Though I repeat (ad nauseam) that you pay for my time/energy, I have now figured out how to prove it!

I don’t sell my body — it’s still with me when I leave. Though I have occasionally left possessions behind, I’ve yet to leave behind any bit or piece of me. When I’m naked, my body is very conveniently made so that it’s all attached into one smooth package. It’s awfully great in a business like this because I don’t accidentally leave important working bits behind without payment, so nobody can steal my body either.

Now that I’ve proven I’m not selling my body, here’s how I prove I’m selling my time: when I leave my client, I leave behind part of my day (or evening) that I will never get back. In my life, time only moves forward, therefore the time I’ve spent with my clients is gone, never to be regained. I have effectively sold my time.

The personal energy I’ve expended with my client goes with him as well, though I can replenish my personal energy. So maybe I don’t sell my energy after all. I most certainly sell my time. The sex is always free.

Though I’m speaking of my own perspective, I honestly don’t believe any sex worker sells her body though some clearly do sell sex acts. I do believe unhappy sex workers or those in coercive situations are selling their personal energy and it’s not being replenished. (Or it’s is being sold for them without their consent.) Being psychologically-drained leads to problems, regardless of the job. Of course, all are selling their time because they, like me, will never get that time back.

Please note: Zombie sex workers or those suffering leprosy may have body-containment issues I do not.

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69 thoughts on “what are you really paying for? 3”

  1. “I know that talking about wanting something yet not expecting anything seems contradictory but it’s not.”
    You’re right and I thought about going into that, but it’s a complex concept to explain and probably a bit outside of the scope of escorting. We’re kinda back to that Camus quote about charm that you like, I think.

    It doesn’t always pan out, but in my best sessions, good things happen organically, surprises are welcome, and everybody gets what they want without much talk about it at all. It’s actually gratifying to have an experience like that with a complete stranger. Pros can read us very well and it helps.
    I find that things can get complicated with regulars, though. That’s when some previously held-back questions can come up and confusions arise.

    On a personal note, I’m so atypical in so many ways that I gave up on trying to make things work with women long ago. Might as well be from another planet, and if knowing (mostly) what one’s want is key, ignorance is unfortunately often bliss in this world so… it’s hard to make things work on those terms.
    Sex workers offer a much simpler and more satisfying alternative. We’re all still human and it can’t always be perfect or drama-free, however. “Can of worms” entries like this one show that well.

    I’ve stuck so far to the oft-repeated here mantra that “she’ll let me know”, and that’s kept me out of trouble! I sure do have a lot of things to understand about what providers do or say, but a lot is probably left unsaid in the end. On blogs like this one, I get a chance to explore those issues safely – so thanks for that!

    I’ll leave you on an unexpected source for a quote you could try on those clients a little too stuck on routines and menus: “Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.” (Patton) 🙂

  3. Hobbyist — Actually, it has nothing to do with the charm of the client. It has to do with me being a professional mind-reader. All I need to be able to do my job is a man who knows what he wants. As long as he has no visible attitude about it — it will all be good.

    Regulars are both good and bad. It’s hard to keep things from going so personal that they become truly personal; as opposed to regulars who become friends and everyone can stay at the same level of friendship. Of course, this all about dealing with actual humans. It’s the best and worst thing about this business. It’s easily the most intriguing and most stimulating part of it too.

    Your self-expression on here has been interesting and welcome, so enjoy!

    Agree with Patton’s quote, though this is something best left unsaid in an actual appointment. If he THINKS it, I’ll know. SAYING it just ruins everything. Yeah, I know I know. All these delicate little interactions.

    There’s no way in hell anyone can quantify all this into a review and a 1-10 score! It’s so pathetic that it’s even attempted.

    XX

  4. “If he THINKS it, I’ll know. SAYING it just ruins everything.”
    Well, see, that’s what I implied when I brought up charm and you had to go and burst my bubble! The best things (like jokes) shouldn’t be spelled out. So if the client knows what he wants, and the escort reads his mind, you have a recipe for a good session without the need to say much.

    The whole concept is rooted in eastern philosophy (and even freudian theory), with its insistence on letting go of the conscious control of the self to be really free and creative. Words are crutches.

    I agree that guys who insist on following a script are actually prisoners of their routines, and therefore do not actually know what they want, BTW.

  5. Hobbyist — To me, charm is someone who verbally can get anyone to agree to anything without ever leading to a confrontation. Not the same as merely desiring something without ever hinting at what one desires. Two completely different concepts (to me).

    The problem with so many, many men is that they do not actually know what they want, both clients and civilians.

    XX

  9. Hobbyist — Good point! Guess that would probably make this little series my #1 posts.

    Wow. Of all the stuff I’ve written on here, this topic really isn’t the most important point. Ah well, the “crowd” has spoken.

    XX

  10. I do think it’s a hot button issue that’s on a lot of people’s minds, and hardly ever brought up for obvious reasons (highly sensitive and risky).

    When I entered The Hobby I “butterflew” like crazy on purpose and brushed off any fleeting feelings or concerns that a provider might “like” me as illusions. I had been alone for very long and was afraid to hurt, get hurt, and otherwise be a complete fool.

    But then I got comfortable and started having regulars (and requests to become one), and signs on both sides became harder to ignore.

    Still dismissing most of it for all the reasons you have made clear, but I’m convinced that humans, no matter how resolved and self-aware, are weak and have a natural tendency towards attachment.

    Whenever we like something, we try to make it ours. That’s how we put rings on people’s fingers, birds in cages, leashes on dogs, etc.
    Now I’m a “rolling stone”, I try to just “walk the earth” (lol), and I fight all possessiveness (especially when it comes to people, but I apply that to everything)… but as long as we’re alive, I think we’re still in “the game”, whatever it is. And that involves a level of confusion and foolishness.

    Some folks are definitely more clear-minded than others, but they’re just one-eyed men in the land of the blind. The truly, fully self-aware, would be insufferable and/or removed from this world (maybe by themselves), I’m convinced of that.

  11. Hobbyist — I try hard as I can to hold everything in an open palm. Most people don’t seem to like to do that. It’s scary, sure. Binding ties are often scarier, IMO. Being self-aware (and I think I’m quite self-aware) doesn’t make life easier, it does make it simpler.

    One thing I notice again and again is men’s fear of being a “fool.” No need for that fear, really. Just treating all with respect usually alleviates “being a fool.” Though how one is a “fool” for having softer emotions is beyond me, but anyway…

    In this realm, a man appears a lot less foolish to the provider if he doesn’t try to bargain or assume too much (note to lurkers, you seem to have a handle on it).

  15. Hi Amanda. As a long time reader (but very very rare commenter) I must sat that a client is paying for time and attention. To think anything else is not useful and further the distorts the point of spending time with an escort.

    It is always about spending time and gaining attention. Always.

  16. Liras — I certainly think so! It’s especially obvious when time-wasters keep on writing emails because what they’re looking for is attention, not sex. Most men are looking for attention.

    XX

  17. Hi, Amanda. It’s been a while since I read your site and I’m now just catching up on a few months of your blogging.

    I have to admit the thought of buying an woman’s body is terrifying… When you buy something you have to take care of it and women’s bodies are complicated things to take care of, as any look into a womans bathroom or purse will tell you.

    Ok, now to be serious, after reading this post my first thought about what I wish for when I see an escort is akin to a chemical/nuclear reaction.
    I want that personal energy she expends to react with the personal energy I expend and cause a reaction that generates it’s own energy. Hopefully enough is generated to cause a beautiful experience and will give us both back more energy than we put out.

    The women I have this type of reaction with I call multiple times and found the reaction better each time.

    Thanks again for putting your thoughts out there, they are an excellent source of “food for thought” for me.

    Tom

  18. Tom — Nice to see you back here again! Sounds like life is being good to you too.

    Agreed on all points. You define that mysterious thing called “chemistry” very well.

    ESPECIALLY agreed about the part on men not wanting the upkeep after buying a woman’s body. Any woman can tell you these things look great but do NOT come with warranties of any kind. The maintenance is killer.

    XX

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