After years of receiving my own pile of emails and phone calls, years of listening to other girls, and my own friends who work Backpage, here is how the world would be if it functioned like these men apparently believe it does.
I assume these men are clients of some poor soul. They aren’t real clients and aren’t civilians. They live in their own special realm.
— Makes a dental appointment: “Here is a picture of my great teeth. They’re so amazing you need to pay me to clean them. What? You’re going to charge me anyway? You money-grubbing whore.”
— Speaks with a general contractor: “You’re going to bill me for this? I thought you liked working on my house so much you’d do it for free. You’re such a money-grubbing whore.”
— Calls a bank after 5pm: “Oh, so you just closed once you made all your money for the day. I see how you are, you money-grubbing whore.”
— Walks into a Mercedes dealership: “I want the newest S model. In black. Turbo. Fully-loaded. Full warranty. Free oil changes for life. And I only have $100. What? You won’t do this amazing deal? You money-grubbing whore.”
— Calls the home number of the manager of a local steakhouse at 4am: “Wake up. I want a steak with all the trimmings right now. The steakhouse is closed? You advertised steak and I want steak. Wake up and cook my steak. I’ll be there in 5 minutes and I only have $20. You can’t tell me no! I’m a customer! You sleep-grubbing whore.”
— Sends long love letter to therapist: “I love you unconditionally forever. You listen to me and make me feel good. You’re the most wonderful person in the world. What? You don’t want to date me? Why not? Fine. I hate you. All you care about is material things and your stupid boundaries. You money-grubbing whore.”
— Argues with bill collector: “All you care about is getting paid. I am living a spiritual life and money is not important to me, you money-grubbing whore.”
— Calls local mechanic at 4:54pm. At 4:55pm. At 4:57pm. At 5:01pm. At 5:03pm. At 5:05pm. At 5:10pm. At 5:11pm. At 5:12pm. Finally leaves message: “I hope you’re better at fixing cars than you are at answering your phone. I wanted my car fixed but my car is too good for you. You disease-ridden, money-grubbing whore.”
— Sees doctor. Goes to pay: “Why am I being charged? Not only was the doc so nice to me and took care of me, that’s what the doctor likes doing. Why should I have to pay since they like being a doctor so much? Money-grubbing whore.”
— Writes the CEO of Gulfstream: “I really like your jets but can’t afford one. However, I’m 49yrs old, 5’10”, 190lbs, drug/disease-free and like classic movies and read a lot. Could we meet for lunch so I can go ride on one of your jets anyway? NO? How dare you say that to me! I offer so much as a passenger. You money-grubbing whore.”
— Calls his local Chinese delivery restaurant: “I’m 2500 miles away but could I get delivery in the next half hour? No? Why not? I really want Chinese food and think your food is great. I’m willing to pay, and have a coupon. I don’t understand.”
— Argues with wife: “I didn’t marry you because I loved you! I married you so that I could pay your bills so you would have sex with me! And now you won’t have sex with me?! Marriage is paying for sex! You’re not living up to your end of the agreement! You money-grubbing whore.” Goes off, contacts escort off Backpage: “Here’s a picture of my penis. It’s really big and I’m really hot. Free sex — just for you! You want paid? You money-grubbing whore.”
Natalie — Thank you very much! And, you’re welcome!
Lively discussion. I agree with Lee’s post too. Everybody gripes about bad clients or customers no matter the field of industry. Some seem to be taking offense from this humorous post because it is coming from strong independent women. The last part about it being a business transaction, is also totally understandable too. In my opinion because an escort puts everything out there for a client, this serves as both a physical and emotional shield.
Michael — Yes, I’ve gotten emails about bad clients from plenty of other businesses. Stupidity doesn’t restrain itself to the escort field but hey, it made for a fun post.
I think those who are taking it the wrong way are perhaps those who have said these things themselves. Clients who don’t think this way just see this as humourous and not personal.
Like anything involving money, sure, it’s a business transaction (and moreso for some girls than others). But it’s still very personal for both parties because it does involve emotions and the physical body. Respecting that is a lesson some men could try to learn.
This is incredibly true… And can be applied to all different types of service businesses.
Nico, Here is an acronym for you.SIUYMFA. Then again, your beta male whiny BS smacks of a fragile man, afraid of women, attempting to top from the bottom with cliches about legalism and the use of the word whore as an insult. Back to the SIUYMFA. You probably have had it that way plenty of times and mama is probably the operating system your personality uses.
Jill — And you’re being nice to Nico, I can tell.
What does SIUYMFA mean?
I’m always nice.
SIUYMFA= Shove it up your mother fucking ass.
Jill — Yes, you’re always nice. 🙂
Thanks for the clarification!
This is the funniest thing you’ve written. As for the guy who thinks it’s unprofessional I’ve read blogs from accountants, private equity firm employees, photographers, lawyers, and caterers who have made fun of the stupid things their clients say and expect. Why not entertain people with a little insight to the behind-the-scenes world of an escort? No names were used, no harm was done, and a lot of people got a good laugh.
I’m curious about why it upsets nico so much that you’re a whore. Do you think it’s unrequited love? Or do you think he’s just a 12 year old who doesn’t understand the complexities that exist in the real world yet? Those who know we are whores aren’t offended by the word. The fact is the truth doesn’t actually hurt, it’s trying to hide from the truth that hurts. Stop hiding nico. Sometimes the people you like the most will do things you find appalling. If you’re mature enough you’ll realize that just because you disagree about something, it doesn’t make them a bad person, or unworthy of being treated fairly.
Anna — Thank you! It makes me giggle every time I read it too.
ANY business that deals with the general public gets stupid responses and of course none of these are identifiable in any way because these have all been mentioned multiple times in multiple ways over the years. So it’s not just one guy who said something like this. (Anyone ever seen the notes from parents that teachers circulate? Puts this list to shame.)
My mom isn’t too upset, neither is my boyfriend or doctor, so I’m not sure why Nico is so upset to discover that I’m a whore. It’s not like I’m hiding anything here. Mostly, I love that he commands me to shut up ON MY OWN BLOG!!!
Your post on this subject is hilarious! I am a cam girl, and the comments are very similar to what I hear when I’m on the job. It amazes me the words STFU, whore, and skank are the repetitive terms used in their simple language to hurt or bruise a woman’s ego or self being. Where as in camming I can smart back asking if they have a thesaurus to come up with a synonym to “whore”, so they can at least be a bit individualized from the mass. Also, I’m eagerly waiting on your books to ship out to me, great blog btw!
Roflcopter — Once again, doesn’t matter what the business is. I have to wonder why some men feel the need to be ugly to women who are more than willing to assist in their needs/desires. What good does that do???
Indeed, if they’re online already, it’s pretty easy to Google for synonyms!
Thank you for being a reader!!!
Wonderful post, Ms. Brooks! If I may, I have a variation on the “idiot client”:
Idiot: Hi, I’m in town for the night and I want to see a big smash Broadway show! Do you have any reviews in the New York Times?
Me: Oh no sir, we are a small community theater company. But we are very well reviewed in our small local paper. Here, let me send you the link to our reviews–
Idiot: WHY DON’T YOU HAVE REVIEWS IN THE NEW YORK TIMES????
Me: Because we’re not a big corporation, we run locally, we are only part time, and we do theater because we enjoy it. Here, here is the link to our reviews in our smaller local papers–
Idiot: If you don’t have reviews in the New York Times, you must be a SHAM!! How do I know you’re a REAL theater company if you don’t have reviews on a great big website!!! I am far too important a person to waste a nanosecond clicking a link to another site! I bet you’re not even a real actor– you’re posing as one to get me in trouble!! I don’t care about your piddly little small-town newspaper! I want a BIG BROADWAY SHOW!!
Me: Well then Sir, I suggest you go see a Big Broadway Show and leave my little theater company alone.
Ivy — Brilliant! That’s not one I’ve heard before but somehow, I’m not surprised. I get the “logic” because it meshes so well with the rest.
I have myself encountered resistance to link-clicking from clients, even to things like my FAQ page. [shakes head]
LOL! Thank you 🙂 Yes, this just happened to me last night. It seems that a well-meaning person wrote a review of me on TER, even though I choose not to advertise there for a variety of reasons– That’s How Mr. Idiot found me, went to my website, and decided to delight me with his…. well, ok, nothing delighted me about him, lol. When he insisted that he read more than one review (which is perfectly reasonable), I tried to direct him to the review site that I use, have 5 stars across the board, and am very happy with. Because he wasn’t familiar with it and didn’t have a membership, that was somehow MY shortcoming, and he accused me of being all sorts of things (LE being one). Needless to say, he did NOT enjoy my company last evening. And I really didn’t lose a lot of sleep over it.
Ivy — I can’t even begin to fathom the logic. There is not a single major review site, on any topic, filled with reviews by random reviewers whom I don’t know anyway, that I trust more than another. Though I certainly understand that some businesses prefer to have all their reviews on one site more than another. I always feel that’s part of their marketing and I’ve always been fine with it. In this realm, it certainly stands to reason that ladies have a preference of one review site over another based on their own comfort level (or marketing, or whatever).
Amanda and Jill, this is really great!
What Paul and Nico are trying to say is, “but you make soooo much money as a whore, you should be happy to put up with anything we ask you to do? You make soooo much money how can you refuse to do anything I ask you to do? And because your a whore who makes sooo much money, you have no right to complain about anything!”
These attitudes are unbelievable and some of the worst things we have to deal with yet you ladies have made them enjoyable!
Thank You!
20 something yr old goes calls a rental apartment to see what might be available. He is informed very nicely that the apartments are only rented to older people, the 50+ and the rate listed is for that age group. He tells the apt manager that he loves senior living apartments and why can’t he rent one, his money is just as good as the older renters. Again the apt manager tells him the apartments are only for older tenants, not young renters. At this point the guy tells the apt manager her apartments are old, falling apart and no one in their right mind would want to rent them when he can rent something much newer and prettier for the same price or less than the senior apartments are renting for.
Fallon — Maybe the attitude is more “You make so much of MY money that you should do anything I ask!” I often get the feeling that these types think paying money to a person entitles one to get anything they want, without reason. They would probably happily be slave owners.
Though men do seem jealous of this particular work, because they assume we all have appointments 24/7 and have all the wild fantasy sex they see on porn, with equally skilled and attractive partners. They fail to understand porn is not a documentary.
Naomi — Ha! I and my friends have gotten that, almost word for word. You speak from experience, I can tell. 🙂
Wait, porn is not a documentary? I am so disillusioned:)