Specifically — other escorts. Not me. No, of course not me.
I wrote this several months ago, came across it again and decided to post it here. It’s me being curmudgeonly. I have less and less patience with certain aspects of my own industry. Familiarity breeding scorn? Possibly. Do I think perhaps the industry could move forward? Yes.
Ahem: I’m obviously writing this from the perspective of a female escort/male client relationship simply because it’s most typical and I’m most familiar with it.
I’m standing in front of the classroom, pointer in hand, frowning. Remedial detention is now in session. (Men can imagine me in my secretary/librarian look. Girls…probably aren’t interested in imagining me.)
stating the patently obvious
I peruse new sites on a regular basis. I laugh at those who insist they aren’t high volume. In this economy, nearly everyone in the US is low-volume and exclusive! (If you consider “exclusive” synonymous with “low-volume.”)
Yeah, I know, it’s what they think passes for marketing. The obvious disconnect from reality is what tickles me. That someone who charges $2000 minimum or so for their time somehow feels the need to assure everyone they really don’t have clients lined up around the clock.
No shit.
hierarchy
What doesn’t make me laugh are the girls who think that by being “exclusive” they are somehow “better†(i.e. more special) than those who don’t do things exactly as they do. I’m getting quite sick of the rampant pretension with online escorts. There’s a serious need for some serious bitch-slapping out there. (One can easily separate one’s self from the herd without dissing the rest of the herd.)
Just be yourself. Your clients will figure it out all on their own. Really, they will. Especially if you appeal to men with intelligence. I find they truly are capable of independent thought and drawing their own conclusions. They exist all over the world too. It’s amazing!
I bought into the hierarchy thing when I was a newbie escort. I’ve since learned better. There are very different ways of approaching this business, but it does not make one sex worker somehow better, more valuable or worthier than another.
Your real competition isn’t the girl that you think is riding your coattails or the “cheaper”, “sluttier” girls in your city — it’s you.
the low-threshold of excitement
I laugh at the high-end girls who claim they do this for the “adventure†of it. I’m sure I’ve said this before, but if they really wanted adventure, they’d be doing it in a back alley for $5/pop (or advertise on BackPage and don’t screen). Not saying well-screened, wealthy men can’t be fascinating, powerful and sexual in their own right but an evening with them would not be what I consider “adventurous.†Not at this point in my life. (For the record, I’m not opposed to the money or the men. Just to calling it an “adventure.â€)
This could just be my perspective. While dinner at a 4-star restaurant and sex in a 4-star hotel is a great way to make a living, creates lovely memories and can introduce you to some very wonderful men you wouldn’t normally meet — it’s not an “adventure.” Not unless you lead a very, very sheltered life.
Maybe I just have a higher threshold for my kicks. Who knows?
car dates, hotel dates, dinner dates, alley date, any date
I still think using the term “date†in regards to meeting a client sounds street. I don’t care if your minimum is $5000 for dinner. Calling it a date and charging money for it sounds street.
Maybe I’m just stuck with the image of a scantily-dressed woman in high heels leaning over a car window to inquire about “dates.” Guess I’m susceptible to media stereotypes after all.
the new-escort debut formula
Which is: get expensive hotel-room/expensive-lingerie photos done by one particular photographer and a website done by a particular web designer. Write text that sounds like every other escort you’re emulating. After a while, it gets difficult to find the real person behind the interchangeable everything. (Not saying these service-people aren’t good at their jobs. This is about the choices escorts make.)
For starters: would someone please get escorts the hell away from black, cookie-cutter sites? When will girls realize white is a perfectly acceptable, non-oppressive, elegant color? Few escorts seem that brave. Or how about using bright, non-garish, non-clashing colors on sites? At this point, even pastels seem daring. Any color at all! Please! Human beings really do like color, you know (men are humans too).
Don’t be afraid to try different layouts/site designs. I’m sure a talented designer can come up with new solutions. Heck, popping out the same site over and over again probably gets very boring for them. Be unique and throw out a challenge. Sites that are unique (without being confusing) grab my jaded attention immediately. But then, I’m not a client — just someone who sees a lot of escort sites. (If your clients see a lot of escort sites too, you may want to think about yours.)
And girls so need to learn to choose photographers who know lighting, rather than those who know how to Photoshop (or worse — those who simply have Photoshop). I understand zapping zits but giving yourself a new body shape and new (very-fake) skin? Your clients are going to see you in real light anyway. Take care of yourself instead of relying on Photoshop. Learn posing, learn how to wear flattering clothes and lingerie. And realize your clients are generally pretty happy to just see you naked. Men are much more concerned if you like them than if you have a tummy (like most women do) or if your legs aren’t swizzle sticks. (If you have cankles, you’re out of luck, sorry to say.)
Spend your money on a good photographer instead. A handful of excellent, real photos will make such a difference in your business. Photographers who have bothered to learn their craft are capable of producing great shots that don’t require weeks of “editing.” Just download after the shoot and go!
If you’re truly worried about your real-life appearance, offer a discount for legally-blind clients. Otherwise, understand every woman has a laundry list of things she would change about herself. Do what you can, choose a good photographer with real skills and go with God.
what so many fail to market
Their personality. Because this business comes down to real-life human connections, it’s the most important tool escorts have and the one they consistently under-utilize. Read a lot of sites and every escort likes the same things, does the same things and has the same life-history (okay, not every single one but tons of them are oddly similar).
Are very similar women drawn to this business? Possibly. Another possibility is that relatively few are confident enough to really stand out. I feel very certain that there are actual, real, individual women behind each site — I just can’t tell because they all present themselves the same way.
A non-airbrushed personality is the best marketing tool ever. It goes with everything, never gains weight but does require keeping in shape. Sometimes it scares clients away — but most of the time, it intrigues. And why not? They’re looking for someone who intrigues them, someone who may match them in the way they want, someone who would really like them. That’s the point.
Even guys who are searching for quickies or just want to see how it feels to have sex with an American girl still want to know who she is. (No, I don’t know how it feels to have sex with an American girl 😉 .)
If you have a great personality but start off by hiding it underneath all the other typical crap, you’re probably missing out on some great clients.
Detention is now dismissed. Go make money.
PS: I expand on these ideas in a much more polite and helpful way in Book 2: Advertising and Marketing , in case you’re curious. This post was not written to sell the book, but yes, this is all stuff I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about. One day I’d like to focus on other aspects of life. Really truly.
PPS: The decision to post this formerly-private musing was probably inspired by Casey’s Coats for Cunts. Possibly.
Amanda, a lovely, frank and useful post as always!
My favorite part of your post:
“Your real competition isn’t the girl that you think is riding your coattails or the “cheaperâ€, “sluttier†girls in your city — it’s you. “
Anne,
Thank you. Hope you could see the humour in it.
And it’s very true that you’re your own competition. It’s especially evident every time I meet with a client. After all, it’s not my website or some other girl’s photos in the room — just me and him.
Or at least, that’s my overriding philosophy right now. Might change tomorrow! 🙂
XX
Dear Amanda,
I hope you are well. Great (re) post!
I hope I haven’t been called to detention! I wrote, designed, and built my site myself and am quite proud of it. I even did my own hue adjustments and slight retouching to my six (mostly clothed) photos.
I’m replying to this as a new client told me why he selected me over the hundreds of choices available at Popular Escort Mall.
“Your site could not have been written by anyone else but you, and I liked the font.”
He won my heart completely. Courier is so overlooked.
He continued: “Everyone else’s story seems like it was written by someone else.”
Then he suggested we go to another room.
Anyway, I hope you are rested from your travels. I wrote you at your GG Press address but I imagine you’ve been quite busy!
Kind regards,
Bao
Bao,
Thanks for writing!
You’re an example of what I’ve been trying to say here. I’ve seen some homemade sites that are great (and some that aren’t so great). I’ll still be more captivated by that than a site that looks just like everyone else’s.
The GGP address should work. Unless I have gotten your message and just haven’t answered. In which case I apologize. I am not ignoring, just grossly behind.
XX
Bao,
Now I’ve read your site. I LOVE it!!! You have a tremendous sense of humour and it was a joy to read.
Everyone, go take a look at Bao’s site. It’s 5 minute homework.
XX
I told you that you had a future in education!
David,
Ha! Only when I feel moved about something.
Believe it or not, I’m actually looking into teaching English here in Singapore part-time as the answer to a few important questions. I may actually end up using my degree after all. And I’ve tried so hard NOT to! 🙂
XX
So far, none of my degrees (B.A., Liberal Arts; Ph.D., Ecclesiastical History) has had any vocational significance whatsoever.
*shrug* Working on the Phid, and living in Britain, were great fun, at least; and the B.A. protected me from the risk of humping a rifle in rice paddies. (As I’ve noted previously hereabouts, but for the sake of newcomers, it gave me other options in military service.)
RSRD,
I’ve discovered that most people never use their degrees in any way, least of all to make money.
XX
This was great. I’m glad you brought up the thing about pastels, I was a little hesitant when I designed my site, but reading this now, I realize its probably better to stand out than blend in. Sometimes I worry about putting myself out there too much, but I reap the awards when I have clients that I can actually talk to about things that we’re mutually interested in.
“Girls…probably aren’t interested in imagining me”
some girls…
🙂
Well said, sistah, a brilliant rant – because sometimes there’s just no better way to get the point across (and thanks for the link!).
Sequoia,
It’s a bad day when pastels are considered “standing out” 😉 but the whole reason is — if YOU like it and YOUR clients like it, then chances are everyone will get along great. Why have bad experiences if you can avoid them?
Glad you like this and um…imagine away!
Casey,
Thank you! I know this isn’t your realm but I’m glad you enjoyed it anyway. Gotta say that Coats for Cunts has been kicking around in my head for a while. I would love to start an organization based on that name. It would be something along the lines of a tough-love/education effort for those who need it. (In this case, it’s just escorts afraid to be different, in your case — severe entitlement.)
XX
Traveling English teacher!! I knew it:)
When will girls realize white is a perfectly acceptable, non-oppressive, elegant color? Few escorts seem that brave.
I laughed so much when I read this! Being brave and daring was the last thing I had in mind when I designed my website though.
Good luck with the organization, sounds like a great idea. Plus the name really just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? 🙂
Elsa,
But you are! Take a look around. 🙂
Casey,
🙂 The name is just perfect, isn’t it?
XX
Amanda,
Love the post! Informative, frank, and best of all, humorous. In fact, I hope you were being funny when you wrote “(Men can imagine me in my secretary/librarian look. Girls…probably aren’t interested in imagining me.)” in random escort musings. Surely, you jest… I for one have trouble NOT imagining you. I think the term is downplay.
As always,
Be good to you
disapprhere,
I was indeed being funny. The only times I wasn’t trying to be funny was when I was dissing the idea of escort hierarchy and encouraging girls to showcase their personality more.
Glad you enjoyed the post!
XX
Amanda, I’m a new reader but a fan already. Your frank advice is well taken and should be mandatory reading for anyone contemplating entering the business. This economy has to make all of us take a harder look at the perception and marketing of our business. HIgh-end is all relative as you so astutely pointed out.
Stephanie,
Thank you! Everyone makes their own choices, of course, These choices should always be made with their own well-being in mind. Safe, sane, successful. Money always follows when you’re being true to yourself and kind to others.
XX
“would someone please get escorts the hell away from black, cookie-cutter sites? When will girls realize white is a perfectly acceptable, non-oppressive, elegant color?”
Couldn’t agree more!
Nice posts!
Nicole,
Thanks! 🙂
XX
Love those chewy, edgy words! As a photographer, I’ve become well acquainted with this industry and your words are right on. If anyone could make their mark in escort transformation, there’s an outstanding chance it could be you.
From a personal standpoint, love your writing style as usual. It’s bold, fresh and unafraid to say what other women will not.
Keep it up, girl!
Hugs…
I myself spend an exorbitant amount of time reviewing escort sites worldwide. Adequate marketing is something that I seldom come across.
Yours are words of gold.
L. Woolley
Meeshee,
Thank you! Much appreciated.
I sometimes wonder if I’m making friends and influencing people or doing just the opposite. Ah well.
L. Wooley,
Curious to know more about what you consider adequate marketing. I wrote the book on it and yet I often fall short myself due to time constraints and other pressing interests. Maybe we should talk more about this. A collaboration?
XX
Illuminating stuff, as usual. A lot of escorts should read the “hierarchy” part, in particular.
Hobbyist,
I will shout about the hierarchy until I lose my voice. It is one thing I wish I could remove from sex work. Period.
XX
Amanda, thanks for illuminating so many of the reasons why escorts are stereotyped and the behavior they embark on which feeds into that stereotype. Focusing on improving their actual appearance instead of PhotoShop tricks is a prime example of that. Photoshop won’t be there to help you impress a client in person.
There’s a thing about men, though: we have a one-track mind and when we commit to something we tend to stick to it till it’s done. Women are known to adapt to changes easier than us, and police instructors will confirm that they’re better at making decisions on the fly when rushing code 3 through an intersection, for example. We guys tend to stick to our guns (pun intended) and get it done, screw the consequences (male cops wreck more cars – females just put scratches on them, insurance companies know this well too). That’s one of the many Bush things that made so many people mad and had me go, “hell yeah!”. 🙂
Same reason why we get tunnel vision (in all the ways you can come up with) – we’re predators. Goes down with testosterone levels, to an extent.
So, and I’m sure that most salespeople and escorts know this, the hardest part is to reel us in. Once we get there, even if things aren’t exactly, ahem, as advertised… we’re still getting laid – we’re not driving back with our tails between our legs.
That’s for most guys, anyway, and that’s how escorts use old, retouched, or even stock photos and know they’ll (mostly) get away with it.
I’m also puzzled by how escorts or agencies sometimes represent their business, but in reality it says more about the clientele than about themselves, I think.
Vanessa,
Thank you.
Unless an escort hands her clients special Photoshop-glasses when he walks in the door, you’re absolutely right!
Hobbyist,
While men will just “suck it up” when the lady doesn’t really match her photos, I’m not sure he’ll leave a good review, bother returning to her or leave a nice tip either.
I feel that the way an escort (or agency) runs their business speaks volumes about them and their attitude toward their clientele. If the clientele return again and again, then it speaks volumes about the clientele.
XX
Not blaming the “victim” (clientele) for perpetuating the cycle of abuse (dishonesty), are you? Just funnin’ ya: you know I’m the “fool me once…” type. 🙂
Hobbyist,
No, I’m not. The responsibility for sound business ethics rests on the business provider.
A guy repeating his mistakes and hoping for a different outcome is just not paying attention.
I gave a provider a second chance once and was very pleasantly surprised! Some of her shorcomings were of a physical nature, but I overlook that easily. But her attitude was night and day, and since I accept some responsibility for the quality of any session, I don’t hesitate to repeat as necessary to make things better.
After a while, you do have to move on if things keep disappointing.
All this to say that I don’t hold it against some for being less than truthful about their looks or other “details”. Many providers I’ve seen use stock photos for personal safety, for example.
Hobbyist,
Using stock photos has NOTHING to do with “personal safety” regardless of what they tell you. Trust me, it doesn’t come up in the lady’s conversation with other ladies.
Oh? I’m intrigued.
Seems like so much of the online marketing nowadays hinges on getting positive reviews. So, going overboard with PhotoShop enhancements will not lead to those positive reviews. Once those negative reviews are posted, its difficult to remove them.
Ayana — Not everyone depends on reviews. But if you do — Photoshopping your photos beyond recognition would indeed be the kiss of death for your business.
XX