storage. The greatest joy has been unpacking my books. Legal Tender was bought in Vegas a few months before I set off traveling. It sat in my “read” pile until it was boxed up. Now that I’m working through my unread books, here it is.

First, my disclaimer. I’m personally prejudiced against the whole idea of brothels as practiced in the US. Giving 50% of my money from every booking to someone just for the privilege of renting a one-star hotel room doesn’t sit well with me. Being told what to do doesn’t work for me either (ask any former boyfriend about that). I’m a control-freak about my working environment and brothels go out of their way to wrest control from the girls working there. Then there’s the whole being-an-employee-without-the-legal-benefits, i.e. Nevada brothel-style “independent-contractor” status that’s accorded to the working girls. If I’m going to work within a heavily-regulated legal system then I want my legal benefits retained. The book looks at a lockdown brothel, so that’s what I’m going to be discussing here.

Rebuttal to my disclaimer is that I personally know several girls who have worked as indies and in Nevada brothels who thoroughly enjoyed their brothel experiences (though most still dislike the flouting of legal employee status and most were in non-lockdown brothels). They were happy with the money they made, happy with their working environments, happy with the brothel customers and overall have a positive impression of working within the strict bounds of their chosen brothels. I do not know any who worked in the brothel I did and had a positive experience. There is that.

I picked up my copy of Legal Tender when I attended a presentation given by the author Laraine Russo Harper. I said nothing, clapped at the end and purchased my book. I disagreed with a lot of what she said but I hadn’t read her book yet. So now I have.

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Posted on by Amanda Brooks

the work-positive theory

Another piece by Audacia Ray in which she recants former beliefs and apologizes for being a white female of conventional appearance (she should apologize for believing that New York/San Francisco sex work activists represent the entire rest of the country). But I read this piece and wondered if I was one of these sex-positive activists. No, I’m not sex-positive and don’t believe I’ve ever identified that way. Sex workers who endlessly blog about their personal/professional sex lives makes me squirm and I’ve never, ever stated that sex work satisfies my sexual self. (I usually go the other way and tell sex workers that this work is not a substitute for a sex life.)

Sex work is work to me, not sex. I am work-positive. I firmly believe in every sex worker’s right to work in the safest possible manner, maximizing their income as much as they can. As much as I can give sex workers the tools to do that, I will. Granted, my focus is on what I know best: Internet escort work. That still encompasses a pretty broad swath of people. I insist on sex workers working ethically as well — that’s my belief in how the world functions best. Not that I can somehow force anyone to do any of this. That’s a laugh!

For some reason, work is a four-letter word among Internet escorts. There is nothing dirty, ignoble or dispassionate about work. Job is also not a bad word, yet is also treated as such. Maybe my origins do affect my sex work. I was raised with a very strong work ethic and having a job was what one did. Since my family did not provide me with a trust fund to last the rest of my life, having a job and working was an integral part of my future no matter how I looked at it.

That my sex work is work isn’t a negative to me. I take pride in my work, I pour a lot of my personal energy into my work. My work revolves around connecting with individual humans on a personal level and making them happy. It’s not easy work and it’s not a job for everyone but it is a job that many are drawn to. I certainly don’t resent having to make a living. It’s an expected part of my life. Sure, there are annoyances but there are plenty of other jobs that would have killed my soul long before.

Audacia discusses the issue of money and yes, it’s a valid reason for why many choose this work. Nothing wrong with taking the highest-paying work one can get. But I have found that those who find fulfillment only through the money end up with emotional problems regarding the work. The answer for these people isn’t decrim, it’s helping them get similar-paying work they can personally handle. The reality is that not everyone is cut out for sex work. Just like not everyone is cut out to do all sorts of other highly-specialized work. Still, those who hate sex work but need to pay the bills deserve work-positive activism just as much as those who feel naturally drawn to sex work. (I’m deliberately leaving out the experiences of those who were coerced into sex work because, obviously, they made no choice to be involved.)

In a perfect world, everyone would only do the work they wished to do and it would magically pay their living expenses. We’re not there yet. Changing the laws and providing harm reduction is the best that can be done. I don’t feel there is inherent conflict in telling the world “Most sex workers choose sex work. Many like it. Many do not. None of them wishes to work in unsafe conditions and be subject to arrest or become ready-made victims of crime.”

Sex work is a gigantic spectrum of experiences. One thing I’ve noticed is that those who have negative experiences rarely acknowledge that not everyone shares their experiences, yet any sex worker who has positive experiences is seemingly required to acknowledge they aren’t shared by everyone. Positive experiences aren’t a by-product of “luck” or any socially-endowed “privilege” (a laughable concept under a criminalized system) — they’re a product of hard work by the individual sex worker who approaches their work as a business to be learned, managed and maximized. Does this mean every sex worker who has negative experiences aren’t taking the right business approach? Sometimes — yes. Sometimes just a little application of common sense and personal responsibility would do wonders for the sex worker. Other times the answer is clearly no, an awful lot beyond the control of the individual needs to happen to change that person’s fortune.

I’ve really said all I wanted to say today. I’m work-positive and will continue to be so. Audacia helped clarify this for me and I thank her for that — regardless of what I think of her thoughts, she made me think and that’s always appreciated (and I like her on a personal level). I’ve been trying to clarify a lot of things in my life lately and this is just one more piece in place (a small one, but one I wanted to share).

Posted on by Amanda Brooks

the world according to stupid clients

After years of receiving my own pile of emails and phone calls, years of listening to other girls, and my own friends who work Backpage, here is how the world would be if it functioned like these men apparently believe it does.

I assume these men are clients of some poor soul. They aren’t real clients and aren’t civilians. They live in their own special realm.

— Makes a dental appointment: “Here is a picture of my great teeth. They’re so amazing you need to pay me to clean them. What? You’re going to charge me anyway? You money-grubbing whore.”

— Speaks with a general contractor: “You’re going to bill me for this? I thought you liked working on my house so much you’d do it for free. You’re such a money-grubbing whore.”

— Calls a bank after 5pm: “Oh, so you just closed once you made all your money for the day. I see how you are, you money-grubbing whore.”

— Walks into a Mercedes dealership: “I want the newest S model. In black. Turbo. Fully-loaded. Full warranty. Free oil changes for life. And I only have $100. What? You won’t do this amazing deal? You money-grubbing whore.”

— Calls the home number of the manager of a local steakhouse at 4am: “Wake up. I want a steak with all the trimmings right now. The steakhouse is closed? You advertised steak and I want steak. Wake up and cook my steak. I’ll be there in 5 minutes and I only have $20. You can’t tell me no! I’m a customer! You sleep-grubbing whore.”

— Sends long love letter to therapist: “I love you unconditionally forever. You listen to me and make me feel good. You’re the most wonderful person in the world. What? You don’t want to date me? Why not? Fine. I hate you. All you care about is material things and your stupid boundaries. You money-grubbing whore.”

— Argues with bill collector: “All you care about is getting paid. I am living a spiritual life and money is not important to me, you money-grubbing whore.”

— Calls local mechanic at 4:54pm. At 4:55pm. At 4:57pm. At 5:01pm. At 5:03pm. At 5:05pm. At 5:10pm. At 5:11pm. At 5:12pm. Finally leaves message: “I hope you’re better at fixing cars than you are at answering your phone. I wanted my car fixed but my car is too good for you. You disease-ridden, money-grubbing whore.”

— Sees doctor. Goes to pay: “Why am I being charged? Not only was the doc so nice to me and took care of me, that’s what the doctor likes doing. Why should I have to pay since they like being a doctor so much? Money-grubbing whore.”

— Writes the CEO of Gulfstream: “I really like your jets but can’t afford one. However, I’m 49yrs old, 5’10”, 190lbs, drug/disease-free and like classic movies and read a lot. Could we meet for lunch so I can go ride on one of your jets anyway? NO? How dare you say that to me! I offer so much as a passenger. You money-grubbing whore.”

— Calls his local Chinese delivery restaurant: “I’m 2500 miles away but could I get delivery in the next half hour? No? Why not? I really want Chinese food and think your food is great. I’m willing to pay, and have a coupon. I don’t understand.”

— Argues with wife: “I didn’t marry you because I loved you! I married you so that I could pay your bills so you would have sex with me! And now you won’t have sex with me?! Marriage is paying for sex! You’re not living up to your end of the agreement! You money-grubbing whore.” Goes off, contacts escort off Backpage: “Here’s a picture of my penis. It’s really big and I’m really hot. Free sex — just for you! You want paid? You money-grubbing whore.”