things i regret

This might become an ongoing series as I remember stuff or things occur to me.

— I regret forgetting my walking shoes one recent weekend and having to wear heels more than I’d planned, which caused a foot sprain a couple days later when I returned home.

— I regret giving my real phone number to a Las Vegas strip club for the one or two nights I worked there in 2008. I still have that phone and have gotten text messages from them a few times a week. Since 2008. I wish they would purge their “inactive hires” list. Advice to anyone: treat strip club managers like customers and never give out your real phone number. Granted, I’m obviously a little slow on the uptake. Never had a problem with Dallas clubs texting me for the rest of my natural life, but that was years before. Damn technology.

— I regret not having professional photos taken of me during my stripper years. I had a great body. I also regret not being an international touring stripper. Would have been a blast.

— I regret letting relationships get in the way of my work; the reason I didn’t become an international touring stripper, the reason for my retirement in 2004, and the reason behind other decisions. Something I’ve learned in my 30s is to just say no to being squished by a relationship.

— I often regret being so damn “different” as an escort but that one’s not a full-on regret as there have been a lot of good things about being me. However, when I give advice to others, I always give it on the assumption that they do not want to make the mistakes I have.

— I regret my terrible, trashy taste in fiction. I read a lot of the classics when I was younger and I regret not reading more because my current love of brainless, non-redeeming fiction is embarrassing. (My taste in non-fiction is upright and not embarrassing.)

— I regret buying cute handsoaps with little plastic animals embedded in the soap because as the soap washes away, the hard pointy edges of the animals emerge and every washing is painful but it takes a lot of washing to be able to pull the animals out of the soap.

— I regret not speaking my mind when I really should.

— I regret my lack of time-management skills and how it’s gotten worse, not better, over the years.

— I don’t regret not getting a boob job.

longer tweeting

I came up with this idea months ago, which is why it’s appearing here in my usual timely manner.

While I was traveling, I Tweeted quite a bit, sometimes more than others. A lot of those Tweets were more notes to myself about that specific moment in time. So for fun, I’m going to share some of these Tweets here and the little stories behind them. Not sure what I’m going to call this series yet. This is more just expanded notes for myself and for a few people who have asked a lot of questions about “the little differences” I found when I traveled.


Created 2010-12-30 02:58:56 -0500
I don’t save client numbers on my phone. But if yours is saved, it will contain “Wanker” in your name and there’s a reason I don’t respond.

Though this was shortly before I returned to the US, I started using the term “wanker” with complete familiarity soon after arriving in London. I also quickly learned how to save numbers into my world-phone. Though I do not save client numbers in the US because I don’t post my number, my work in rest of the world operates differently. Good clients sometimes were saved (upon request) with first name and initial. Wankers got designated by their special way of being annoying. So in every country, I’d have a list like:
Wanker Married (an Aussie bloke who texted me for sexy pix while sitting on the couch with his wife)
Wanker Anal (another Aussie bloke who failed to understand some basic concepts about anatomy, consent and women)
Wanker Timewaster 1, etc. (I usually had to number these wankers)
Wanker Beer (English guy who spent a lot of texts trying to haggle down my rate because he didn’t want sex, then proposed that we meet in a pub to drink beer, got offended when I declined and ranted about my materialism and greed)
Wanker Rich (well-off Singaporean who seemed to just want a party companion and would make appointments just to cancel at the last minute)
Wanker John (no defining feature to his wankery, so was stuck just using the name he gave)

…and so on and so forth. (I have a whole number of saved wanker SMS conversations, debating whether or not to post it.)

Anyway, creating phone wanker lists is apparently something every escort does in every country. Which is why we like phones with room for a gigantic number of saved contacts.

new book possibilities

People keep asking me if I’m going to write a book about my travels. Honestly, I’d rather not. If you want to know why, here are some possible working titles I’ve come up with in case I did decide to write a book about it, whenever I’m done, whenever that is.

A Case of Bad Timing: Sex Working the World During a Global Financial Crisis, Burgeoning Flu Epidemic and Various Natural Disasters

Alternatively, I might title that one Plan Better Than I Did: How Not to Be a Successful Escort During a Global Financial Crisis, Burgeoning Flu Epidemic and Various Natural Disasters

I could also pen Hotel Rooms Around the World: They’re All Basically the Same, With Rare Exception.

Or I might write the ultimate travel-guide: How to Miss Places, Events and Things of Importance: All the Places and Things I Did Not See or Do Before I Died

This doesn’t mean I’m having an awful time — quite far from it. I just think my day-to-day experiences are meaningful only to me and completely lack broader appeal.