Playboy* magazine has its monthly Advisor column and every month some clueless dolt writes in. The Advisor’s advice is usually good, but sometimes there are things I’d like to add, or the question is so confounding that I want to say something.
June 07’s question:
Male porn actors often spank the woman’s pussy before going down on her. Do women enjoy having their genitals slapped?
Advisor’s answer:
Given the thin line between pleasure and pain, we’re sure some women enjoy it, but we would wait for a specific request. If we had our way, porn studs would spend less time spanking vulvas and more time massaging clits.
My answer:
You need to put down the porn and go have sex with a real woman. Lots of times or lots of women – whatever you can possibly do. You’ll be amazed how much you can learn if you have sex with actual, living women. You’ll learn even more if you communicate during sex and ask questions like “Do you want to try this?†or “Do you like it if I do this?â€
Women enjoy having their genitals slapped as much as you do. (Some men really like this, most don’t.) Brush up on your anatomy. We have all the same nerve endings you have. Our genitals are intimately connected with our entire body. A vagina is not a mysterious hole in the space-time continuum.
Finally, understand that porn movies are entertainment, not sexual documentaries. Try not to confuse reality with anything labeled as “entertainment.†Just because an actor can get sprayed with bullets halfway through an action movie and still keep fighting doesn’t mean the same will happen to you if you get caught in a drive-by.
And really — turn off the porn.
*I’ve had a subscription to Playboy for several years. I always considered it a research expense.
“A vagina is not a mysterious hole in the space-time continuum.” This has got to be one of the best lines I have ever read on the subject and sums it up so succinctly!
I never understood that whole slapping thing myself. I figured it was just one of the moves that goes in and out of vogue in the porn industry. I’ve never done it like that, and none of my lady friends have ever asked me to.
I’ve been subscribing to Playboy for 15 or 16 years now. I’ve always found it to be interesting and tasteful in its presentation of women. And I actually read most of the magazine. Some of the articles (especially the interviews) are fascinating. And the fiction is almost always very good.
“A vagina is not a mysterious hole in the space-time continuum.”
…But that doesn’t mean we’re not thoroughly interested in exploring them nonetheless. 🙂
Ian
Dammit!!!
Either get yourself a job there and save that magazine or I’m cancelling my subscription.
This is my first and last warning. 😉
Aspasia,
Thanks! I thought it was pretty clever when I came up with it. Makes me giggle.
Ian,
Playboy often does have good articles and interviews. But the people who write into the Advisor…whew! Some really miss the point!
There’s a lot that’s done in porn that I’d never recommend doing in real life with either sex. It’s entertainment and the actors are professionals. I’m not against porn at all, just as long as “entertainment” is firmly kept in mind.
Exploring is good. Stupefication is not.
XX
JW,
I’ve lusted after the Advisor’s job for a long time! If I could get the role, I would! Except that I don’t know a whole lot about men’s suits or high-end stero equipment. Maybe you’ll have to fill in for that…
XX
I have spent more time on your web site or blog and I like the layout and style. Plus your sense of humor is outstanding. It does seem you do not care too much for men these days. Or maybe just the ones that are around after midnight. It is good to see the level of interest there is out there for you versus the level of disinterest that surely will follow one day. You should plot a graph of the demands of your time versus what you would like to get accomplished each week. I am sure there is a correlation between the two. (of course dummy) Enjoy it while you can except to the point where you can’t go outside anymore. Where can I find your advise column here? I have a few questions. LOL
Oh, I love this! I used to have a boyfriend who did this to me. He did all kinds of weird stuff that he learned from porn. None of it was enjoyable for me. There should be a disclaimer on pornos that says “this movie was made for your male viewing pleasure only. no females were turned on in the making of this film. please do not try this at home.”
Anna — Ouch! Love your disclaimer label. Should be mandatory.
Great answers you all! The smacking bit I imagine is a pain~pleasure thing, but also a way to show a close-up visual of the vaginas movement during the foreplay and maybe even an at-the-moment claim of ownership of the vagina.. a way to help the viewer engage and fantasize about being a part of the act.
I was curious about this, myself. It’s not often that I masturbate but myself prefer porn for the excitement. It can be fun, especially with your partner if you feel very comfortable with that kind of thing. There is no shame in watching it and don’t EVER let anyone make you feel guilty for masturbating because ALL girls do it and it’s very healthy especially on a stressful day. Maybe a 5% don’t, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lied to my closest friends about this, only until I’d turned 30 did I even start to actually really try it out properly. I simply had not spoke to anyone else about it and have always considered myself very conservative, I do not like showing my cleavage, I rarely even wore shorts or skirts until recently. Anyways, June girl… Alot of men in pornography deliberately degrade and humiliate women. That pause when they pull out and open the hole for a like a minute.. and It’s like .. “Uhmmm”. There are quite a few men, not alot but there is a certain amount who are only into watching degrading pornography and watching women hurt during anal, as tragic and shocking as it is. Do not let this get to you (like I did for a very long time lol) In my personal opinion, It’s better than these guys going out and doing this to other women in real life. Myself, I’ve went down a curious road of watching some twisted porn lmao but I realize It’s not something I’d want to ever do in real life and it really made me want nothing to do with anything other than the basic type. Not saying the porn stars are rapists.. they’re all there to do a job, male or female and they checklist what they will do and what they won’t, and whatever they wish to do to live a lifestyle they choose is their decision and we can choose to either watch it or stick to basic and “normal” pornography. I apologize for going off way off topic for a second there lol
Men are jerks, porn is just fine and for girls too and don’t let the acts of odd behavior from men in porn bother you or sway you away from the rest of it, about having fun and relaxing and if it bothers you girly just stay away from it because there is absolutely NO shame WHATSOEVER in standing up for what YOU believe in, how you feel about something, and what you do and do not want to watch!
Lol…you got issues