I need to get back to writing again, so I’m doing a couple posts about online escorts issues.
getting what you really want at a lower rate
I received advertising spam from a combination info-blog/advertising mall except they don’t seem to actually have any escorts signed up with them (they also seem geared toward agencies, not indies). I’m not sure why I got spammed, but the site was entertaining nonetheless. Their stated purpose is to teach clients “learn how to negotiate with escorts the right way to get what you really want. Don’t risk getting ripped off or going to jail.”
Escorts have an adverse reaction to the word negotiate. It’s a business. You pay what the businessperson is charging or seek to engage another businessperson. If you can’t afford Escort A, then there is probably the very-affordable Escort B advertising in Escort A’s city — all you have to do is reach out and email. Don’t haggle with Escort A because that won’t get you anywhere except possibly a complaint on a ladies’ board; just email Escort B and arrange a booking with the escort you can afford.
As for teaching male clients how to “get what they really want” I would highly suggest finding an escort whose personality turns you on, go in without heavy expectations and let the experienced professional do her job without getting in her way (she’s going to try to make you very happy). See her again and again and pretty soon you have exactly the experience you want — quite possibly surpassing your original expectations. (I touch on this subject a bit more here.)
Or…you could send an escort a detailed letter of every little thing you expect from her and every little thing you want her to do — and never see her. She may post this letter on a national ladies’ board for the laughs (or you could live in infamy online as a time-waster), which could mean you don’t see any escort in her city. Or you send copies of this letter to every escort in a single city, effectively screwing yourself out of seeing any escort in that city.
That’s how “getting what you really want” really works in really real life.
another logic gap
The site’s blog post titles are amusing to me, reading them sounds like a lot of tire-kicking and viewing escorts (aka “human beings”) as little Barbies sitting on a shelf until someone comes along, reads the description on the box and decides whether or not to take the lucky Barbie to the cash register. Talking, companionship, sex is an interaction. It really is. The presence of cash does not change that, though it may smooth the interaction tremendously.
There was zero discussion of boundaries on this site, which is a large consideration when meeting an escort. She has them and so do you. Boundaries are important considerations when you’re trying to “get what you really want” from another human being. Instead, it just seems that “getting what you want” entails paying the escort more. That works with some girls to a point. It doesn’t fly at all with others. That whole interaction thing again, damnit.
safety for clients, and the law
Men do sometimes get ripped off by escorts. If you call a sketchy-sounding girl and ask her to come to your hotel at 1am and she doesn’t ever discuss price until she gets there, well boys, you get what you pay for. On the other hand, girls get ripped off every single day, often by (former) regular clients and very, very regularly by hobbyists. They get ripped off during the day and at night. It happens to many girls in every single city, every single day, across the nation. Due to the laws being what they are, the girls cannot file charges. In countries where sex work is fully decriminalized, there is no such thing as being ripped off because the client doesn’t want arrested and then hauled into court to explain his actions. Nor do rip-off escorts exist — for exactly the same reasons. Funny how not working underground takes care of all that.
But clients somehow think they’re the ones at risk, especially from those devious escorts who are established, have websites, reviews and charge more than $100.
Online reverse sting operations [where undercover female cops arrest male clients] happen about as often as a $500/hr escort is willing to get haggled down to $100/hr. However, all smart escorts screen because there is a very good chance the person trying to book with them is a cop and wants to ruin their life over a private matter between consenting adults. Escorts do not particularly enjoy screening, but escorts don’t enjoy arrest more than they don’t enjoy screening.
it came from Twitter
On the other hand, decrim is not the answer to all life’s problems. One of my Twitter followers commented (to someone else) that “reproving the legal problem will force all sex workers to provide quality service.”
Escorts like to be forced to do things about as much as they like having no rights. Second, “quality service” is a very subjective thing, as every single hobbyist-reviewer will attest to. Escorts are a bit more professional and a lot more upfront about what they’re willing to do in locales with decrim because they’re not afraid of being arrested, and it helps them weed out clients they’re not willing to take. Fair enough. But “quality service?” If the client does a poor job of assessing chemistry or is an unpleasant client, then it doesn’t matter how decriminalized the area is, “quality” probably isn’t going to happen for him. Third, neither decrim nor legalization has “quality service” coded into the laws because forcing sex workers to entertain clients in a certain manner is not what the laws are about. Forcing sex workers to do something they may not want to does not protect them — and both decrim/legalized laws are generally built around the concept of consent and not force.
Decrim does mean he won’t be ripped off, he will not have to worry about his safety (assuming he still uses common sense in choosing companions) and if he chooses an indie — she will look like her pix. He may not have the ultimate experience he expects to have (because escorts are human too), but he will not encounter dangerous or threatening negatives. That’s all decrim does. It does not change escorts or clients to something they’re not; nor does it create a magical fantasyland where all escorts conform to one man’s idea of what escorts should be.
Of all the reasons I’ve ever encountered for advocating for decriminalizing prostitution, forcing escorts to provide “quality service” is a new one to me. It’s refreshing to know I can learn something new every day.