I have an Aussie flatmate in Singapore. Sometimes we really get rolling on a topic. I usually degrade into discussing sex, he often just talks about work and people, though he’ll certainly join in a sex discussion. One of our discussions spawned an example to illustrate a theory American men seem to hold about women/sex. (Different countries/men have different theories.)
This blog has gotten some rather negative comments from men, including my recent sex and the single escort post (that was predictable — these types loathe escorts so they come all the way over to my blog just to tell me how they feel so I’ll respond and pay attention to them). Anyhow…
dirty women having dirty sex
The basis of American sex theory is that sex is dirty. Somehow the dirt comes from the man and sticks to the woman. I believe most people refer to the social outcome of this belief as the Double Standard. Naturally, being a sex worker of any sort means you are dirty dirty dirty. Part of this theory is the belief that no sex worker understands what a condom is and how it works, part of it is the belief that any sexual contact with a man at all is dirty.
Strangely, the people most invested in this theory are men. Women still believe sex workers are dirty but since these types often have sex with men themselves, they can’t go too far down the dirty road without obviously shooting themselves in the foot. One would think that a man who regards women with more sex partners than he has had as dirty would also be shooting himself in the foot, but somehow it doesn’t work that way. (I say — don’t bite the pussy who lets you in, but obviously that’s just my opinion.) There’s a lot more I could say on all this but it’s enough for the purposes of this post.
This thinking permeates men in all sorts of ways. My flatmate was astonished to learn how many American men want an escort first thing in the morning in order to be her first appointment of the day, or how many escorts claim seeing only one client/day (including ones who charge so little that in order to make a living they must be lying). After all, condoms are used. We shower in between clients. What difference does it make?
Indeed, what difference does it make? I haven’t run into this attitude with other species of men. I’m sure it exists since the woman/sex/dirty thing exists in all cultures — it just seems very pronounced in American culture. This Aussie man still can’t wrap his head around this one, probably because he’s participated in bar-bathroom gang-bangs spontaneously offered by very horny Aussie girls. If he has issues with women, they are obviously issues other than fear of a woman’s sexuality and ability to have sex. (The very few Aussies I’ve met seem to not be afraid of sexual women in the least. Very refreshing.)
the american tube sock theory
The best analogy I could come up with to explain this to him (after going over the dirty bit), was my tube sock theory. Many, many men are utterly clueless about a woman’s body — externally and especially internally. Many seem to view the pussy as a tube sock, not a muscle strong enough to push the proverbial watermelon through a garden hose. The tube sock theory is that a pussy is just this limp little tube stuck inside a woman. Fresh out of the dryer, it’s all nice and snug. After being worn for a bit, it’s less snug. And after being worn all day — well! That thing needs washing and a long dry on hot to get it back into shape again! (I’ve started letting him know I have a client by telling him I’m putting the tube sock in the dryer.)
what is a pussy?
A pussy is a muscle so it’s capable of relaxing, especially if the woman who owns the pussy is enjoying herself. If she’s really enjoying herself, her love muscle will tighten and relax repeatedly. This is a good thing for all parties. The relaxation does not mean the muscle is worn out. Not unless you’re as big as a baby — which I sincerely doubt. (Since real babies can strain the muscle, Kegels were invented. Because the pussy is a muscle, Kegels succeed.)
I’d also like for the clueless to understand that pussy is an endlessly-renewable resource. Male erections are not (speaking of limp tube socks! 😀 ).
the theory in action
Case study: The American tube sock theory is displayed in all its glory on a website written by an American expat living in Singapore who not only gives a rundown of the Singapore commercial sex scene, he also calculates how many men a girl will have sex with within a given time-frame (day/week/month — not sure why he didn’t go for a year, nor why he didn’t bother to give her some sort of batting average based on orgasms achieved or something). Because, of course, her numbers matter. He wants a dirt-cheap tube sock but he doesn’t want a used one.
Again, this obsession seems to be American. American men, don’t be offended. Just get over it. The theory isn’t even based in anatomical fact.
(Asian men are about to get blasted and American men complimented — though tube socks don’t really factor into this one at all.)
the meaning of it all
I wrote on “numbers” a while back. Though that post has nothing to do with this one, it’s still something I like thinking about. Since then, my number has gone up, though unfortunately not as fast as I would hope (I’m still under 1000, damnit!). I’m sure I’ll get a negative comment or two for this, but honestly, my goal in life has never been to attract a man who only cares about virginity/purity.
The real point of all this talk about pussy is that I’m more than my pussy. The dirty theory of sex reduces me and I’m not really interested in that.
45 thoughts on “the american tube sock theory”
I love the way you have articulated this obviously bizarre mind set of American men! – How god damned stupid
I was recently asked by a male friend how women’s pussies worked – that is what happens annd what it feels like when we get turned on and have sex – It was slightly similar to your tube sock theory , albeit the moral much different.
The more turned on we get the more open we become (I tried to explain it using a condom – guys blow up to fill them, we open up to let them in!!)
So glad I live in Australia where men don’t think that way – but then again it is hard to keep guys, who like your flatmate – who have had some amazing sexual experiences interested in us.
Loving finding your blog
To me an escort’s claim that she only (usually) sees one client a day has nothing whatever to do with dirt or her pussy – what it says is that when I knock on her door, she’s just spent an hour cleaning up her appartment, and another two hours bathing and beautifying herself to enchant me! She’ll be relaxed and ready to dazzle me with both mind and body!
Whoa! You really did get some negative comments on that post. Some times I really am embarrased by the American males attitude. Oh well.
Also what Richard said.
And, sorry it took so long to get back to you but here is the link to the post that mentions you a a hero
If you are interested about serious gaming pop over to my place and check out the video of Jame McGonigal at TED
I’m glad you enjoyed this. At some point fairly soon I’ll be on Oz so maybe we could meet for lunch!
Don’t think my flatmate regards his sexual adventures as amazing but certainly very good times. He’s a weirdo though — he goes more for personality than a woman’s sexual ability. Even he thinks he’s strange for that 😉
Okay, that’s totally fair and I agree — burnout isn’t pleasant for anyone. However, seeing 1 client in the morning and 1 in the evening (maybe 1 in the afternoon) is also a fairly leisurely schedule yet still allows for her to be refreshed for every client (assuming she’s an hourly girl).
I just always get the feelings girls feel they must claim low-volume status in order to seem “clean” (or as one girlfriend snorted “pretend they’re virgins”). These women are reacting to the men who believe the American tube sock theory.
This is just one hangup American men REALLY seem to suffer. I do wish they’d get over it. There are more important issues in the world than what women do with their pussies.
That being said, I WILL be discussing the mindset of the traditional Asian male and it is NOT pretty. At all. American men have the American sense of individualism going for them in a very good way.
Thanks for the link! I’m blushing.
After I finished giggling and nodding emphatically, I decided to post this:
Thank you for putting this theory into coherent words and such perfect imagery. But you know, most women don’t know how their pussy works either. It’s such a shame but unsurprising in a society that thinks women=sex=dirty. Very patriarchal and, as I learned this week, very medieval and Byzantine.
To be honest, I disagree that this is an American mindset. You see the same thing in Australian men, albeit perhaps with less prevalence. Clients who will only go down on you if they’re the first client of the day, clients who think you should get flu vaccines because you’re this little bastion of disease with a revolving door on your bedroom (not arguing the flu vaccine, just describing a comment I’ve had). Clients who don’t DATY on WL as a rule, but then push for BBBJ.
The exclusivity card is played for both the reason Richard states – a better, high quality service because the lady isn’t wearing herself out on hordes of blokes – and the argument that any service is safer because she’s performing it for fewer people.
Just my perspective on the Aussie scene. We’re not significantly more liberated than anywhere else, but perhaps it’s a slightly different spin.
Very true re: women being ignorant of their own bodies. That’s the biggest shame of American puritanism.
Medieval and Byzantine? I’m intrigued — explain!
I stand corrected about Aussie men, but stand firm on my assesment w/American men (I’ve certainly dealt w/more of them; reading discussion boards is VERY illuminating). I was looking forward to Australia as having a much more grounded and practical group of men.
In many cases the “exclusive” card is such a joke. And it’s really often put forth more along the “dirty” line of thinking rather than “I like to make this a special experience for both of us.” I sometimes see the latter, the former seems much more common. I hate that women feel they need to kowtow to the stupid, ill-informed concerns of men.
Overall, I think Australia is a bit more open about sex than America. My roomie told me you had a prime minister who — when asked if he visited prostitutes — proudly said he did and offered their phone numbers because he thought they were great. When America can get to that point, I’ll come back to this post 🙂
Amanda, another well-written and amusing article.
I am looking forward to your post on Asian men and their perception of women and women’s role (from a provider’s POV)!
Will be interesting to compare my cross-cultural perspective on that 🙂
“Medieval and Byzantine? Iâ€™m intrigued â€” explain!” Me too! (I have an interest in Byzantine studies; just checked Aspasia’s web site, and didn’t see any relevant entries there.)
Mind you, it’s well known among historians of Christian monasticism that Christian monks who have written about The Virtuous Life tend to blame women for, well, durned near everything. (All Christian monks take vows of celibacy of course, and we all tend to blame the source of temptation for our failures to resist the temptation. “Drat that evil McDonald’s!”)
Given that context, perhaps Aspasia was using “medieval” as a quick way to refer to Western European Christian monks, and was using “Byzantine” as a quick way to refer to Eastern European Christian monks?
Thanks! Not sure how it compares to any of your experiences with American men, but yes, will be interesting to see how my thoughts on Asian men/culture corresponds with your experiences.
While waiting for Aspasia to explain, I’ve noticed society tends to blame hookers for everything. We have helped the downfall of many aspects of society (if not the entire world), brought down men in high places and violence and crime tag along in our wake. You’d think that as powerful as we are, we’d be able to DO something with it but never seems to happen that way.
Okay, that had nothing to do with your comment except the religious men blaming women for everything. Islam does that too. I don’t understand this fear and loathing of a woman’s natural sexuality (which is far more powerful than a man’s). Real men just sit back in awe, then call for reinforcements.
How about describing categorical stereotypes of women in other countries.
Self analysis of one’s own sex may be more insightful. revealing, and intriguing for the more prurient browsers out there.
Amanda and Run Silent:
In the Medieval era, which includes Byzantine, the perception was that all women are inherently sinful, diseased and practically subhuman. While this view obviously persists it was more pronounced in the very early Christian era. That is where the modern-day views originate from though most people don’t know that. Of course as an art history major, I’ll use an example of art to illustrate the point. There is an altarpiece of, if I recall correctly, Emperor Constantine and his first wife Empress Minervina offering gifts to the enthroned Madonna and Child and there are other saints and Christian luminati in attendance. The Empress is specifically placed on the left of the Madonna and Child because in those days left=bad, sinful, diseased and feminine. She may be the empress but she is still a woman. Men always stood to the right. In later religious paintings of aristocratic or royal couples interacting with Madonna and the Christ, the couple stand together on the same side, with the women slightly behind the man (of course).
Also note, this is the origins of why brides and grooms stand as such at the altar as well.
Since I have very little interaction w/women — other countries or not — I really can’t. The few women I know are sex workers or former sex workers. As for the rest of the female population (anywhere I go), all I can go on is what my clients say. There are things I can repeat, and I will when I feel it adds to the discussion, but women are not the gender I’m most familiar with. This is why I talk about men a lot. Maybe it wasn’t as self-explanatory as I thought.
Ooooh thank you! I did not know that we have Constantine to blame for modern Christian teachings. Very much appreciate your research and it gives a new place to dig for ideas.
Yes, I did know about the left=bad (or less worthy), NEVER paid attention as to who was standing where though! I’m going to start looking.
How much Constantine had to do with it is debatable. There’s a mountain of evidence that he still practiced forms of paganism as so many early Christians did in that era. But nonetheless the view of women has some hold over from certain pagan, pre-Christian societies (but not all) but it was intensified in this early medieval and Byzantine era when Church fathers such as Tertullian and Origen were helping form Christian views for example.
I generally blame Chrisitanity for a lot of the global views of women. They spread the religion everywhere, mowing over native beliefs and practices. Most pagan religions didn’t do that. 🙂
And, of course, American society is most directly influenced by Chrisitanity, which probably influenced my views of the religion as commonly practiced.
Pussy’s are a real unknown quality.
Even though I have been stripping for a good few years now, and must have had thousands of men see it by now, I barely know what it looks like.
So when an artist boyfriend had some plaster, we took a rubber mould of it, then plaster casted it.
It feels great to hold and see my pussy in the palm of my hand.
I would totally recommend this to any woman, so get down to an art shop now!
What an excellent explanation. You hit that one on the head. There is such a double standard in America about sex. For instance, my number (still double digits) is nothing to brag about for men, but probably too high for a “nice girl” to admit to. Now, if and when I make it to 3 digits 🙂
I like that you can REALLY play with your own pussy now!
Women can be totally familiar with their pussies from the inside and how they function, but yes, it’s hard to be familiar with the actual appearance due to the angle. Mirrors help, but even that isn’t like seeing it face to face. Love your new toy.
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed this. I bet you see a lot of this displayed by your students. Now you can give them something new to think about!
Personally, I am blaming Aristotle for a large part of it all.
I took a class on the development of Western thought and philosophy that included translated works of most major thinkers. And I was completely appalled at Aristotle’s view of women: creatures without soul, mere receptacles that receive man’s seed and bear children, etc. Given the immense influence he had on the development of European society and how the Christian teachings have evolved over time (New Testament on its own strikes as a very tolerant and accepting doctrine), I think his views may have had a lot to do with it.
I see a Final Exam question in there!
Enjoy Hong Kong.
I think you made an important point by bringing up Aristotle, who had those terrible notions and who clearly did not get them from Christianity.
During the lifetime of Aspasia’s famous namesake, in Athens of the 400s BCE, most adult Athenian women lived in the gynaeceum or “women’s quarters”, secluded from the rest of the household and shut away from contact with the outside world. (The men did the household shopping, as well as the other outside-the-household errands.) The Athenians scoffed at the Spartans, who allowed the wives of Spartan soldiers to manage their business affairs while the soldiers were away on campaign.
Aspasia lived, not only more than 400 years before Christianity began, but also about 80 years before Aristotle (she was probably born about 90 years before he was, and she probably died about 80 years before he did). So Athens in her day was not influenced by him; it’s more likely that he was influenced by the anti-female notions that were already common in the (pagan) Greek culture before he was born.
Amanda and others,
It’s impossible to deny that many people today learned many of their anti-female notions from the notions in today’s culture that are embedded in much of today’s Christianity. (Many probably got in via ascetics, such as celibate male monks, starting in the late 200s.)
(David, *that* could be a final exam question (depending on the subject, of course): “how were these anti-female cultural notions absorbed from the pagan Mediterranean culture into early Christianity?”)
But the fact that many people today get these notions from today’s Christianity doesn’t mean that the notions started with Christianity.
Perhaps it does mean that Christianity could do well to shed those non-religious cultural notions that it absorbed so long ago.
Oh yeah, Aristotle. Forgot about him. Wasn’t he also the person who thought a womb roamed freely in a woman’s body? If so, he believed in the tube sock theory to an extreme degree. Thanks for reminding me!
Christianity has not worked very hard at dispelling the dirty-female ideas it either absorbed or came up with on its own. I most certainly blame it for that. It’s also worked hard at spreading its ideas all over the world, which has helped suppress women in most of the globe. I blame it for that as well. On the other hand, I think every mainstream religion teaches similar ideas. I’m most familiar w/Christianity and so I feel comfortable in criticizing it.
I’m not an expert on pagan religions. One friend of mine has studied them extensively and talks about the goddess-worship most of them were based on — they celebrated the sexuality and reproductive powers of women. I don’t know specifically about the pagan religions in and around Greece at that time. Wish I did. I’m sure some of them were scared of women and I’m sure a lot of them were not.
So it seems that ancient people could be divided into two lines of thought: those who were scared of the mystery of the woman, and those who embraced it (wanna bet who got laid more often?). Seems that fear does indeed lead to the Dark Side.
I have finally slowed down enough in my life to spend some time reading Amanda’s posts. Gotta tell you she is a hoot to live with and I really do love our rants once they get going.
I am not as smart as people posting here but there is one thing that really strikes me. Very few people actually work at understanding their partner and their body.
In my case; not being very smart, I quite distinctly remember lying in bed with my partner on lazy Sunday, grabbing her leg and dragging back behind her head and asking what the bits were. (Quick word of warning to all the gents out there please learn from my experience and make sure she has stretched. Fortunately for me My partner at the time was a ballet dancer so I got away with that one! Phewww)
So after a long dissertation of not saying much what I really am trying to say is be involved in the body, mind spirt and soul of the person you are with. I promise it will make life all the better. The rest is just bullshit and not who the real person is.
Oh and I guess if I was to get one parting comment to anyone that has issues with a woman being “Dirty” then I am very sorry for you that you have never in your life managed to spend a weekend with a partner doing nothing but having sex and enjoying the person you are with. I am no “Stud by any means however a few amazing weekends involving multiple sessions of sex have been had and I always returned smiling.
Oh yeah and Amanda is definitely spot on when she says I am nuts. I am! Just crazy about Women.
Love you all.
Thanks for showing up here! Hopefully you’ll stick around for some of my other writing.
“A hoot to live with”…that’s gotta be the first time those words ever left the mouth of a guy in my vicinity. You ARE weird. 🙂
I think it was Mark Twain who said the candle will melt down, but the candlestick can always take a new candle…
Oh that’s very true! Indeed!
… and so many people define “sex” as the guy having an orgasm… I define “sex” by when I have an orgasm, otherwise it’s just intercourse.
lol- “tube sock theory” is SO dead on and concise for that common attitude men and women often have… awesome post.
Not sure how I define sex, but I guess I go with the general penetrative definition (though techinically there have been men who did indeed penetrate me, but I wouldn’t consider it “sex”). Orgasms to me, have no bearing on it since orgasms often don’t happen for either party. In my personal life, I’ve often enjoyed sex without wanting/needing/achieving orgasm.
Glad you enjoyed the post! The Tube Sock Theory probably is probably more believed by people who count sex as a penetrative act than an orgasmic act 😉
great post as usual!
Haha! It’s so funny to read this because just a few weeks ago I told my bf about vag workouts and he was totally mystified. He didn’t realize it was a muscle! LOL. Well.. at least he’s not the only one..
Love your site! Honestly, in my experience most women DON’T know how their bodies work. I’m just learning now and I’m 25. Sad.
It’s true that a lot of women DON’T know how their bodies work because it seems that giving women knowledge over their own bodies is a dangerous thing (then they’ll want to take control of their sexuality and reproduction!).
Women taking control over their own bodies, minds, and emotions are, IMHO, the one reason that some religions and even some denominations within religions want to keep women supressed. Public statements to the contrary, it is evident that is the thinking of many institutions around the world and really scary that kind of control is able to exist in the 21st Century.
Yes, that’s pretty much what I was implying.
The only reason that sort of social control exists at this moment is because it never stopped existing and people don’t care enough to fight back. For instance, everyone who believes in the double-standard is just succombing to that control. I could name a LOT of examples. It will only change when the majority of people change.
If anyone has any double-standards in their life, they are nothing more than sanctimonious, two-faced, hypocrites. And, people who do have absolutely no creditability whatsoever. But, when the main stream media has double-standards, what can you expect? Just this week it was widely reported that Elizabeth Edwards did not want her children being raised by Reille Hunter, “the woman who destroyed her marriage”. WTF – Elizabeth Edwards’s marriage was destroyed because JOHN EDWARDS COULD NOT keep his pants zipped outside his home. Amanda, if I was married and seeing you on a regular basis, could I logically claim that you destroyed my marriage? Absolutely not, but John Edwards is given a pass because he is who he is. I initially saw the article online on both The Huffington Post and People.com neither which are anywhere close to being part of the “vast right wing conspiracy”. So, I am sorry to say that double-standards are a part of our daily life and I wish I could offer a realistic solution.
I think the sex-scandal media frenzy in America has helped ruin marriages that might have survived if the couples could have had some private time. And the media does indeed help perpetuate the double standard (along with a lot of other misinformation).
But…everyone on their own can decide whether to believe all that crap or figure out their own correct answers. I’m hoping more and more people turn away from believing everything they’re spoon-fed and looking for a little more honesty and reality for their lives.
I think that a lot of what we’re talking about has to do with the male sexual organs being “outies”, and the female ones “innies”. What is hidden is more easily misunderstood and feared.
As a man, I’ve otherwise had the dubious privilege of teaching quite a few women details about their own anatomy. There’s a lot of ignorance on both sides of the fence.
And who doesn’t remember the “shrinkage” episode of Seinfeld, with Elaine finally exclaiming, “I don’t now how you guys can walk around with those things!”
And never mind dirt, I’m surprised that no one has mentioned the homophobic factor. I suspect that one reason clients may prefer “fresh” providers is that they don’t want to be anywhere near another man’s body, even in thought. Of course, rationality has little to do with any of that, just like with germophobia.
Oh…I mentioned that one! https://texasgoldengirl.com/spanking-the-pussy/
Yes, there are plenty of women who don’t understand their own bits. But is it because of the “innie” thing or the idea of controlling a woman’s sexual autonomy?? I lean toward the latter.
Didn’t think about homophobia. It’s not something any man has ever mentioned to me. Maybe you know better in this case, it’s just never the vibe I get. (Of course, there are men who go completely the opposite direction, but that’s another topic.)
A overweight buddies mom announced at the dinner table recently that for ever 35lb in weight a man looses he gains an inch in penis size. Apparently she heard it on Ophra – Paging Dr. Oz
My buddy checked around and no guy he or I know had ever heard of this before. I think if they had more of them would be at the gym with me.
So if it’s any consolation guys might just know as little about the true nature of their own parts as they do about women.
P.S. Reposted to fix a bad link.
Tom — I’ll edit the other comment.
I do know that very overweight men have very girthy penises (“fat dick”) because they get body fat under the skin there just like everywhere else on the body. Older men sometimes also start depositing fat under the skin of their genitals — part of the aging process. Losing weight would make the penis slimmer and appear longer. Having a flatter belly, hips, thighs and losing pubic fat would also make the penis appear longer. God bless optical illusions.
Men, in general, are rather clueless about biology all the way around. I’m not sure why the willful ignorance. At the very least, one should know everything one can about their own body, seeing as how they live in it and everything.
I don’t know if I’d call it an optical illusion. 🙂 I’ve been exercising heavily for almost two years now. During that time I’ve slowly gained/exposed in both dimensions. From what I can tell it’s a combination of better women, loss of weight and a stronger heart.
I think our willfull ignorance might be because we can get away with it. Men’s bodies are simpler. In general though, all of us have many bad notions about how the body works. As part of my workouts I’ve researched a lot about how the body works and I’ve been surprised at what I didn’t know, especially about nutrition.
Back to the original post though. I have often been the first or last appointment for escorts I’ve seen.
I find some benefits to being first. Being the first client of the day often means some flexibility in the start time, the room hasn’t been smoked in and there are plenty of towels. It also give you the opportunity to be a nice guy and bring her a coffee. Also for me an early morning post workout get together is a treat.
Downside though is that she often wants to get paid upfront for the cost of the room.
Last can be fun too though, she’s often not rushed at the end so the conversation can linger with out an issue.
Downsides of last/only’s though is that they often have something going on afterwards and rush it.
Note none of these things are caused by any part of the escort’s and client’s body below their necks. It’s all about the decisions that both of you make before and after you get there.
Tom — Every person’s body reacts differently to exercise, but in general, losing fat without gaining a ton of muscle will create that special optical illusion.
Men’s bodies are simpler reproductively, but both men and women have very similar health concerns since our bodies basically function the same. The details certainly differ (i.e. nutritional needs) and it’s in everyone’s best interest to get informed. Men miss that point and I’m not sure why.
Great points about being first/last. It’s more about the energy of the moment rather than physical issues. Though if you’re seeing girls who let clients smoke in their rooms or who can’t figure out how to raid the maid’s cart — you might need to expand your horizons. 🙂
Though I will point out that ANYTIME of the day the girl might have something else going on and can’t linger: picking up kids from school, doctor’s appointment, classes, etc.
Catching me right before dinner means I’m going to be hungry and a number of times I’ve taken up a client’s offer to go to dinner and be social. (Of course, that depends on how much I like his company.)
Comments are now closed.