the invisible majority and the PC exclusion factor

When I was 15, a stunning article in Allure magazine introduced me to luminaries Veronica Monet, Tracy Quan and the irrepressible Norma Jean Almodovar. All three women talked about sex worker rights and changing the law. That article was the only bright spot in the next eight years of reading about sex workers.

By the time I began stripping, I knew what a sex worker activist was: a lesbian vegan living in San Francisco who didn’t shave (let alone wax) and was often very overweight. She had a useless degree in philosophy or women’s studies from Berkeley (unlike my highly-useful photography degree!). Sex worker activists were overly-represented in my readings about sex work and they never, ever described me or any other strippers that I knew. I remember emailing Jill Nagle and complaining that Whores and Other Feminists was not representative of all sex workers, I wanted stories from sex workers who looked and sounded like me and my co-workers, workers who walked in our shoes too. I never heard back from her.

Maybe because I and the sex workers I knew looked mainstream. Veronica Monet and Tracy Quan were the only two public sex workers who looked normal to me (I did not find other interviews with Norma Jean, sadly). I was so happy to discover the books of Dolores French, Lily Burana and Heidi Mattson because I could identify with them, though Lily and Heidi weren’t “activists.”

Everything I read told me activists discounted you if you looked mainstream sexy, as though they believed a sex worker with implants or blonde hair has nothing of value to add (just like everyone else in society).

There is a deep prejudice permeating the sex worker rights movement in the US. Just because some of us have a mainstream appearance doesn’t mean we don’t deal with the same stigma that every other sex worker does, that we somehow work under a different set of laws. Just because we look much like the “pretty” depictions of sex workers in mainstream media doesn’t mean we’re not “real,” it means we’re making money (most sex workers are in sex work to make money). Does the movement think that because mainstream media depicts a certain look that it’s somehow representing or speaking for those who have that look?

Just because we’re hetero doesn’t mean our sexuality should be ignored or dismissed — it’s as meaningful to us as it is to LGBTs. Whore Stigma is based on fear and hatred of female sexuality in any form. Just because we’re female doesn’t mean our “female-centric” views should be automatically discounted. Women have made up the vast majority of sex workers ever since women were invented. The majority of the issues sex workers face are parallel with women’s issues, and sometimes parallel with issues confronting those who identify as women.

“Inclusiveness” and “diversity” are such huge preoccupations in the movement that they often derail energy and focus on the real-world issues staring all of us in the face. In the stampede to be inclusive and make sure that all ethnic/gender/occupation/whatever boxes are ticked and that a token representative is present, a huge majority go unnoticed and unwelcome. Many in the movement seem to think that because a certain type of sex worker are a majority, that somehow their concerns are being met or they don’t face serious, often universal, issues. Because they are a natural majority, they are punished by being given no voice.

Read more

words for he-man hooker-haters

There isn’t a lot of hating on my blog; I don’t get the traffic to draw the haters or I scare them off or something. Or else the bulk of their comments get auto-moderated (I have set my spam filter with some key words for a reason). But then someone posts something completely innocent online and here come the haters.

Specifically, I’m referring to Tracy Quan’s light and engaging piece on talking to a call girl. You can sure disagree with what she says. Or you can think it’s a fluff-piece. Or you think it’s a brilliant little butterfly of a post. Whatever you fancy. Then you scroll down and find the hater comments all out of proportion to her piece.

Apparently, they’re not aware of the irony that they are talking to a call girl by responding to an article she wrote. I see the same things over and over again at a number of places online. So I decided to offer some suggestions and thoughts for the haters to consider.

Read more

my advancing decrepitude

As some of you noticed (thank you!), I just turned 35. If you haven’t noticed, well, now you know. I didn’t think much of it, actually. Was just surprised the date rolled around so fast, October 2009 was really only like 2 months ago, right??? (My mom, always good for a thought, cheerfully reminded me that I’m halfway to 70. I’ll have to put that in my ad text.)

What I didn’t expect was the little “ouch” of putting that extra year into my ads. Unlike many and unlike what I used to do, I don’t lie about my age right now. I certainly could — I could easily get away with 8-10yrs younger. But why? I don’t fake orgasms, I am how old I am. I really don’t have a lot of choice in the matter (I’m either this old or I’m dead).

I experienced ageism back when I was a young and tender 33. At the advanced age of 35 I think people are just throwing their hands into the air and giving up (I found an escort today who won’t exchange links with anyone over 33). In Asia where everyone looks very young and the most common escorts are young, it can be difficult to be honest about age (very difficult to be okay being an XXL in local clothing sizes, which translates into a US size 6-8, depending.)

There have been potential clients who have passed me up because I’ve gone around the sun too many times. Then there are younger guys who seem to expect me to literally be a cougar: pin them to the bed, open my claws and have my way with them (this is my style about as often as the planets align). I present myself honestly on my website and ads, yet guys are still often surprised by me one way or another. I look just like my photos, except that I’m not as tanned right now (the French Riviera was good for that, if nothing else).

I’m not a MILF — I have no children. I’m not a cougar — I feel I’m just barely out of girlhood, really. I’m just 35. That’s all. It’s how old I happen to be.

Read more

random escort musings

Specifically — other escorts. Not me. No, of course not me.

I wrote this several months ago, came across it again and decided to post it here. It’s me being curmudgeonly. I have less and less patience with certain aspects of my own industry. Familiarity breeding scorn? Possibly. Do I think perhaps the industry could move forward? Yes.

Ahem: I’m obviously writing this from the perspective of a female escort/male client relationship simply because it’s most typical and I’m most familiar with it.

I’m standing in front of the classroom, pointer in hand, frowning. Remedial detention is now in session. (Men can imagine me in my secretary/librarian look. Girls…probably aren’t interested in imagining me.)

Read more

at least i don’t write poetry

I’m not using Lulu.com either but catching up on my reading, I was very amused by this bit from a NY Times piece on self-publishing:

Indeed, said Robert Young, chief executive of Lulu Enterprises, based in Raleigh, N.C., a majority of the company’s titles are of little interest to anybody other than the authors and their families. “We have easily published the largest collection of bad poetry in the history of mankind,” Mr. Young said.

If you’re a fan of bad poetry, you know where to go!

The DIY trend is interesting. Due to technology (currently partially due to the economy), everyone is doing their own blogs, their own promotion, their own websites — whether escorts, writers/poets or small businesses. I like to think it’s giving power to the people but often it just loses one in the crowd. If you aren’t in a given online social circle, you have NO IDEA that other person exists because the pick-and-choose Internet is replacing mass media. It’s as isolating as living in a small village back when buggies had square wheels and only the rich had horses.*

Not that I’m crying over spilt mass media, I’m simply musing. I think a digital ceiling is forming.

*The square wheels thing is a comical exaggeration.