I have an Aussie flatmate in Singapore. Sometimes we really get rolling on a topic. I usually degrade into discussing sex, he often just talks about work and people, though he’ll certainly join in a sex discussion. One of our discussions spawned an example to illustrate a theory American men seem to hold about women/sex. (Different countries/men have different theories.)
This blog has gotten some rather negative comments from men, including my recent sex and the single escort post (that was predictable — these types loathe escorts so they come all the way over to my blog just to tell me how they feel so I’ll respond and pay attention to them). Anyhow…
dirty women having dirty sex
The basis of American sex theory is that sex is dirty. Somehow the dirt comes from the man and sticks to the woman. I believe most people refer to the social outcome of this belief as the Double Standard. Naturally, being a sex worker of any sort means you are dirty dirty dirty. Part of this theory is the belief that no sex worker understands what a condom is and how it works, part of it is the belief that any sexual contact with a man at all is dirty.
Strangely, the people most invested in this theory are men. Women still believe sex workers are dirty but since these types often have sex with men themselves, they can’t go too far down the dirty road without obviously shooting themselves in the foot. One would think that a man who regards women with more sex partners than he has had as dirty would also be shooting himself in the foot, but somehow it doesn’t work that way. (I say — don’t bite the pussy who lets you in, but obviously that’s just my opinion.) There’s a lot more I could say on all this but it’s enough for the purposes of this post.
This thinking permeates men in all sorts of ways. My flatmate was astonished to learn how many American men want an escort first thing in the morning in order to be her first appointment of the day, or how many escorts claim seeing only one client/day (including ones who charge so little that in order to make a living they must be lying). After all, condoms are used. We shower in between clients. What difference does it make?
Indeed, what difference does it make? I haven’t run into this attitude with other species of men. I’m sure it exists since the woman/sex/dirty thing exists in all cultures — it just seems very pronounced in American culture. This Aussie man still can’t wrap his head around this one, probably because he’s participated in bar-bathroom gang-bangs spontaneously offered by very horny Aussie girls. If he has issues with women, they are obviously issues other than fear of a woman’s sexuality and ability to have sex. (The very few Aussies I’ve met seem to not be afraid of sexual women in the least. Very refreshing.)
the american tube sock theory
The best analogy I could come up with to explain this to him (after going over the dirty bit), was my tube sock theory. Many, many men are utterly clueless about a woman’s body — externally and especially internally. Many seem to view the pussy as a tube sock, not a muscle strong enough to push the proverbial watermelon through a garden hose. The tube sock theory is that a pussy is just this limp little tube stuck inside a woman. Fresh out of the dryer, it’s all nice and snug. After being worn for a bit, it’s less snug. And after being worn all day — well! That thing needs washing and a long dry on hot to get it back into shape again! (I’ve started letting him know I have a client by telling him I’m putting the tube sock in the dryer.)
what is a pussy?
A pussy is a muscle so it’s capable of relaxing, especially if the woman who owns the pussy is enjoying herself. If she’s really enjoying herself, her love muscle will tighten and relax repeatedly. This is a good thing for all parties. The relaxation does not mean the muscle is worn out. Not unless you’re as big as a baby — which I sincerely doubt. (Since real babies can strain the muscle, Kegels were invented. Because the pussy is a muscle, Kegels succeed.)
I’d also like for the clueless to understand that pussy is an endlessly-renewable resource. Male erections are not (speaking of limp tube socks! 😀 ).
the theory in action
Case study: The American tube sock theory is displayed in all its glory on a website written by an American expat living in Singapore who not only gives a rundown of the Singapore commercial sex scene, he also calculates how many men a girl will have sex with within a given time-frame (day/week/month — not sure why he didn’t go for a year, nor why he didn’t bother to give her some sort of batting average based on orgasms achieved or something). Because, of course, her numbers matter. He wants a dirt-cheap tube sock but he doesn’t want a used one.
Again, this obsession seems to be American. American men, don’t be offended. Just get over it. The theory isn’t even based in anatomical fact.
(Asian men are about to get blasted and American men complimented — though tube socks don’t really factor into this one at all.)
the meaning of it all
I wrote on “numbers” a while back. Though that post has nothing to do with this one, it’s still something I like thinking about. Since then, my number has gone up, though unfortunately not as fast as I would hope (I’m still under 1000, damnit!). I’m sure I’ll get a negative comment or two for this, but honestly, my goal in life has never been to attract a man who only cares about virginity/purity.
The real point of all this talk about pussy is that I’m more than my pussy. The dirty theory of sex reduces me and I’m not really interested in that.