imperfect victims

What every sex worker faces in the fight for justice, whether in the larger activist sense or in the smaller sense of considering whether to file a police report or restraining order.

These thoughts came about due to reading the about the legal defense tactics of Oklahoma cop Daniel Holtzclaw, “The Claw.” He specifically chosen stigmatized women with criminal charges of some kind or another to rape: sex workers, women with drug addictions, and all of them black. He knew they were easy targets and no one would believe them if they ever dared come forward, including a 17yr old. His actions came to light after he sexually assaulted a woman who was none of the above. (Echoes of Gary Ridgeway, anyone?)

Unsurprisingly, his defense is resting on tearing apart the women he assaulted, which is easy to do because they’re imperfect victims. They’re not angels, even the underage teen had an outstanding warrant for trespassing.

The empty-courtroom lack of support for the victims of Holtzclaw is what moved me to write this post. Some of his victims are fellow sex workers. I’m not aware of any sex work org that offered support to them in any form, correct me if I’m wrong. Various women’s groups seem to be shying away from supporting his victims as well, presumably because they are not “perfect” women, especially with drug use and sex work aspects.

These tactics have been used on every woman who has ever filed rape charges against anyone; against any sex worker who has attempted to file charges against anyone for anything. The most recent use of both sex work stigma and the imperfect victim in the courtroom is Jonathan Paul Koppenhaver’s (aka War Machine) defense that since his ex-girlfriend Christie Mack was a porn star, she pre-consented to everything he did to her.

Imperfect victims may not be easy to like. They may do shady or illegal things themselves. They make what others consider bad decisions. (Generally, it’s seen as bad decision on their part to get in the way of their assaulter’s fist or rapist’s penis.)

While most people use the term “unsympathetic” victim, I’m using the term “imperfect” because I think this has much more to do with the victims being easily judged by others for their flaws and shortcomings, as opposed to whether or not they’re relatable and/or pitiable. Their obvious social imperfections make it very easy to “other” them, leading to their condemnation — as opposed to focusing on the perpetrators who harmed them.

Yes, there’s a personal interest here. All Jill and I have been for the past 3.5yrs are imperfect victims (that is, assuming we’re seen as victims at all). I do not like identifying as a “victim” but from a legal standpoint, I am. Like these woman, a predator saw an opportunity and took it. Every lawyer Jill and I have consulted with has been concerned about our sex work coming up in court. Because of this “concern” by gutless lawyers, we’ve never seen the inside of a courtroom because they were too afraid to take on the case. Why was it somehow bad that I was a sex worker injured by my client, yet not seen as legally vulnerable for him to have been a client? Sex work stigma, imperfect victim, female.

Imperfect victims exist everywhere, not just among women and sex workers. Younis Chekkouri, a prisoner at Guantanamo Bay, is an imperfect victim, despite apparently being haplessly innocent. Isn’t innocence part of the definition of victimhood? Why then, is innocence removed from imperfect victims? Because, somehow, their lives render them less-innocent than the perpetrators who harmed them.

This has been said before, but if a perpetrator is to be presumed innocent until proven guilty, how does it manage to work that the victim of certain crimes is automatically guilty, never to be innocent at all?

Every single time another person (usually black, often unarmed) is killed by police, their lives are scrutinized to find just how much of an imperfect victim they are in order to justify their death. The amazing discovery is that, aside from Tamir Rice (a child), none of these victims were perfect. They were human, sometimes making poor decisions, sometimes prior law-breakers, even if the laws broken were minor. Their imperfect victim status is touted as all the reason in the world for their death. It’s certainly a line of logic that sex workers recognize. When it comes to heavily stigmatized people, basically, you’re an imperfect victim because you’re still breathing.

While the antihero is a celebrated figure, imperfect victims open themselves up to re-victimization simply by being imperfect. Why does it work that way? Is it the inherent vulnerability of being a victim in the first place? I think that has a lot to do with it, actually. Only the perfect are allowed to be vulnerable, if you are imperfect then you had it coming to you. An antihero is not a victim. Often, antiheroes seek revenge and this is the opposite of vulnerable. Antiheroes aren’t “othered,” they’re seen as something to emulate.

The best, most meta statement on the antihero/victim dichotomy is summed up neatly in The Crow. Eric Draven comes back from the dead to hunt down and kill the extremely criminal men who killed him and his fiance. As he begins his night of revenge, he ironically tells one of the men (before stabbing him to death), “Victims. Aren’t we all?”

Imperfect victims who have the guts to come forward, especially once their cases make it to court, should be offered moral support — at the very least. This battle gets fought over and over again: every time a child abuse victim speaks up, a rape victim files charges, a sex worker is harmed by a client or someone in their personal life, and so on. At what point does the reverse happen and the perpetrator become an imperfect criminal? Even mass shooters often manage to escape the amount of blame heaped on the average rape victim, as minimizing excuse after excuse is offered for the shooters’ actions.

What makes a perfect victim? Being none of the above. White and male makes a huge difference to accessing justice, or managing not to be the victim of a crime in the first place. Money creates an even bigger gap (some of the people unjustly killed by police in this year have been white men who were poor). These three things alone will prevent the desire to show imperfections. Nice, right? (And who needs moral support when the entire system is perfectly aligned with your needs?)

bits and pieces 7

This isn’t a very heartfelt blog post, but it’s only recently that I’ve realized how blocked I am from everything that is going on in my life. Professionally, I’m doing fine and have found my footing again. It’s nice. Personally, after all the shit that has happened, I have only true friends remaining and that’s very nice too.

But…writing-wise, very blocked because my limited creative energy goes either to making money as an escort or dealing with the ridiculous amount of ongoing stress in my life. So, I’m toe-dipping. It’s not like riding a bicycle. It’s like learning to do this all over again. I never intended this blog to get this personal and backing off from that point is harder than I thought it would be, even though I most certainly shy away from baring all online. I guess what I’m saying is I unintentionally shifted my boundaries and it’s weird. That, and limited creative energy due to having a TBI.

Anyway…

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life, death, and trust

This is the far more spectacular story I once promised to tell.

I began this history in mid-May, when Jill received her terminal diagnosis. Jill has read this fully and contributed. To the disappointment of many, she hasn’t yet dropped dead. But we have both decided it is time to make public the true story of why and how she is dying. This story started as something else. Not a eulogy, not a memorial, a written memento mori of incidents and echoes.

If there is purpose in all of this, I leave it to someone else to find.

This is what Jill wants to be said, what I want to say, for now, so that it is said.

The history begins and ends with Jill.

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reactions vii

electronics and water don’t mix

Though I’ve made efforts to maintain my smartphone-virginity, that may change. I killed my beloved Nokia 3600 Slide worldphone that I’ve had for years. I can’t buy a replacement anymore because they don’t make them. I will likely have to get some sort of damn touchscreen thing. I like my electronics as simple as possible. And I have fingernails. Studying Nokia models as we speak. I still require an unlocked quad-band GSM phone.

facebook vs sex workers (again)

I’m not the only one getting kicked off Facebook. Porn stars are too. Facebook is fine with violence, not with sex. Got it.

real virginity

This essay by a real-life virgin shows how unhealthy an absolute focus on virginity is for a woman. History is full of tales of women who were seduced or raped and then had to turn to prostitution because they had no societal value as an unmarried non-virgin. It would be nice if we were beyond that, but clearly not. There’s nothing wrong with saving good sex for someone you love, but putting your whole value as a woman and human being into a state you’re unlikely to maintain if you live your life is whacked. It doesn’t lead to a better sex life if you’re told how horrible and dirty sex is until that magic day when it isn’t. Human emotions and self-image don’t work that way.

If you know someone who wants to take an abstinence pledge, please show them this article and talk to them about it (if you can). And don’t encourage them to faux-marry their father. Ick.

non-pickup artist

One woman has decided to draw the men who irritate her online. I have no problem with that done a personal level to vent, but then she shares it online (with the men and the world). I think that’s a bit much for the level of offense given. It does make me wonder if an escort completely fed up with hobbyists is going to start doing this? It would not be pretty.

male escorts as therapists

A woman who hired male escorts, lost weight, and felt better about herself throughout it. Female escorts have essentially been saying this for years — how we often end up being therapists. I like that it shows professional companionship can be good for either gender. It’s also a great weight-loss plan.

escort photographers are better

After spending the last couple years purusing boudoir photographers and escort photographers, I’ve come to the conclusion that (good) escort photographers are better. I can think of one boudoir photographer I would like to have a session with. Escort photographers not only understand sexy better, they’re more creative on the whole. They’re more into showcasing the individual woman in front of their camera because of how important it is to that woman to have unique pictures. Plus, when you know the pictures you take are going to be plastered all over the Internet, you probably work a little bit harder to impress random viewers. There are a fair number of good escort photographers scattered over the country, each with a unique style, capable of producing beautiful, individualized photos for every escort in their portfolio. I can’t say the same for boudoir photographers.

help an activist

My longtime friend Jill Brenneman is in dire need of financial help due a terminal medical condition. I’ve mentioned Jill on here now and again. She was part of SWOP-East and has an unusual history. Part of that history can be read at Sex Workers Without Borders, part of that over at Bound, not Gagged and part of it over at Maggie McNeill’s blog.

Jill has made the incredible journey from sex trafficking victim, to anti-prostitution activist, to sex worker rights activist. She is responsible for bringing many sex workers into activism (including me). She’s a living example of the harm our current laws cause to both trafficking victims and sex workers. She’s had a long speaking career, engaging and challenging her audiences, often opening minds.

Now she is slowly dying and needs our help. Her needs are simple but necessary. We’ve started a fundraising campaign for her at Indiegogo. Anything you can contribute helps. Any way you can pass this along to others helps. Anything that can be done to ease her suffering helps. The fund-raising goal is modest and if we can exceed it, so much the better. It goes to making what’s rest of her life that much easier.

In her own words, below, she fully explains her medical condition. There is no cure. Though she has Medicare, they take every opportunity to deny her coverage and she has co-pays for all of her health care, which is extensive right now. Obviously, she cannot work in any capacity. She can barely stand up and walk.

I’ve been watching her degrade since April and in mid-May she received her terminal diagnosis. I’ve done what I can to help her but I’m one person and live far from her. Thank you in advance for helping my friend.

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