Posted on by Amanda Brooks

from the mouths of sex workers

The most popular topic on this blog seems to be relationships with sex workers, so here is another take. Hopefully it answers some of the questions readers have and gives a little more insight than just my own opinion. I agree with everything said on here — I’ve had all these thoughts at one point or another. (And there are some familiar faces too!) Though in my opinion the people on this video are more your average activist than your average online escort, the issues and opinions are very much the same.

I would love to see a similar interview with partners of sex workers offering their insights, advice and the issues they’ve struggled with. But since most partners are even more camera-shy than the average sex worker — probably won’t happen.

Posted on by Amanda Brooks

dec 17 in hk

Today I’m spending the day with Zi Teng in Hong Kong. This is a pre-scheduled post, I likely won’t write about today’s events for a while (as usual).

Today is December 17, The International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers (IDEVASW). For the history behind this relatively-new memorial day, please go to the official Dec 17 website, part of SWOP-USA.

I’ve written about Dec 17 here (my fave) and here. I’ve written about the shame, silence and death foisted upon American sex workers without our consent. Deborah Palfrey was a Dec 17 memorial victim and perfect example of how shame kills. I’ve written about survivors (that piece is offline right now) and some other scattered thoughts around Dec 17.

It’s just a calendar date, but the real meaning behind it is never too far from the front of anyone’s mind. Not if you’re a sex worker. Especially not if you’re in a criminalized country. Within the first five minutes of telling my mother I had decided to become an escort, she was predicting my death (actually, she predicted my dead body being found in a ditch, not the moment of death). I say this not to make fun of my mother — because I’m not — but that violence against sex workers is so endemic that it’s as an enduring stereotype as high heels and short skirts. This desperately needs to change. No sex worker I know considers violence part of the job description.

Sex worker deaths aren’t something that “happens”, it’s something that someone does.

Posted on by Amanda Brooks

prodigal escort

Plans change. My last Asian trip is this week: Hong Kong to spend Dec 17 with Zi Teng. Then back to Singapore. Then back to Dallas in early 2011. I imagine I’ll stay put for a while, then get bored and light out again. I’ve missed Texas since 2004. The pull for home has become stronger this fall. So I’m taking the hint.

In the meantime, it means I’m re-entering the Dallas market. This has been interesting. I’ve always kept up with a few cities (mostly through Eros, also through a few discussion boards). Deciding on my rates hasn’t been too agonizing. Writing my ad text (and re-writing parts of my work-site) is. How the hell do I explain myself to someone who doesn’t know me? It’s different than advertising in other countries. Dallas is my home. The US market functions on some different ideas than the rest of the world.

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Posted on by Amanda Brooks

exposure

The WikiLeaks thing has had my attention for a while. The rape charges against Julian Assange leading to an Interpol arrest-warrant? Really? I have two words for you: Roman Polanski. If it’s not a big deal that Roman drugged and raped a young girl, then Julian’s charges aren’t a big deal either. We all know what it’s really about: countries being embarrassed. I’m not sure why. So China is tired of propping up North Korea and no one likes Iran. These are state secrets? This is news? As for the gossiping that politicians do behind each other’s back, well, they obviously forgot that their mothers must’ve said, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t put it in a fucking telegram!” Or something to that effect.

Honestly, every country’s media has churned out for more insulting things about each other than these world leaders ever said in these leaks. I’m still waiting for a devastating state secret to be unearthed (spies being outed isn’t the same level of secret; also, I’d like everyone to recall Valerie Plame). Far as I can tell, it sounds a lot like high school with nuclear weapons. (Singapore’s response, invoking their Official Secrets Act, is hilarious.)

While I’m very sure that not everyone agrees with WikiLeaks fulfilling its mission of making leaked material available to all, I think it’s a great way of leveling the playing field. Here’s a chance for countries to get really, really clean with each other. This could be a great experiment in peace and cooperation. The world being what it is, it probably won’t, and things will just remain as they are.

I personally hope that Julian makes it to Venezuela and enjoys a nice vacation courtesy of Hugo Chavez, my favorite contrarian world leader. He’s not a supporter of sex worker rights. If he only had any idea of how much it would piss off the US, I’m sure he would turn his attitude around in a heartbeat. I’ve often wished I could convince him of this.

Which brings us to our own little WikiLeak in the online escort world: the exposing of Alex/a DiCarlo.

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Posted on by Amanda Brooks

what are you really paying for? 3

Though I repeat (ad nauseam) that you pay for my time/energy, I have now figured out how to prove it!

I don’t sell my body — it’s still with me when I leave. Though I have occasionally left possessions behind, I’ve yet to leave behind any bit or piece of me. When I’m naked, my body is very conveniently made so that it’s all attached into one smooth package. It’s awfully great in a business like this because I don’t accidentally leave important working bits behind without payment, so nobody can steal my body either.

Now that I’ve proven I’m not selling my body, here’s how I prove I’m selling my time: when I leave my client, I leave behind part of my day (or evening) that I will never get back. In my life, time only moves forward, therefore the time I’ve spent with my clients is gone, never to be regained. I have effectively sold my time.

The personal energy I’ve expended with my client goes with him as well, though I can replenish my personal energy. So maybe I don’t sell my energy after all. I most certainly sell my time. The sex is always free.

Though I’m speaking of my own perspective, I honestly don’t believe any sex worker sells her body though some clearly do sell sex acts. I do believe unhappy sex workers or those in coercive situations are selling their personal energy and it’s not being replenished. (Or it’s is being sold for them without their consent.) Being psychologically-drained leads to problems, regardless of the job. Of course, all are selling their time because they, like me, will never get that time back.

Please note: Zombie sex workers or those suffering leprosy may have body-containment issues I do not.