what are you really paying for? 4

The Simpsons have the answer for everything. In one brilliant line, Moe Szyslak answers the question above and solves the Gordian Knot of dating issues in the US.

Just watch episode The Blue and The Gray till 4:40. Or watch the whole episode, it’s fun!

(In case you can’t get the video going, Moe walks into a pickup artist/dating seminar and says: “Uh excuse me. Is this the seminar where you learn to pick up free escorts?”)

what are you really paying for?

[Probably opening a can of worms with this post, but it’s something I’ve wanted to say for a while.]

I’ve said it over and over again — escort work is about energy, creating a connection, entertainment and selling time, not sex. This is what I do for a living. Since I don’t work for a corporation, this is how I make my income. This is my job. It can involve sex, but not always. It always involves time, energy, conversation, and creating a connection. Always.

Many men have offered a friendly meeting for lunch or coffee. With rare exception — at my discretion, of course — I turn these offers down. Why? They aren’t offering to compensate me for my time and energy. It insults them that I wish to be paid for how I make my living. Yet what are they expecting? They expect me to show up well-groomed, well-dressed, to entertain and flatter, share my mind, my time, my energy. At the end of that time out of my day, I will be drained. They, on the other hand, will have gained. How is this a fair trade?

Some have tried to flatter me by telling me what great company I am. Yes, I know. That’s my job. That’s what I get paid to do. I make my income by selling my time and energy. Clients — who by definition pay me for my efforts — show respect for my time/energy by compensating me as I request. I always appreciate that.

My friend Holly Brooks* states is so well on her site:

While I always share a fond affection for my patrons, please do not ask me to meet you for any time without compensation, no matter how long we have known each other. This includes, “just a coffee” or “just lunch.” As a professional companion, people find me fascinating enough to invest in having my undivided attention for an allotted time– and what we do with that time or where we spend it has no bearing on how much the time costs. I get compensated for my time and company– that’s what I do for a living. Thank you for understanding and for not taking advantage of my time. 🙂

Exactly, Holly.

I offer a 1hr pick-my-brain session for both men and women over the age of 18. It’s compensated, of course, but it’s on the table for those who want to enjoy some personal time with me. And if you don’t think a conversation is personal attention, then these coffee/lunch offers wouldn’t be made in the first place.

Freud should’ve asked what men want

Men who want to spend time with a sex worker without sex (and without paying for her time), are an ironic contrast to men who take women out to dinner under the guise of dating and expect sex from her because they paid for dinner; even if it was very, very inexpensive.

*no relation