Yeah, itâ€™s been a while. Iâ€™m still getting caught up with emails and life.
Obviously, my life has been in upheaval for the past couple months. Iâ€™ve been barely holding myself together since October and moving at the end of April pretty much capped it.
The relationship is over. That pain has been dealt with. The pain Iâ€™m still dealing with is what happened to me and how/why I let it happen. Though I canâ€™t really speak publicly about it, Iâ€™ve been threatened with various actions if I reveal too much. This blog has been censored since Day 1 and is still being censored. Itâ€™s a concern, but not a vital one for me to address at this moment.
Which leads to my karmic debt. So many people, including a lot Iâ€™ve never met, have offered support and help in various ways. And it has helped. There is no magic wand to make things better, but being alone makes things much worse.
Youâ€™ve let me know I am not alone.
There isnâ€™t enough I can possibly do to repay the kindness shown or the tolerance for my recent flakiness.
The more unfortunate side effect is that my personal energy is at an ebb and I have little energy to give to those who also need it. Several other friends have had crises too. But then, thatâ€™s what a support network is for. My small sisterhood of sex workers have been wonderful. There is so much love the outside world never sees and completely fails to understand.
Iâ€™m thinking of unretiring â€œAmanda.â€ Curious what others think. Of course, email me if youâ€™d prefer not to make your thoughts public. (This has nothing to do with the post I made in March, Iâ€™m talking about the Texas Golden Girl being an escort again â€“ no discreet secondary identities.)
Cons: making myself a target for police and psychos; being recognized when I donâ€™t want to be; being a subject of nosy reporters.
Pros: helping to remove stigma from sex workers; reacquainting with former clients (those whom Iâ€™ve lost email contact with); instant reputation and standing; probably healthy business. Mostly â€“ being out and proud!