Posted on by Amanda Brooks

escorts of the caribbean — at wit’s end

I’ve always been entertained by this little bit. (Forgive the poor sound quality, obviously copied in the movie theater or something. Couldn’t find it elsewhere online but can’t say I looked that hard.)

If Captain Sparrow were an escort speaking to two arguing hobbyists:
“Gentlemen, will you please shut it! Yes, I lied to you. No, I don’t love you. Of course it makes you look old! No, I’ve never been to Brussels. It’s pronounced er-os. By the way, no, I’ve never met Karl but I love his clothes. And all of this pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that my envelope is once again empty! Savvy?”

Posted on by Amanda Brooks

a guide to legitimate rape

No one has yet decided to try and understand the mystery of legitimate rape from the rapist’s point of view. This is my handy guide to make life easy for all men who would like to enjoy unprotected, consequence-free sex with a non-consenting female, especially if the men in question have issues both with becoming a father and their victims obtaining an abortion. The courts have already decided that if it’s not a legitimate rape then it’s consensual sex, and scientifically that means she’ll become pregnant. The best way to tell if it was a legitimate rape is if she doesn’t get pregnant, but why not stack the odds in your favor from the very beginning?

Read more

Posted on by Amanda Brooks

send a friend to north korea

Blake Stilwell is a pen-pal friend of mine. He introduced me to Slaughterhouse Five. He’s a very sweet, very interesting and bright young man who has been honored with the opportunity of a trip to North Korea. He’s gotten a Kickstarter page going, so check it out for details on his trip and why it’s important. (He does not have actual children, he is in charge of a frat-house.) As a side note, he’s also a longtime microfinance contributor, participating through Kiva.

He needs to raise the funds to go to North Korea, being that he’s a grad student and all. There’s a slim possibility he can still go even if the funds aren’t raised, but he will be swimming and his arms will be really tired by the time he gets there. Yes, I’ve pledged funds to him privately. I’d like to send Blake behind the bamboo curtain. He deserves daily servings of kimchi.

He has until June 30 to get his fundraising done.

Note: edited to protect Blake from raised eyebrows (not his).

UPDATE: Blake raised the funds he needs to go — thanks in large part to the readers here. He’s leaving in August. I’m very excited for him! It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience for any American.

Posted on by Amanda Brooks

love em or leave em

I’ve watched several addicting episodes of Love It or List It. The show features a couple who are unhappy with their home. They discuss wishes, desires, the need for improvement, etc. The male star of the show is a real estate agent and tries to find a new house that the couple will love, while the female star is a decorator who remodels their current home so they fall in love with it all over again. At the end of the show the couple chooses whether to stay in their house or list it and move to the new one they chose.

I’d love to see this concept done with marriage: improve the spouses while they go dating for a better one. At the end of the show, see if they’re going to stay together or not. How can you possibly ask for more reality-TV drama?

Posted on by Amanda Brooks

where pen-pals should go

Someone (possibly a retired escort?) has finally figured it out. You can have the best pen-pal of all, for a fee, of course. Just like the guys who constantly write escorts without ever setting up an appointment, you will never meet your fake Internet girlfriend. Plans start at $250/month and go up depending on amount of contact required (sounds familiar). Seems to be the real deal, though I do wonder just how many different people are actually in the talent pool and if they are all actually females (it’s pretty easy to fool guys online).

Personally, I’m waiting for FakeHooker.com to debut. Oh wait, nevermind.