The most popular topic on this blog seems to be relationships with sex workers, so here is another take. Hopefully it answers some of the questions readers have and gives a little more insight than just my own opinion. I agree with everything said on here — I’ve had all these thoughts at one point or another. (And there are some familiar faces too!) Though in my opinion the people on this video are more your average activist than your average online escort, the issues and opinions are very much the same.

I would love to see a similar interview with partners of sex workers offering their insights, advice and the issues they’ve struggled with. But since most partners are even more camera-shy than the average sex worker — probably won’t happen.

10 thoughts on “from the mouths of sex workers

  1. Interesting videol. I’d be curious to also view a similar video that included American sex workers.

    I know one couple in particular and she is an online escort. She does very well and has been working for years. Her partner is totally fine with what she does and their relationship is balanced. She spends long weekends with clients and is constantly traveling. They also own another business together.

    I know another gay couple living a similar scenario.

    Both couples are very happy and have been together for years. Are they the minority?

  2. Ant — Thank you!

    David — Glad you liked the vid!

    GA — Some of the sex workers there were American, most were Aussie and Canadian. Several of them were at DA, where I’m thinking some of these interviews were shot.

    Your couples are great examples of relationships in general — not just for sex workers. They’re a minority. But not a tiny minority. Plenty of escorts have marriages or long-term partners. Generally the ones we hear from are the ones with constant problems because…if you can’t find that one very special partner, romantic relationships tend to be very turbulent in this arena.

    I’m guessing the minority with healthy relationships are 20-30%? There are also a small minority who simply do not pursue relationships while they’re working (they’ve lived and learned). Most of us — like any normal human being — would like to find a steady partner regardless of our job.


  3. You are right about the couples being great examples of relationships in general. Heterosexual and same sex relationships have their fair share of issues. They are not exempt.

  4. Well, I’ll be the one saying that I’d rather read detailed and thoughtful insights (especially from an intelligent and wordly person such as you, Amanda) rather than watch various snippets, pearls of wisdom as they may contain, but I’m probably showing my age here. 🙂

    This being said, all these people made sense. None of what they said may be new, but they do confirm what you’ve been saying all along.

    My favorites: “I’m empowered by my work and not a victim of patriarchy”, “Fucking men for money doesn’t make me less clean”, and “No matter how many times I say yes to my clients […] I still have the right to say no to you”.

    I otherwise had to laugh at: “I should be the one telling people what I do”. Not because it isn’t true, but this is almost word for word a line from the movie Serpico, when Pacino’s character explains to his girfriend that it’s not a good idea to tell everyone that he’s a cop. Some problems are universal…

  5. GA — Exactly!

    Hobbyist — Thanks! 🙂 I’m more word-oriented myself (no big surprise) but it’s good to see a variety of people expressing themselves and willing to be open.

    “No matter how many times I say yes to my clients […] I still have the right to say no to you.”

    That one struck a big chord with me. It’s an issue with partners (nor do they realize how much I say “no” to clients). For me, partners often expect me to always be as cheerfully giving as my work persona is. That’s not humanly possible; nor would I want to just view them as a long-term, free client. Sometimes a difficult concept to get across.

    Haven’t seen Serpico. But it’s very, very true. No one likes to be outed!

    I’ve noticed that in conversation people often trample on my need for privacy (asking invasive questions and not letting up). My rule: if I want you to know something, I’ll tell you. Someone who “tells” for me isn’t going to last long in my life.

    Jill — Glad you liked it! It is a very good collection of messages.


  6. I’m beginning to think that a client should never forget that he’s dealing with a professional (see your “What Are You Paying For” entries), while a partner should never assume that a sex worker will bring their job into the relationship.

    Sex is so intimate that a lot of people are bound to struggle with the personal/professional dichotomy. As somebody pointed out in the video, it’s especially tricky for “civilians” who haven’t done the homework and wrapped their minds around the thorny issues yet.

  7. Hobbyist — Astute observation. What’s so ironic is that men keep trying to turn it backwards.

    Huge grey area for all. Sex workers have their own relationship issues, usually not quite as basic as the ones civilians or partners have, though.


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