I have been in the business of ‘sex’ for a long time. Some people might think that it would inure me to sexual feelings, and sometimes I believe that fallacy too. Although I rarely get completely aroused just by seeing a naked man like I did in college, it doesn’t mean that I’m blasé. Instead, the emotional resonance of sex has spread. No longer is sex concentrated in dicks or my pussy. Sex can be many things to me and most of them have nothing to do with naked bodies.
Sex is:
Moonlight reflected on water. A great sushi dinner followed by a cigarette. Rubbing the third toe of my bare right foot over a bump to stimulate a nerve that goes straight up my leg and to my kitty. Angelina Jolie. The kiss I didn’t get on the Golden Gate Bridge. A steam room so hot that I leave it feeling like I’m about to die (and after 5 minutes I go back in). Waking up throbbing from a dream I’m embarrassed to remember. Seeing the city of Paris at sunset from the Eiffel Tower. A roller coaster that doesn’t go as fast as it should and ends too soon. A dinner that ends with a deep, chocolate kiss. A warm patch of sunlight on the bed. The infinite teasing I used to do when I stripped. Perfect fantasies about someone I will never have sex with. Reading a book that takes me out of myself and into the person telling the story. In a crowd, sharing a naughty secret with one person. By ourselves in the desert, naked in the open under the sky. The internal thunder from the engines of Boeing 737 lifting off from Love Field directly over a certain bench beside Bachman Lake. The moment before penetration when it feels like it will never happen and I’ll end up dying before it does. Standing close to the speakers at a concert so that the music reverberates deep in my belly. The sting from a really good Brazilian bikini wax. A glance of possession. The first time I heard “Closer†on the radio and nearly wrecked my car. The blinking of a car’s turn signal that reminds me of the rhythm of my orgasms. The voice of actor Michael Wincott. Naked tickle/wrestling matches. A really good idea. The feeling of inspiration. That first pull on a long-awaited cigarette (all the rest is useless). A movie that leaves me in awe. Feeling his orgasm inside me. Driving with at sunset or at night with the windows down and the music pounding (and a cigarette). The feeling of ‘clean’ after a much-needed shower. Walking out the door into a Texas summer and the heat wraps around me as completely as water. Skinny-dipping. Writing a passage that gives me pleasure every time I read it. A perfectly clean house and not another thing to do. Watching my first black-and-white print develop like magic. And every other time I’ve developed a print or negative.
The greatest pleasures in my life have been from sex. A lot of people say that. But I’m just now starting to realize that when I say “Sex†I mean a whole lot more putting Part B into Slot A.
Sex is like God, it is everywhere, in everything. It is a joy to recognize and discover it hiding right beside me all the time.
I have to say that is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. I’d love to hand this out to the anti-sex ultra-religious right folks who believe that sex eduction is all about abstinence. They forget (or try to ignore) that sex is about sharing, pleasure, fantasy, exploration, enlightenment, and at times none of the above.
Thank you for your beautiful words.
DaStranger,
Thank you very much! I haven’t read this post in a long time, so it was good to come here and read it again. (Though I would like to note I’ve quit smoking.) Feel free to give it to anti-sex people. But you’ve got to handle their reactions!
I’m very glad you enjoyed this. It was satisfying to write.
XX
This is a great post! Very beautiful and vivid. I don’t know if you put the things in randomly or not, but the rhythm between your descriptions of bodily feelings, things done, things being done makes it flow very well.
I ran into your blog and after reading the 7-part history of your adult industry start (fits and starts), I am slowly working my way forward from the earliest posts. I had never been so interested in a blog before as to be compelled to post comments, but I am sure I will have more to say here.
Lee,
I’m glad you liked this post (and my adult industry history!). This post was written mostly in my head before I wrote it down. It sort of flowed from one idea to the next for me. So maybe there was a sub-conscious pattern.
Look forward to hearing more from you! Glad you’re enjoying my musings.
XX
Wow… that was simply the most beautiful blog post I’ve ever read. I stumbled on your site from Carey’s link (praise to Carey and her gorgeous works!), and I look forward to going through your blogs and learning more about you. It’s amazing how you seem to put into words my own abstract thoughts. Coincedentally I’m a Texas girl too. What a small world we live in!
Jen,
Thank you so much!
We Texans need to have a Terre d’Ange festival or something.
XX
Discovered you in an article from sexwork.com. I really liked what you had to say about escorting.
I also want to thank you for this beautiful post. Such positive and true words are refreshing, especially after reading so many bitter blogs from sex industry insiders.
I don’t believe in anything much except a life force, a current that runs through everything. And naturally, sex would just be one of its manifestations to us.
I think it’s neutral and can be made ugly or spiritual, depending on how we feel about our place in the world. So, again, it’s nice to be introduced to such a positive view of it.
Hobbyist,
Thank you for that.
“Life force” — I think that’s what I was describing here, though I didn’t know it at the time it was written. I also believe in the life force in everything, that we are all connected. Sex work has only reinforced this long-held belief of mine.
There are days when I just hate everything and everyone but the majority of the time, I feel the connections and life force very easily.
XX
I know exactly what you mean.
You did it again. Hit the nail right on the head! I am also glad you share the good. Life is too short not to make the most of it, and savor the best of it. It is an old post, but I think timeless. Sex also means so much more when there is an emotional connection between 2 people. Sorry for the randomness of my thoughts, but I will definitely keep reading your archived material. Thanks again & well done!
Michael — Thank you! I’m glad you like this one. I do too. I might revisit the theme later on, but really not sure that much has changed, though the list has been added to.