Not only am I late with this post, but I’m honestly not doing much of anything about it this year. Last year I was in Hong Kong, marching with Zi Teng (still need to post about that). This year, in Dallas, going to spend the evening with someone I’ve just started seeing, someone who I feel isn’t sex-worker-friendly. So there is only so far things can progress. A good friend’s relationship just went down the toilet, due in part to issues surrounding her being a sex worker.
Though none of that compares to the lives lost this year. SWOP-USA has put together a great Dec 17 site, so please peruse at your leisure.
Expendable can happen in so many ways. The job can overshadow so much: who the sex worker is, their basic civil rights, their claim to humanity.
As a web site owner in the escorting industry , i have had a lot of stories and experiences. i would like to comment and say sex worker or not , one can find love, of-course its easier dating someone not from that side of life, but have in mind u can fine love any were and by faith and maturity it will work.
Dear Amanda:
Years ago when you became a sex worker I was wondering did you take into account that the man that would date you would have to fall into a certain category intellectually,emotionally and psychologically. It is really a rare find for anyone who is in the sex industry to find a partner who is secure enough in himself to come to grips with that profession. Also how do you identify men that would be okay with that and what type of litmus test do you use to determine if one would potentially be accepting of your work. Unfortunately these are the times that you are appreciating how your professional choices are impacting your personal life. That is why I inquired did you fully understand the ramifications and consequences of your choices when you decided to become a sex worker. This will tend to resonate with you now more than ever because you are now really at an age where pretty soon you will want to begin to have a family and it something I am sure that you tend to contemplate and grapple with on a frequent basis.
Amanda,
I hope your new relationship works out. You certainly deserve the best.
Take care,
David
Jeff — “Finding love” has a lot to do with the stereotypes the mainstream population has about sex workers, not the individual sex workers themselves. But then, you must have seen this by now.
Lionel — Duh. I have spent far more time thinking about these things than you ever have. I especially love how you think it’s all MY problem because I’m pursuing a career of my choice (and I also assume I met you as a client).
For the record, I do not want babies or a white picket fence surrounding an upside-down mortgage. Never have and that ain’t changing at my advanced age.
David — Thank you.
All — This post really was about the sex workers who were murdered this year and the day of contemplation/memorialization for sex workers worldwide. I’ll just contemplate my personal life elsewhere.
There are also plenty of sex workers, Lionel, who have husbands (or wives) with children, the nice house filled with love and respect… the whole kit and kaboodle. Would you have asked the same of a middle-class woman during the 1930s, when women of that class were first entering the workforce in large numbers? Or in the late 1960s and early 1970s, when bonafide career women were establishing themselves?
Those women were also seen as possibly “unfit” for motherhood and wifehood because they were crossing a rather arbitrary boundary; many of them were also deemed whorish/sluttish for wanting to work outside the home.
If I am not mistaken, several years ago you left sex work to pursue a monogamous relationship. Realizing that that was not what you wanted, you returned to sex work and admitted to yourself, as well as your followers, that monogamy was not for you.
In this, the “enlightened” 21st Century, societial norms still dictate that sex work, regardless of the income and good working conditions, is not an acceptable profession whereas working at a menial job for minimum wages is and that concept is unlikely to change anytime in the foreseeable future.
I dare say that nearly anyone you would want to be with in a personal relationship would be in the “mainstream population” and would be adverse to your continuing to work in the sex industry.Not to say that he would be uncomfortable with the fact that you previously were a sex worker, but would not want you to continue. Introducing you to “Mom” and her friends at the Country Club as my “fiance who was,is, and will continue to be an escort” probably would not endear one to one’s family. Finding someone who would, would be like finding that one needle in a haystack of needles.
Regardless of what you do with your life, make sure you do it for yourself and not for someone else because at the end of the day, the only one who is going to make you happy is the one you see when you look in the mirror.
The fact of the matter is that if a person loves and accepts themself, as Amanda obviously does then someone is going to find something attractive enough there to love. Love is elusive, we cannot decide suddenly that we are ready to fall in love and boom, instant partner. Love is mysterious, elusive and spontaneous. I became pregnant near the end of my 31st yr. and my partner did not want a child so I raised my child alone. I poured all my love into my child and was celibate for 14 yrs. At 45, I got plastic surgery and a new lease on life. Wanted to date but didn’t meet the right person until my 46th birthday and fell head over heels, slept with him right away against all the dating rules and felt like I had woke from a deep sleep. I became a sex worker at age 47!! and 18 months ago a new client walked in and I happily slept with him on the spot. He lives down my street and accepts me for who I am and is 15 yrs. my senior. (He is a stud and in better shape than most 20 yr. olds). He is my biggest cheerleader and greatest ally. Oh, I forgot… My child is now a 16 yr. old honor student and holds down a part time job at the local grocery store. My clients include physicians, surgeons, a pastor and numerous blue and white collar usually married types who can’t get from their partners what I am happy to supply them with and I am so sick of the so called Right who seem to think that 50’s sitcoms were what life is supposed to be like. If it were, we’d all be out of business.
Aspasia — Very true. Anytime a woman steps out of societal bounds she is “unfit” at the very least; a complete pariah at the very worst.
Larry — Already figured all that out. Quite a while back.
Though honestly, introducing someone by their occupation instead of WHO they are is more than a little rude. I guess I’ve always just hung with people who think differently.
Massuse — Great story! Though it can be difficult finding an older man who has taken care of himself, when it happens — there is nothing else like it! Experience counts for so much, in all areas of life.
People over 40 also stop giving such a damn about what others think — a refreshing perspective I’ve been trying to adopt for many years (several close girlfriends are 40+).
Amanda,
Thank you for the props for older men! It made my day (as a guy in his 50s).
David — You’re welcome! With age comes wisdom and experience — two very important qualities in bed (and life).
Amanda…
…you are such a DOLL!
I found your sites just before Christmas and have been pouring over them ALL. Just ordered BOTH your books, express/overnight, via telephone. What a God-send you are! What a mind you have! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!
Many blessings with your new beau 🙂
xoxox
Venus
Venus — Thank you! And you’re welcome. I hope you enjoy the reads and find them helpful. (And thanks for supporting my company by direct-order instead of Amazon!)
My new beau and I are doing fine, actually. We mutually hope things continue to go well because we like each other (we had The Talk).
XX
You don’t have to do something special December 17 Amanda. Your presence in the world and what you add to it every day is something special. My feeling is that I can think of at least one sex worker who is not on a list of those to remember on December 17 this year, or next year because of you being you. Who you are every day kept one person from person from having to be remembered. That is something special every day.
My last entry wasn’t clear. (God I need to learn to proofread or remember to do it before I forget to do it) That person doesn’t have to be remembered because she is still alive. That life had a lot to do with what you add to the world and to her life. Preventing someone from having to be memorialized is about the greatest tribute to those lost that one can ever give.
Jill — Thank you. I agree completely: “Preventing someone from having to be memorialized is about the greatest tribute to those lost that one can ever give.” Something every sex worker should hope to achieve.