Because my post on what you pay for with an escort devolved into a discussion on dating an escort (not the original intent of the post) and then into a discussion on men/women/relationships in general, I thought I’d give you a feeling of what it’s like to be a single escort based on my experiences and those of escorts I know. (Since I like men, this is from the traditional perspective of male/female romantic relationships.)
Scenario 1: Dating a client
You hit it off with a client. Really really hit it off. Sparks fly and you’re pretty sure it’s mutual. It takes a few more appointments to really be sure that yes, it’s real. The more you reveal of yourself, the better it gets. Everything about him is check marks across the board. So do you break the biggest taboo and get involved? He already knows what you do for a living so that conversation, at least, is not one you’ll need to have. He may have to overcome his own preconceived notions about you, like you never have a bad mood or might not really be all that fascinated by his job. The fantasy aspect of escort work is strong enough that sometimes being “real” is enough to be a deal-breaker.
Sub-clause A: The married client
Since the vast majority of your clients are married, chances are he is too. Don’t do this. Wait till he’s divorced, recovered and ready for a normal relationship. He may actually leave his wife for you. Not good. Unless you’re ready to be the free girlfriend of a married man (and this may actually suit you just fine if you’re commitment-shy), it’s really best if he keeps paying you. Become his mistress instead. Don’t count on his speedy divorce to move your relationship along because divorcing his current wife is way more expensive than you’ll ever be.
Sub-clause B: The single client
The rare single client is a find! But wait…why is he still single? Married to his job? If you’re commitment-shy, this may work out great for both of you. If you’re looking to settle down, maybe not so well. Is he single simply because he hasn’t found The One? Hmm…this could be promising…
Sub-clause C: The divorced client
If he’s been divorced for years, he may actually be ready for a real relationship and may have gained some wisdom in the process. If he’s freshly divorced, there will be some issues that rear their very ugly heads later on. Or maybe not so later. Better keep this one as a client.
After the initial evaluation of where you and he are in your respective lives, you decide to make the move. He may’ve danced around this topic already but chances are he’s a good client and good clients let the lady make her own decisions.
It worked! Now you’re happily dating. Hopefully he’s not the sort to crow about it on discussion boards and you both start living your relationship.
As always, getting involved impacts your work. Despite popular myth, relationships affect your work, not the other way around. You’d rather spend time with someone you like and who likes you, someone who really knows you instead of a persona, someone for whom you can show up in sweats and it’s not going to hurt their image of you, someone whom talking to is effortless and stimulating, someone with whom the sex is hothothot and deeply fulfilling — in short, not a client. So you slack off and do just enough to pay the bills. Love is always more important than money.
Sub-clause D: Don’t take offense, clients
The whole point of a relationship with one other special person is that the relationship is supposed to be special and far beyond the ordinary, everyday experience. When your everyday work is about connecting with others and sharing intimate moments, it not only raises your own standards/expectations of what you want out of a relationship, it means that when you find someone who hits or exceeds that mark — it really blows your mind. We’re talking a very, very rare person. Like Iberian Lynx rare.
Scenario 1 outcome A:
It just keeps getting better and better. It never stops. You’ve found a friend, a supporter, a fan and someone worth loving. Any woman thinks of settling down when she finds that perfect match. Given what you know about men and the issues of being an escort, the likelihood of you finding someone like this again is miniscule. What to do next? Some might retire. Others might keep as they are. Others may get married. Whatever you do, you’re doing it with him. And he’s with you every step of the way.
Scenario 1 outcome B:
The most likely thing to happen is that it blows up. One day you discover he has serious issues about your work. It may be disguised as “concerns” (e.g. safety, health, financial, etc) but it’s really that he has issues with your work. On rare occasions, escort relationships are really with two incompatible people, but given that escorts know people and usually know when things click, the most common reason things go downhill is that he has issues with your work. Sometimes these issues may surprise him as it digs up stuff he never even thought about. Not that it matters much — you’re the focus of the problems and there goes the relationship.
As an added bonus, that you met him as a client is just more relationship-ammunition for him. Another bonus is that you can now re-focus on your work, though frankly, work is the last place you want to be. An alternate ending to this is Scenario 2 sub-clause A outcome B.
You decide not to date clients.
Scenario 2: Dating a civilian
You try online dating because, well, it seems so easy! Turns out that although escorts are supposed to be honest in their advertising, men looking for free sex partners aren’t nearly so honest. You have to figure out whether they’re married first before you can starting doing the criminal background check. After finally finding one who seems to be a normal human being you may actually want to spend time with, he shows up and looks like nothing the photos from 10 years ago on his ad.
Scenario 2b: Sugar Daddies
You try one of those sites. Turns out it’s full of really cheap bad clients. If you’re going to earn money for dating, it’s easier to just stick with your work. Your escort rates are higher and your clients are better than these guys.
Real life turns out to be the answer, as it always is. You meet some eligible men and things happen. You start dating. How long will your flimsy cover story about your so-called day job hold up? Should you tell or not?
Sub-clause A: Tell
You bite the bullet and tell.
A) He thinks it’s cool. He’s intrigued. Whew. The sex gets better too! Things will progress until it ends. See Scenario 1 outcome A or B.
B) He can’t get past it. Everything blows up. Oh well, you didn’t have too much emotionally-invested in someone you couldn’t be honest with anyway. Wait, does he know where you live? Your real name? Your online identity? Is he going to go away or become a stalker?Sub-clause A outcome A:
He goes away, you pick again from the scenarios.Sub-clause A outcome B:
He doesn’t go away. You get a lawyer, a dog, move away, restart your life and your business. You may even get the police involved (worse — he gets the police involved.). You learn about skip-tracing, TOR, privacy, etc. At the very least, you now have a whole new field of knowledge and know who your real friends are! It’s also very likely you have some added baggage when you consider dating anyone ever again. You consider finding a therapist, but that’s a lot like dating. We know how that goes!
Sub-clause B: Don’t tell
You invent a better cover story or just get more mysterious. Things go great but there’s the suspense of all your lies hanging over your head. Because you can’t totally be yourself around him or introduce all your friends to him, the relationship is a bit shallow. But it’s a relationship!
Most of the time these relationships just fade away or stop working or whatever. There are a few escorts who are married and do this secretly. Most don’t. Most normal people don’t really need the added stress in their lives. (Do not read the Tracy Quan/Nancy Chan books as a realistic relationship template.)
When this ends — and it will — you pick from one of the scenarios again. Unless it ends like Scenario 2 sub-clause A outcome B because he found out.
Forget trying to start a relationship. Maybe it would just be easier to use the Internet for what’s it’s really for: SEX!
Scenario 3: Using civilians for sex
So you join some sites (swinger groups or sites like AdultFriendFinder). You naively think that a woman looking for no-strings-attached (NSA) sex would have a really easy time of it online. That is, if one were able to judge chemistry through the screen. And if men were honest about basic things like their height or sexual experience or fitness level.
The few men you do hook up with aren’t anything to tell your girlfriends about. Most of the time, you leave them thinking you should’ve been paid because you got nothing out of it. Your favorite clients are way more fun than this and treat you better too. (If you live in a tourist town, like Vegas, chances are strong that the men you like best live in states you never visit.)
Thinking out of the box, you try CraigsList Casual Encounters and discover that not only are the men posting there psycho, many of them want relationships. Isn’t that what the Misc Romance section is for?
You try sex clubs. Not as much sex goes on as one might hope for. And quality is out the window.
Your Internet dating attempts teach you that illiterate men are a huge turn-off.
Scenario 4: Other Options
[This section is intentionally left blank.]
speaking from experience
I’ve pursued relationships with three clients. That’s finally been enough for me to learn my lesson. (One might still read this blog, one only read a post which referred to him and the third does not read this blog at all.)
Update 8/2020: I’m on another client-relationship and this one is working well (been a couple years, I’m retired, starting civvie work). The one before him was great too, however he’s married and remaining married. When we meet in another life it will be different.
I did try client-relationships a couple other times and they bombed very quickly. I’ll say this for age: you learn how to detonate any possible explosions and quickly too. Clearing out leftover ordnance in a man is a task that should be done ASAP in order to determine what’s to be done next, if anything.
As to why? I’m a hermit. I just don’t meet men any other way these days. Quarantine put zero crimp in my style because I barely noticed a difference in my routine. Quite happy living in my home and avoiding the masses.
I’ve tried SeekingArrangement too. All I can say — made me appreciate the self-honesty of actual clients.
I’ve used the Internet (like CraigsList and swingers’ groups) to find NSA sex partners. With very rare exception this is an utter waste of time/energy. At this point I’m just saving my money so I can book an overnight with a male escort. And waiting to see a broader selection at the Shady Lady.
Yes, I have stories. They would fill another blog.
why is it so hard for escorts?
The reason for all this angst? Real relationships are difficult. Period.
Then you mix in his beliefs/issues about sex, women’s sexuality, his relationship to money, stereotypes about sex work/sex workers, his friends, his family and it gets much, much more difficult. (Extra difficulty-points if either/both of you have ex-spouses/children.)
Then add in your own issues, some of them from the very real prejudice and problems you experience as an escort. Some issues arise just because you’re a very experienced woman — far more than the average office co-worker he’s likely to run into. The people-experiences and self-knowledge you develop as an escort set you far apart from ordinary women. You may look and act ordinary on the surface but if you were indeed ordinary — you wouldn’t be an escort in the first place. Not being ordinary makes relationships tough because your needs and expectations aren’t anything he’s encountered before. Some men are very capable of learning and growing. Many are not. And there is no easy well to tell until you’ve taken the chance with him.
Every time you meet someone who sparks your interest, or think about putting yourself out there to meet someone (because you are a human and would very much like some sort of partner) — all this goes through your head over and over again.
Many girls I know don’t date while they’re working. It’s just easier that way.
Amanda,
I will be the first person to agree with Hobbyist that I probably need sensitivity training.
But, as you wrote; “if everyone would go after the ABUSER with as much vehemence….” – which is what I have been saying all along. Maybe I did not express it in as sensitive manner as I should have, but I believe the ABUSER is the only one responsible for the ABUSE. The abused is always the VICTIM and I have never said otherwise.
Again, quoting you; “My argument is that even if the abuse continues and the victim does not stop it, the abuser is still the responsible party.” My sentiments also. But, I did say and still believe that if anyone, whether the abused or a family member of the abused or even a third party who does not report the abuse, then that inaction does empowers or enables or emboldens the abuser WHO IS STILL RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS/HER OWN ACTIONS AND STILL MAKES THE ABUSED THE VICTIM.
IMHO, if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. And, I do not ever want to be part of the problem especially when it comes to abuse.
No offense intended, Larry, this is something that was thrown at me a few times (and they weren’t kidding)… 😉
I think we all seem to disagree, but it’s only in surface. We’re a bunch of strangers who never met and discuss hypothetical and theoretical situations with each other from behind keyboards, after all.
I don’t believe that anyone here advocates pointing a finger at any kind of actual victim to tell them to “suck it up” or that they “asked for it”. Regardless of how harsh some of the wording sounded, it was not directed at anyone in particular (I think).
Now if we’re talking about never, ever making any mention of the victim-abuser dynamics for fear of hurting someone in need of healing… I’ll have to disagree and will leave it at that out of respect for Amanda and her blog.
Hobbyist,
No offense taken, but I did take sensitivity training from my DI in Basic Training in the Army many years ago…..LOL
I agree with your response and do believe that these blogs are intended to create discussion and disagreement; which I believe Amanda does so very well.
Certainly my words, however harsh they sounded, were not directed at any individual (other than maybe me) and I would never claim to be any type professional conselor for anyone. I just don’t tolerate abuse by anyone toward anyone and was a little more vociferous than I should have been on this public forum. I just hope that Amanda will forgive me and not banish me from replying to other posts in the future.
Larry,
YOU are part of the problem when you insist on throwing responsibility for abuse back at the victim.
Hobbyist,
These are not hypothetical and theoretical situations. The vast majority of my female friends have been in abusive situations. Larry has. Male lovers of mine have. Victim-blaming is bullshit and has no place in any rational discussion of abuse, ESPECIALLY with the victim.
Amanda,
Your interpretation of what I am and have been trying to state about a very individual and horrible action is incorrect. But you are entitled to your opinion which while we may never agree, I respect. Victim blaming has never entered my vocabulary, but responsibility, enable, embolden, empower are and always will.
A victim is the ABUSED regardless of whether it is one time or repeated times, But, is the victim also allowing the abuse to continue by not doing what is necessary to stop it? I never have thrown responsibility for the abuse at the victim, but will always say that the victim should not permit the abuse to continue.
I will always know and forever believe that my abuser was RRESPONSIBLE for her verbal and emotional abuse, but my inaction the first time it happened emboldened her to continue for about 4 years and my inaction was my RESPONSIBILITY.
I am curious; in what scenario would you say that the victim should permit the abuse to continue?
I know, Amanda: we’ve all been exposed to it. I’m not saying it’s not real (or even personal for some of us here), just that we’re talking about the issue in general, not facing an actual victim and discussing his/her specific case to torture them.
To me, taboos and complexes are smokescreens put up by people (consciously or not) to remain in denial or conceal a truth. It’s a defense mechanism that works to an extent, but whether thinking on my own or involved a discussion, I like to get to the bottom of it and investigate all avenues, so I tend to try and lift those veils. “Let’s not go there” is a red flag waved in front of me.
Otherwise, I share Margaret Thatcher’s belief that “truth always is the same old story”, so I’m never overly concerned about saying anything new or original. And I’m convinced that stereotypes and cliches all have a core of truth so I’m not afraid to use them either.
What varies and matters is the intention and understanding of the speaker/writer, because we’re all using the same words in the end. Dismissive brushes such as “The views […] are common” or “I’ve heard these arguments before” (the “An Arrest Story” entry) don’t take anything away from the validity of somebody’s points.
But as enjoyable (or frustrating :)) as exchanges of viewpoints can be, I also think that a blog is a medium for personal expression, not drawn-out arguments with the host. So although we’ve only scratched the surface, I feel it’s more than time for me to lay this one to rest.
Weeks old from your response to my last post, but i have to disagree with you. Just because i might struggle with something, and may or may not be able to do it, doesn’t mean i don’t have an open mind about the subject. There are an awful lot of things i have no problem with if other people want to do, but just don’t to do myself.
And i can see why fwb or fb wouldn’t be easy for you to find…
After all, who wouldn’t want to have more with you!
XOXOXO
Ant — Fair enough. But…if you really do have to struggle to handle or accept the full concept, then your mind is truly not open to it. Theory and practice are two different things. Being open to various sexual questions means not having problems with the concepts. I’m not saying you’re a prude, just not as okay with things as you think. Nor do you have to be unless you’re dating a sex worker. You can support sex workers without having to be personally involved with anyone (there are only so many sex workers to go around, anyway!).
My mother accepts my life decisions but she is NOT, by any stretch, open-minded. Boyfriends who claimed to accept my life yet struggled and struggled with it, were not open-minded where it was important. Lovers who have no issue with the concept and generally don’t even think about it are perhaps open-minded, or perhaps just really do not care either way (I find younger men more capable of this).
I say this because I have my own areas where I can understand the theory and have no issues with friends who practice the theory; but in my own life I cannot put aside my own feelings or beliefs. I am definitely not open-minded about everything.
XX
PS: Been thinking about writing a post about coming out to my family, actually.
oh I don’t struggle with the concept, and I have no problems with the concept either. I just don’t know if emotionally I would be able to do it.
there was a compliment in there too, or at least it was meant as 1 !
Ant — 🙂
Emotionally-speaking is a heavy thing. All I can say (and I think I’ve said before) is that no escort I know confuses her partner and clients. It would be like a doctor confusing his family for that of his patients.
XX
Amanda,
In my opinion, a better analogy would be actors in movies where erotic love scenes are involved. The boundary lines of emotional involement are sometimes blurred even when both participants are professionals.
You, as the professional, want to create a fantasy for a client and if you are successful in creating that fantasy, then the boundary lines sometimes are bound to get blurred, at least from the client’s perspective. To repeat what Ant said; Who would not want to have more time with you?
In all the years you have been an escort, what would your estimate be of the number of clients that you have had to remind exactly what the boundaries are?
I didnt say more time, although that would be part of it.
I said “more”.
Wow, does this entry have legs or what?! 🙂
Larry, I brought up actors somewhere else – again we think alike. As you said, those are trained pros and they still get a bit confused at times and have on-set flings that often only last the time of a shoot (the time for the fantasy to dissolve). Not so easy to tell what’s real and what’s just a job, it seems! You get close, you simulate or summon feelings, and lines get blurred. If it happens to them…
But in the case of escorts, I think that a better analogy is: they are the artists and we are the fans. We’re not on equal footing. They create the fantasy, entertain and seduce us, and it’s a job to them. We’re expected to walk away satisfied, like after a good show or movie, fully aware that the singer wasn’t actually singing to us (even though her job is to make us BELIEVE she was) or the actress magically projecting feelings for us through the screen.
Since it’s a body-to-body show, some clients don’t have the maturity to tell the difference and that’s obviously an annoyance to the sex worker, like fans who won’t respect boundaries and think they can walk up to their favorite star and hug her or worse in public because they bought a few movie tickets.
Some porn stars provide escort services. Their most ardent fans are then able to enjoy their one-on-one time and company and that’s great… but not free or cheap! It’s a profession – the meter is always on, unless THEY want to turn it off.
Escorting is vastly a female domain and there too, “woman disposes”, which means that clients have to accept that if anything “else” is to happen… it will be up to HER, and her only.
Unlike in the medical profession, there’s no ethical code prohibiting emotional involvement to protect the weak. I think the line is drawn simply due to all the potential pitfalls of escort-client relationships, regardless of how human it is to feel, project, and confuse feeling good for being in love.
Like Amanda, I don’t think it’s that sad: there’s so many other situations where the objects of our desires aren’t appropriate or available. It’s part of life.
Besides, to steal from Garth Brooks… sometimes you gotta “thank God for unanswered prayers”… 😉
Larry — A doctor provides an intimate level of care for his patients during their time of need, which is why I chose that analogy. It’s quite different from acting, as most clients are not actors (only the provider is providing a fantasy).
Ant — 🙂 Got it!
XX
Hello Amanda, my name is Celeste.
Today I discovered a short portion of your rant about my blog title “Sex and the Single Escort” by googling my name. I actually couldn’t read the entire post…. all I really read was “I’m glad Salacious Celeste is a blog reader and obviously really liked this post since she titled her blog the same. My copyright notice is to the right, Celeste . I’m not really flattered. Googling the phrase brings up … It felt like she was lodged under my right ribs and stomping on my bladder..”
Wow I’m sorry I caused your bladder so much pain, but I didn’t actually read your blog. I was just playing around with some words on Googling trying to find my blog title, and kinda stumbled over the phrase. So i didn’t actually get to review your copy write notice. If you would have emailed me I would have had no problem with changing it after realizing my mistake. Any way just wanted to clear that up, because I was quite surprised to read what you wrote. Ill change it this weekend….. Hope your ribs feel better
Celeste — I don’t believe I brought any of my internal organs into the statement. Not only do I not appreciate being ripped off, I don’t appreciate being misquoted or having words put in my mouth. (The post where I mentioned you is here: https://texasgoldengirl.com/updates/)
Do understand that anything you find online is probably copyrighted. This is what happens when people create something. Online does NOT equal “free for the taking.” There is no excuse for this ignorance. Generally, people on the Internet are quite willing to share their ideas if asked permission. No one likes their work taken from them.
Amen re “relationships in general are hard” I’m back at University right now, and, since I’ve always been the bitching-about-sex-and-dating-go-to-girl, I’m starting to wonder whether escorts don’t just have problems dating because…everyone has problems dating. 50 percent of women in the US live alone, and every sociologist/pop-news source out there is discussing how much trouble 20-something women seeking a long-term relationships/marriage are having.
At any rate, I don’t think being an escort is necessarily a bad thing for dating in the real world; you aren’t going to have casual sex with someone you aren’t remotely attracted to because you are horny or need an Aren’t-I-Pretty pick me up; you aren’t going to confuse having mildly ok but mainly awkward causal encounters with love and become forlorned and heart-broken when the guy doesn’t return your calls; and you’re going to be a lot more selective with regards to who you date and whether you date at all. I think that being an escort might rule out legitimate guys who want a monogamous relationship. Vis a vis looking for a monogamous relationship as a former escort, I guess there might be 3 categories of guys:
-religious/conservative guys who don’t believe in casual sex
-guys who have casual sex, and a lot of casual sex, but think you’re a dirty whore for having sold sex.
-guys who have/have had a lot of casual sex and aren’t stupid.
Honestly, I don’t think I could ever totally click with type A. If I ever do, I’m assuming my values will have totally shifted and that conversion bells will be ringing and that I’ll conceptually reframe sex work, anyways, as something I did in my dark, non-found past…and religious guys looking for marriage, I’ve found, are really understanding and tolerant.
-Type two guys are hypocrites and not worth the time. Re type two, if a guy has had casual sex and has issues with me having financially benefited from having had good casual sex, then it’s just not worth it.
Meg — Relationships are hard. Period. Escort work just adds extra toughness to something that’s difficult enough already.
I agree about the positives of being an escort and trying to date: I am WAY pickier and I don’t waste my time with guys. I can smell a time-waster civvie just as easily as a time-waster non-client type.
Your typing of guys of very accurate! I tend to be looking for type 3 guys myself. They’re out there. Generally, European or military. 🙂
XX
Great post, in what I can only imagine to be a very difficult scenario. As you say relationships are always difficult, no matter what the circumstances are!
At the end of the day, I believe it comes down to a lot of factors if to proceed with such a relationship (but again I guess this is the same in any world)
Follow your heart is a philsophy I’ve always considered and I think in this case, this could be a useful thought
I agree about the difficulty of having a relationship and being an Escort. Most men aren’t prepared to hear their new fiance fucked 1200 Men last year. I have a friend who is an Escort in Dallas and her relationships last about three weeks. Most Psychiatrists would have a field day disagreeing with your assessment. You give far too much credit to the clients and too rosy of a picture on the mental health of paid Sex Providers. You might believe the client is a genuine, real person because he’s funny or likes your music, but the facts are Clients look at Escorts as a commodity to be bought and sold on the open market. No different than buying cattle futures. And most providers are there for one reason only, money. They don’t wake up in the morning saying I can’t wait to have six over weight old men laying on top of me shooting their cum on my face and in my hair. It’s strictly a business transaction 90% of the time. Providers should have an award for best acting in a live roll.
Roberto — Most psychiatrists believe in whore stigma and have a real problem being objective and non-judgemental. As do most men. That’s not the fault of sex workers or the job, that’s the fault of those people.
Your escort friend who doesn’t have long-lasting relationships probably tries hard, and I’m doubting the relationship ending is always her fault. It’s the fault of men who believe like you do. So who has more psychoses? The person doing a job, or the person who thinks so much shit about that job that it gets in the way of having a relationship with the worker?
I’ll believe your take on escort work if you’ll tell me how many years you’ve been an escort and how many male clients you’ve seen. Let me know.
Yes, the job is about making money. When have I ever said otherwise? Doesn’t mean that real human connections don’t form. The job is about two human beings meeting. But…don’t let my years of experience get in the way of your assumptions.
Thanks for telling me how I should think. I love it when men tell me this.
I have a question of the author. You stated ” Not being ordinary makes relationships tough because your needs and expectations aren’t anything he’s encountered before. ” I get how the experiences and inter-personal interactions escorts have had would shape their thoughts. What would you say the needs and expectations are of most escorts? How about for the woman that has always been in the ” Mix ” from day one? Not nessassarily working as an escort but has on occasions did what she had to do? I happen to really love a woman like this and any insights would be appreciated.
Thank you.
J
P.S. we’ve known each other for 20 years bit recently reunited. First loves kinda thing lots of firsts lots of sex but its not the sex anymore it’s the intamacy…..
J — Lots of good wishes for you both for the future!
It sounds like she’s dabbled, as opposed to escort work being a full or part -time job. That might make her experiences rather different than most. Not being well-established or having longtime regulars might change a lot of what she has experienced. I did say that “The people-experiences and self-knowledge you develop as an escort set you far apart from ordinary women.” So even if she’s dabbled in it for 20 years, she’s likely learned some things about men, herself, and other women that most people never learn.
Sex workers tend to have a low bullshit tolerance and a very accurate bullshit meter. She might seem intuitive to you; it’s likely she has learned how to read people very, very well. She might have a hardnosed, frugal, and honest relationship with money. She may think the worst of both men and women in a generalized sense; or she may actually be surprisingly compassionate towards others. She may have a strong fondness for animals, many sex workers enjoy an animal companion simply because they bring unconditional love into what can be an isolating and difficult job. (Though if she dabbled, she likely had a mainstream job and something of a human support network.)
She’s certainly going to know what type of behavior she expects from you and exactly what she won’t tolerate, in bed and in day-to-day life. She will likely expect that you man up and make her life better/easier. Men are supposed to support women financially, not the other way around.
You might say all of these things are normal for an older woman, and that’s true. For escorts, especially if they have been working for a long time, it’s going to be much more pronounced and extreme than a civvie. It makes things difficult only if you’re trying to pull bullshit. If you’re a straightforward man who loves her, just keep communication honest and open and constant — you should have no issues you can’t work through.
I’m sure she’s changed since you first knew her. That’s okay. It’s knowledge and experience and ultimately, she’s going be a better partner for it. She’s not a young girl trying to figure things out anymore.