A very nice and seemingly sincere gentleman offered me nine pygmy goats as a trade. I consider it a career-milestone to be offered actual livestock.

It got me thinking…what sort of animal would I be willing to trade for? A really nice saddle horse? A few quality milking goats? Pygmy marmosets? Of course there is the expense of keeping the animals, along with the expense of a place to keep them because I live in a large city. (The marmosets are delicate and don’t make good pets.) A “trade” that keeps digging a hole into my bank account isn’t worth it.

What would I trade for? Right now, I trade my time for cash. It’s always worked out for me. With cash, I can get anything I want if I have enough of it, and do stuff with it, like pay rent or set aside in savings. Dallas is not a barter-town so I doubt I’d get very far trying to trade pygmy goats at Neiman Marcus for a new handbag.

15 thoughts on “animal trades

  1. Mr. Maxwell — Thank you for the offer. I’m well-aware of ANE Magazine. It can be reprinted only if I’m paid for it. Otherwise, there’s nothing in it for me.

  2. Well, you’ll never know whether or not you can trade pygmy goats for a Michael Kors bag at Neiman Marcus if you don’t ask, Amanda. As maman always tells me when I hesitate to ask for something, all they can say is no…and then laugh hysterically.

  3. Aspasia — I could ask, yes, then I’d know for sure. My best GUESS is I’ll get the laughing hysterically response. If I bring the goats with me, I’ll probably be removed from the store (and my goats).

  4. Alternatively, they could keep the goats and put employee name tags on them. I’m fairly certain that when I was working retail that I could have been switched out for a pygmy goat with no one the wiser. Especially at Macy’s. 😛

  5. Aspasia — In some stores I would most certainly agree.

    No wait, I don’t. Goats would pay far more attention to me, especially if I was carrying food. Goats also can’t use personal phones while at work (no opposable thumbs).

  6. One time a gentleman called me offering to trade a wedding ring he had once given to his fiancé that didn’t work out for “multiple hours”. The thought did cross my mind but there was no way i was going sit through having that thing certified just to find out well, you know. Livestock is kind of amazing, you could become the world’s only high end escort/farm maiden. Think of the reality show possibilities…

  7. Oh the show name possibilities:

    Pounds for a pound


    Livestock & cocks

    Pushin Dirt

    Snowball Farms

    The Nipple Life

    Amanda’s Menage-arie

  8. Samantha — Ick. Not just going to the trouble of making sure it’s real, but the story behind it.

    If I move out to the country and have lots of acres, I could ask for help in stocking my land! Good idea!

  9. Happy New Years Amanda. I hope you have a wonderful 2013. Good luck achieving all of your goals. You are a talented writer and publisher.

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