Mizu shobai. The water trade. It is a constant stream, ebbing and flowing.

I’ve spent nights in ridiculously expensive suites in some of the best hotels in the world and bug-infested little rooms (hotels can offer more kinds of bugs than just cockroaches, BTW). One morning I checked out of my hotel with my bank account severely overdrawn and no place to go, that night I had a nice room paid for 3 nights and was $1000 to the good. I’ve been ripped off. I’ve been shorted. I’ve been tipped with lots of extra money and beautiful gifts. I’ve worked in situations and at rates most of my friends would never deign to do. I’ve worked in situations and at rates many envy.

The water trade. Continually ebbing and flowing.

I’ve had sex with soldiers, farmers, fellow adventurers and executives. I’ve had no sex with clients — very often. Men have cried, laughed, loved with me. I’ve had days where every single client screwed me into the mattress (God bless Australia). I have “done it for the money” because I disliked the client so much (this is very rare). I’ve fallen in love, knowing I will never see them again (this happens more often than the disliking bit). I’ve been bored, annoyed, drained, turned into a purring puddle of goo, energized, refreshed, happy. “Happy” is my most common reaction.

The water trade. It ebbs and flows.

I had a private incall for a while. I’ve done outcall-only. I often work out of my living space when on the road (hotel rooms). I have no actual home right now. I have 1 big bag, 1 purse, 1 netbook (and am now memory-stick free!). I’ve been wearing the basically the same clothes/shoes for well over a year (yes, I wash). My non-work wardrobe is centered around t-shirts/shorts/flip flops. I try not to spend more than $20 on a non-work clothing item because I just care that much.

Ebbs and flows.

I could’ve stayed home, re-built my escort business in 2008 and made a lot of money. I know the business, I know how to do it. I watch the girls who have read my books, I see their success. There but for the desire to re-follow that path goes I. I’ve made and spent my money. I have found and lost love. I’ve gone to a number of places, stayed in hotel rooms and seen nothing. I’ve seen beauty of great significance to me, I carry it with me until my memory fades. I don’t take a lot of photos, considering. I’ve stopped planning my life.

Ebb and flow.

We are all connected. The more I learn, the simpler and more infinite everything becomes.

Mizu shobai.

We are composed of over 60% water. The earth’s surface is 75% covered in water. The search for life in space begins with the search for water. We can be born in water. We quickly die without water. It is basic to our lives.

Sex is just as essential. It is the very concept of life. As one of my friends puts it, every single one of us is a “walking orgasm.”

Prostitution is as common as rain, a puddle, a river, a waterfall, an ocean. It comes in every imaginable form, some obvious and some not; some forms beautiful and some not. It is everywhere, limited only by the constraints of that situation.

A constant stream. It ebbs and flows, carrying the blossoms floating on the surface.

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47 thoughts on “floating blossom”

  1. Reading this post has confirmed something I have known for a long time. You are one of the most beautiful people I have ever been lucky enough to meet – and that has absolutely nothing to do with the way you look

    Be safe my friend
    Dr J

  2. Such a refreshing outlook. So much living and so much wisdom. One never bathes twice in the same river, and you know it. And it’s all right.

  3. I like this post. I know you think I don’t always ‘get’ what you write, but I like your style.

    What you wrote.. ..could be me.. I feel a blog post coming on!

  7. It’s a very deep post on the meaning of life and few questions arise. You seem to be bored of your current life which makes you look back (with nostalgia and it seems a bit of regret as well) at your past “golden girl” life. When living this life, have you been looking for a truth or a reality that you haven’t found there? Maybe you have been into it thinking of this life as a “dream life” and found it was the other way around? Maybe you have accomplished a lot and didn’t find anything that you felt was challenging enough… so far? Whatever it is, it’s wonderful that you open yourself up with so much delicacy in a blog post on the internet, where people are usually just looking for the quick hits. It’s really meaningful when it comes to portraying the person behind the books and behind the blog. Congrats.

  10. Wow. Thank you all. There was major hesitation in putting this out there.

    Dr J — THANK YOU. Big smile.

    Hobbyist — Guess that’s true, about bathing twice in the same river. I try not to.

    Sarah — Of what I’ve written, glad you “got” this one. Post a link to your blog when you get it done!

    Roomie — Thank you so much. I’m very glad you liked this. You’ve helped with some of that.

    Jeb — 😀

    Maggie — Thank you! Been reading more of your blog, which is incredible. But you know that! 😉

    RSRD — SO glad you liked this. I was aiming for lyrical. Thank you.

    Alicia — Not exactly. You’ve gotten this inverted. At one time yes, I missed those first couple of years. I had a hell of a time. But I’m not the same person anymore and I couldn’t go back even if I wanted to. I don’t want to anymore. That life, though great, was not fulfilling to me and I knew it wasn’t. Otherwise I would not have planned my books not too long after I started (yes indeed). I wanted something a bit more fulfilling than just collecting money and buying shit. Still true today.

    XX

  15. Wonderboy — Thank you. But I don’t always write like this, you know. 🙂

    Bee — Thank you too. Sounds like you may have some experiences of your own?

    GA — What a great comment! You’re an artist yourself. Thank you!

    XX

    PS: Ant, check your email 🙂

  17. You are amazing! To be honest, I was more keen on the escort service when I first came across you on the website, but I am now crestfallen but in happiness. You are a wonderful person to know, fall in love and live with. Sigh.. I am married. Your intellectual curiousity, choice of words, love for life is just so amazing.

    Cheers.

  18. your words wash, ebb, flow
    drenching cool my flustered morn –
    eddying calmness

    Beautiful One: In the years I have known you – I have never thought to post on this site. But this essay, this assay of golden poetry, prompts me to both poesy and applaud this comely flutter of your wings….

    I love you.

  22. Casey — Thank YOU!

    Peter Pan — Thank you. Of course you’re married 😉

    Slightly — You know how much that means to me. I created something that made you come out from your lurking. By the way, I think this is some of that patina you’ve been talking about.

    Norman — Thank you.

    Sequoia — Thank you! I have water associations with a lot of things, though I’m not a water-sign. Just seemed natural to me to go with it.

    Critical Alpha — I’m so glad you enjoyed this. Thank you!

    XX

  23. Dear Amanda:

    A poem for you

    Smile:

    Smile..Your smile is such a mystery to me,
    So intoxicating and charming, it will always be.

    God must have smiled when she first saw you,
    For such a smile can only be exquisite on a beautiful face like you.

    It is such a mystery to me,
    Your smile heaves from heaven with glee.

    Mystics and even Saints may travel the world to look for saints to worship.
    But in you, I see the one smile that helps to build kinship.

    Keep smiling for a beautiful world to be……

  26. Feeling a bit reflective, Amanda? You do it so well for someone still so young.

    It must be going around. I wrote this for my writing group this week.

    Every night I go to sleep with words. Every morning I wake up with words. Words shape my
    world. Words create my world. Words are my world.

    And there are times when I become very tired of my world.

    Every writer worthy of the title has those days/weeks/months/years when the words simply are not coming. You sit there and write and sometimes luck takes pity on you and what you’re writing doesn’t suck. But some days you sit there and tap on the keys hoping against hope that the words flowing from your head to your fingers are making some kind of sense.

    Sometimes they do. A lot of times they don’t.

    This is what Stephen King described as “shoveling shit from a sitting position.”

    Or in some cases “shoveling shit from a reclining position.”

    At one point or another we all ponder if we’re fulfilling any purpose higher than taking in and expelling oxygen, occupying space and wandering around aimlessly.

    I don’t know if there’s any definitive answers to life’s questions, but isn’t it fun asking?

  29. Jay — Thank you!

    Jason — Thank you.

    Parker — So glad you liked it!

    Jeff — I’ve often referred to that Stephen King quote. But this wasn’t about writing or questioning my life’s purpose.

    XX

  32. A beautiful and well written essay.
    For some Fall is a time to put the year on the shelf and get the box out for the packing away.
    For others, Fall is a time of reflection and an impetuous attitude to finish what could never be finished.
    Happiness arrives in the most unlikely places. Thank you for sharing. With your share my happiness level was raised.

    Live and love, very nice indeed Amanda.

  33. Sunshine,

    Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed this!

    Actually, it was my birthday that prompted this. My birthday post is coming soon. It’s funny that both were drafted on the same day; one is ethereal and the other bluntly real.

    XX

  35. This piece is the reason I feel as though I’m sitting on your shoulder riding with you as you go through life. You have a wonderful way of drawing in the reader and making things come to life. This is a very reflective piece that makes me look at my own life and work as another of my birthdays passes. Thank you.

  36. David,

    Thank you!

    Greg,

    Very much appreciated. Glad I inspired some self-reflection too! One friend said it made her want to read my autobiography, but I told her this was like the movie trailer. A full version of this would have a LOT of boring parts in it. A LOT.

    XX

  41. Extraordinarily well articulated. The timing and lyricism were neatly done. Erotic on several levels. Those displayed qualities make me hope that you charge a lot for your services because you’re obviously worth it.

  43. The Professor — Thank you! Appreciated all the way around!

    Kim — 🙂 (Though I think you meant to comment on a different post.) Ageism sucks; I’m hoping to fight it and inspire others to fight it.

    XX

  44. Amanda,
    I know not you personally but each time I experience you and your world through your writings it brings me to center, I know longer feel alone.
    BTW Your since of humor is worth it’s weight in gold!
    I’m slowly making my way into this world I know I need to be a part of.
    Keep writing what you may it is not only insightful but brillant!!!
    Dolores French would approve.
    If you will “a perversion” by Louise J. Kaplan
    tell me what you think. Jules

  45. Jules — Thank you! Glad you’re enjoying the catch-up reading. Appreciate the compliments.

    I’ll have to find the book and read it, I’ve never stumbled across it before.

  46. Good grief sorry about my spelling I have that dyselixa thing. Really! Any way it is a poem.
    For a woman to explore and express the fullness of her sexuality, her emotional and intellectual capacities, would entail who knows what risks and who knows what truly revolutionary alteration of the social conditions that demean and constrain her.
    Or she may go on trying to fit herself into the order of the world and thereby consign herself forever to the bondage of some stereotype of normal femininity – a perversion, if you will.
    — Louise J. Kaplan

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