Something has slowly dawned on me since I’ve been out of the US. It seems a lot of married clients suffer the delusion that I’ve never encountered a married client before. Let’s get rid of these delusions immediately.
Married clients make up the majority of any sex worker’s business. If it weren’t for marriage, the entire industry would collapse in a week — worldwide. With the exception of small towns full of men and few women, married men make up 90% or more of my clientele. I’m a big, big fan of marriage. I think everyone should do it.
However…
Married clients seem to believe that being married is like a disease or handicap and they deserve special treatment for it. No, marriage is not a rare and special condition (see above). I’m really, really used to dealing with married guys and you don’t need to tell me that you’re married. I automatically assume that you are and behave accordingly. Just another day in the life for me.
Your marriage is not a special, fragile, rare flower. It’s not a disease, it’s not a condition, it’s not a handicap. In fact, your marriage probably bores me as much as it bores you. It’s merely a fact of your life and usually the least interesting thing about you. Really, I don’t care — especially if I’m not going to see you again (long-term clients are a different story but that’s why I refer to my interactions with these clients as “relationships.”) The only way I can have fun with this is by playing a game of guessing how many years you’ve been married; I’m usually right. (I also like to figure out what’s lacking in your marriage, it helps me to help you!)
Married guys are not rare, special or interesting.* Single guys are the unique ones in the broad scheme of things. And they’re datable, bloggable material. (Have already covered that can of worms in-depth.) Single guys don’t waste a lot of time reminding me they’re single, just in case I forget and might do something to wreck their precious singledom. Single guys aren’t super-paranoid about trivial things which could be taken care of with a little common sense (I can offer suggestions, if you’d like). Single guys tend to think their singledom is not special or all that worthy of mention, which is refreshing.
So when you book with an escort, don’t tell her you’re married. She already knows.
*Talking solely about marital status, not the person himself.
PS: If you are married to more than one woman in more than one country, I find your marital status quite interesting. Otherwise your long-term, broken marriage with kids does not interest me.
PPS: If you really do believe your marriage is a special, fragile, rare flower — the bloom is probably off that flower if you’re seeing sex workers. I’m not judging, just pointing out a bit of truth.
PPPS: Those researchers who always seem so surprised that married men see sex workers are stupid and have obviously never worked in the industry themselves. I just wish their propaganda would stop making married clients believe they’re somehow unusual.
That is too funny, my first visit to an escort I felt I had to “confess” that I was married and make an excuse on why I was there. She just smiled and moved on to the next topic. I can just imagine her thinking…”oh great, another one, let him say his peace and lets get on with it.”
Now with my regulars we openly talk openly about it like friends…which we are.
Kenny,
I’m glad you got the joke!
A regular relationship is a different matter than a one-time visit. In all ways.
XX
WAIT….are you implying that all those times when an escort fell asleep as I was telling her about my marital troubles, she wasn’t just role playing a request for a special “wake up call”?
I always thought the snoring was a bit loud.
Can’t speak for the married bit, but as a singleton I always figured that getting my itch scratched was better done by avoiding amatuers. After all, who wants their car fixed by someone who they met at a club after a few too many drinks? 😉
Am hoping that when I take the marriage step, I will be honest about marriage vows. Or at least, honest about it… Watch this space…. 😉
Tom,
😀 You got me LOL! Thanks for that!
Jason,
Good point re: getting your car fixed by someone who’s had a few. Ha!
Or just write new marriage vows.
Few people can handle self-honesty or honesty with their partners. Best of luck to you, of course. Try not to marry someone who believes everything society tells them to.
XX
Tripped upon this blog looking for another Amanda Brooks but am delighted to see your post! As a woman (albeit not in the trade) who has had her share of attention by marrieds: You are spot on! Hilarious and true…. You rock girl! And I also hope that Jason doesn’t succumb to any b.s.
Jennifer,
Thank you! I’m glad you got a kick out of this regardless. Getting my ideas across to a broad swath of people is important to me (the majority of the time).
Oh…there are SEVERAL Amanda Brooks running around. Hope you found the one you wanted.
XX
Thanks Jennifer. Appreciate the well wishes. Have found me a good one so far, whom I can be me around. So, so far so good. And I’ll stop there, or it just gets sickening… 😉
Hope you also found the other Amanda you were looking for…
so with the married blokes, how much of your work has been just plain old wanting sex, and how much has been wanting a relationship of some sort?
Ant,
It’s a complicated thing because a lot depends on culture/society as well. But very rarely is a married guy just in it for sex. At least the clients I see. If they wanted mere sex, there are much cheaper options than I.
XX
So am i far off to say it is partially sex, and partially (maybe more so) a need for intimacy/illusion of intimacy (not just sex), or an emotional connection of some sort? And does it get more apparamt with the age of the bloke?
If you so dislike 90% of your clients and are so contemptuous of them and their lives and experience, why not leave them alone – or refer them to someone who can do the job you clearly can’t actually do.
Where does she say anything like that? All she’s saying is that she really doesn’t want to hear about their marriage, and that it shouldn’t be a surprise that most clients are married.
Ant,
Yes. I’ve been saying that for years. Sex work — even at the lowest levels — is rarely JUST about sex (street workers will tell you exactly the same thing). Men in Western societies use sex to get to the emotional. And many men will see a sex worker instead of a therapist because sex workers are more socially-acceptable than admitting one needs therapy (hence the high number of clients who don’t have actual sex). Not like these men tell people they see a sex worker instead of a therapist, but if discovered, he appears “normal” for seeing one, instead of someone with a “problem” who sees a therapist.
This is a WHOLE other topic. A huge one. Not one I’m getting into right at this moment. 🙂
Ivan,
WTF??? This is a humorous post. Read it again. And read Ant’s following comment. He got it.
Geez. Just goes to show I can’t write anything idiot-proof.
XX
You said: “Men in Western societies use sex to get to the emotional. And many men will see a sex worker instead of a therapist because sex workers are more socially-acceptable than admitting one needs therapy (hence the high number of clients who don’t have actual sex).”
You’re right — this IS a huge topic. Yes, we men do. Perhaps, when married sex gets routine, it no longer “gets [men] to the emotional.”
Alison Armstrong has done a lot of work on discovering how men and women differ in what makes them comfortable enough to get to the emotional. Because we (men and women) differ about that, we can easily get in each other’s way and block the other person’s path — even while thinking that we’re helping the other person (by doing what would be helpful for *us*).
A huge topic, indeed!
I agree, it is a huge topic, and one that probably effects everyone at some point. I am very interested in your take on it, and hope you do write about it in the future. I’d also be interested in the flip side, if people in your line of work also use it as a way of having a substitute or illusion of a relationship, or a way of feeling needed.
RSRD,
No, actually I mean a completely different thing. Sex helps men get to their own emotions, to work issues out and to simply be able to open up and talk about those issues. For many. For others, they simply want to create a new and exciting connection with someone. None of this is merely about sex, of course.
HUGE issues indeed.
Eastern men have a different approach to sex with a sex worker. Very different. Still haven’t sat down and written about that, I want a larger survey sample but I scare them off.
And I think regular readers on here know how I feel about the excitement of monogamous sex! 😛
Ant,
I touched on this in Book 1 in talking about what an escort’s clients would expect from her.
People who are naturally compassionate and caring are drawn to this work — for the same reason such people are drawn to nursing, elder-care, child-care and any number of other high-touch, highly-emotional professions. Both my sister and I are in the service industry in theraputic fields, though she is not and will never be a sex worker.
Is this feeding a need in the person? Possibly. Does it often feel draining? Yes. An illusion of a relationship? Some of us like this wispy line between fantasy and reality quite a bit, just like actors or writers (I assume). I’ve yet to meet a sex worker who thinks her client-relationships supercede anything in her real life, if that’s what you’re asking (though when dealing with a partner who is a drain and contributes nothing, she will kick him to the curb and wait for someone for will treat her better than her clients, not worse).
XX
So well put! Maybe some day, insurance will cover sex work therapy!
David,
There are a number of people, sex workers and clients, who have tried to argue for that. I think they’re right!
Studies are coming out now showing the value of sex and physical contact — that’s medical as well.
XX
idk, i don’t see that ever being a part of Barak Obama’s health care strategy.
Now it’d be a different story if Bill Clinton was in office! 😉
Reproduction is something wired into our genetic code. It’s an evolutionary thing that made that one assexual reproductive first thing want to combine itself with something that seemed to be able to survive better for whatever reason. Women want the best possible “donation” for strong kids, while men want to spread it around across as many “best” possibilities as they can. Simple as. If we didn’t have that, the species would have died out at the first mention of the word “headache”. 😉
Monogamy is merely something that can be one of two things…
a) She’s MINE, so f$ck off or we’ll all shun you and ensure you go to jail/burn in hell/death by stoning
or b) I want you to give MY offspring the characteristics that I like in you by only accepting my seed and in return, I will try and make sure there is a better chance of that by adhering to the same restrictions…
Ant,
One can always hope!
Jason,
Monogamy is a social thing created by men through religion out of concern for money. Back when women ruled the earth (i.e. goddess-culture), there was no such thing as monogamy. It was an alien concept.
Which makes me laugh when people think that women are the monogamous ones.
XX
Amanda,
I thought one good laugh deserves another. 🙂
When I first read this I laughed out loud because I did the same thing. I had what I considered to be a strange situation and I gave a long drawn out explanation which must have been very boring. That in itself was therapeutic as I got everything off my chest. Since with each new escort I saw that starting explanation slowly tapered off till it disappeared.
Your point on therapy is correct in my case, I originally saw an escort to help me get past a mental block that developed as a result of my marriage. Since I was just separated at the time and I knew that seeing a therapist weekly wouldn’t be discrete enough(my kids find out almost everything), would take too long and not give me the physical contact that I was craving. Subsequent visits have built back up the confidence that had been destroyed over the years and proven many things that the ex said wrong.
The post encounter talks with my regular escort have cleared up many things in my life and she has mentioned enjoying the encounters so I hope that it is as much as a two way street as she says it is.
Tom,
Yup, I’m laughing. Gently. Just like ya’ll really don’t want to know the weird and winding path we took to become escorts, we don’t need to know all the gory details that led you to us.
But…the right escort is extremely theraputic in so many ways, as you have illustrated. Once you establish a genuine relationship with a regular escort, she is being sincere when she says she enjoys your conversations. Many, many escorts like to feel that they make a positive difference. And, just like any human interaction, both parties can tell when they are liked or when there is chemistry. I think you’re doing fine right where you are. Sure sounds like it!
XX
There is an entire literature showing the impact of touch on blood pressure and immune function – all in a postive direction. I think the day will come when insurers recognize how sex work services can save them money – which always motivates them:)
David,
It probably won’t come in this country first. In countries that encourage preventative health care, like the EU/UK, who also have a more tolerant views of sex work — it could happen!
Men around the world will celebrate that day, I think.
XX
Yes we will!
Nina,
🙂
The ENTIRE adult entertainment industry exists because of marriage. That’s why I love marriage.
XX
Ok, so I am married, and looking for an escort. I found someone from ads that seems to look good etc. I got denied because I happen to be self employed so I can’t get a reference? How do I go about getting a reference if I can’t get a date?
I am posting this here because of your responses to comments and it is close to topic.
Thanks,
best
New,
Depends on the escort. Not all escorts require references but they MUST be able to verify your employment (making sure you’re NOT employed by any police department). If there is no way to verify your self-employment, offer her a quick paid coffee chat (30 minutes at whatever her 30 minute rate might be). Be prepared to show her ID upon meeting. Meet during daytime at a busy public place where she will feel comfortable. You’ll win bonus points for paying for her time w/o a hassle.
There are plenty of girls who don’t screen at all and go “on instinct.” I find that’s way too risky when we’re talking about the games police will play to arrest someone. But you may be fine with seeing girls who don’t screen. Up to you!
Nina,
Since most clients are older (still, though the demographic is starting to shift), most were married under the same strict societal guidelines their wives married under. Which means the marriage contract makes BOTH people miserable. We only see half of it because generally escorts don’t see married women.
I understand the point you make about the client/escort relationship being based on hypocrisy. Not at all are and I accept that. Some are, and I’m good with that too. That’s why I’m being paid. All these tangled issues of marriage are what forms the compensation I request. I don’t think it’s quite THAT black and white, but it is close. I’m actually quite happy with these relationships with strict boundaries. It suits me. I’ll poke fun (and I poke fun at myself too, often), but I’m not going to judge. Most clients are trying to make the best of a bad situation. I do often wonder what their wives do in the same situation to make the best of things.
Lots of clients believe lots of stupid media stereotypes of escorts. The “research” that forms these beliefs (like we’re all beaten on a daily basis) is a huge part of the problem in trying to reform laws in the US. This argument is a large part of the basis of the sex worker rights movement in the US. Another story, another time 🙂
But yes, clients are just like anyone else and if they have no better idea, then they’re going to believe the stereotypes presented to them. How else would they know any differently? Mostly it’s just a sign of their critical-thinking skills and where their personal issues lie. All of which is important information to an escort.
My favorite clients are those who approach me as a unique individual and the only preconceived notions they have come from what I tell them on my ads/website/blog. If a client has a clear sense of self and a clear sense of me as a unique person, than stereotypes go out the window and what happens between us is unique simply because we are two individuals meeting and whatever path we make is our own. Not everyone gets that but happily more men get it than don’t. (Maybe I’m self-selecting though.)
XX
“Idiot proof”….what does one begin to say at a personal ad hominen attack in respones to a morally serious criticism? I know it was supposed to be humourous, but there is an undercurrent (actually, no, it’s right there on the surface) of mockery toward men who value their marriages and are in pain about it…and have come to a point of desperation and crisis in their lives and who have – perhaps for the first time toward anyone – opened up about some of their deepest pain to an escort. I’m wondering if you have done this so much that you don’t see that any more…just as a doctor sees many patients, loses perspective on the gravity of what s/he is dealing with (my wife is in medicine, and the gallows humour is funny only to other doctors…perhaps your humour here is of that type, not gallows humour…but analagous, the trivialising humour of someone who cannot possibly deal with the reality of the pain being expressed (not criticising you here, neither am I criticising doctors, it is an emotional survival mechanism).
I am a university professor (yes, we are all “idiots” I suppose, thank you), and I deal with the issues of hundreds of students, who’s names I forget, on a daily basis. For them, it is make or break for their careers. I can’t carry all of their emotion with me…but I never belittle their lives through humour, and I never trivialise them to others merely because their problems are commonplace, not unique. And I am never smug toward them for thinking that their problems are unique. Who is “Ant” that “gets it”. Is he a married man in pain that has found solace in the arms of an escort (as I am?).
I have re-read your article, and the current of contempt is there, you may even be unaware of it, but it is there. It is expressed in condescension (perhaps manifest in belitting statements about “idiots” for that matter). There is no compassion there, and what I was writing (and I make no attempts at “idiot proofing”) is that acceptance, or at least a reasonable simulation of acceptance without a twitching cornern of the mouth, is what these men want, and you post does not show anything close to acceptance. So, you are not giving them what they truly want (though you may imagine you are…I have read escorts complaining that clients think they know what an escort really thinks…but neither can an esocrt know what the client truly thinks..I do..should you choose to listen).
“Who is “Ant†that “gets itâ€. Is he a married man in pain that has found solace in the arms of an escort (as I am?).”
Ant happens to be a married man in pain, that had found solace in a mostly platonic friendship with someone, that took a turn for the worse, and who ended up with just more pain. I have not sought solice in the arms of an escort (not that i think there is anything wrong with it) or anyone else.
You are missing her point completely
“Who is “Ant†that “gets itâ€. Is he a married man in pain that has found solace in the arms of an escort (as I am?).”
Ant happens to be a married man in pain, that had found solace in a mostly platonic friendship with someone, that took a turn for the worse, and who ended up with just more pain. I have not sought solice in the arms of an escort (not that i think there is anything wrong with it) or with anyone else.
You are either missing her point completely, or just trying to engage in a deeper conversation.
All she was saying is married men having issues isn’t something out of the norm, and seeking comfort in one way or another isn’t that unusual either.
Ant,
Thank you for sharing. You and commenter Tom have some similarities. Both of you also have critical-thinking skills and seem to get my sense of humour at a distance. I would not call Ivan’s comments an “attempt” at “deeper conversation.”
Ivan,
I am indeed poking fun at men who somehow think that being a married client is special. That’s the whole entire point of the post. Finally, you get it! And it took your educated, professor self HOW many reads?
If you think because I’m an escort I’m supposed to blog in some particular vein or another, you have another think coming. I say whatever the hell I want because this is my space for my own expression (and I sometimes moderate because it is not YOUR space). I’m not always going to be all rainbows and unicorns or orgasms and bodily fluids. If you can’t handle that, you’re more than welcome to leave. Door’s that way.
You can assume all sorts of things about me, just like everyone else already does. I can assume all sorts of things about you. The only things I could rightly assume from your original comment is either I don’t write as clearly as I think I do or — you’re a dolt when it comes to reading-comprehension. Leave the armchair psychoanalyzing to people who know me a lot better than you do.
XX
Maybe they dont really think they are special. Maybe they are saying the words to the escort, but in fact are really explaining it to themselves, and need to as a way of convinging themselves that it is ok to do what they are about to do. thats where i could see a deeper discussion going…
Ant,
No, they do think they’re special and somehow unique. It’s always as a word of warning and caution because they’re MARRIED (as opposed to all my other clients who are also married). Self-rationalization comes into play in other areas, though can be here too. That’s a whole other area of discussion.
I’m just talking about the guys who think the mere fact they’re married is so incredibly unique it’s worthy of mention, because they seem to think they’re the only married man who sees escorts. Or, as I said in one sentence, some married men somehow see their marriage as a condition of some kind or another. Not only is marriage NOT a condition, viewing one’s marriage as a condition is not healthy (IMO).
XX
I am sorry to have to comment so late in the piece but i have a bit to say here.
Firstly to Ant, Nice work I loved your comments and an interesting point of view.
Ivan, are you serious? I do not know what your school is in the university in which you propose to teach however I would like to voice a number of concerns I have with your comments. (SIC) “For them, it is make or break for their careers. I can’t carry all of their emotion with me…but I never belittle their lives through humour, and I never trivialise them to others merely because their problems are commonplace, not unique.”
It is noble and right that you should be a counseling ear and the comments you make are only those of the actions a person should take particularly in your position as an educator. However these are not unique, any manager on the planet deals with this ten fold. I get university graduates every year in my field and after a year or so of breaking them in and removing the veil of “Entitlement” most seem to come with they actually become great employees and friends. However a University education is NOT the be all and end all. Oh incase you are wondering I did not get my university degree till I was 35. As for me personally this project in the last two years I have been responsible for spending $2.6Billion of the $7.9Billion dollar project so believe me I understand creating careers. (Guess that makes me an idiot by your definition)
So I guess the long way to my point is I am single, I do see escorts. I work in far out of the way places of the world. I see escorts for the sex of course but more than that I miss being able to talk to someone. I am not using escorts of therapists, it is nice to speak my native language (English) with someone after extended periods of being away or in foreign countries. It is nice to gaze upon a beautiful woman and know you can say anything and have real conversation because there is no preconceptions, or you are not representing a company. I have developed fantastic rapport and friendship with my regulars and many of them are friends. Guess what I am getting at is treat them like people and you might be surprised what happens…… Married single green white blue grey yellow black makes no difference, just be a person.
I’ve read comments by strippers chuckling over guys removing their rings before going into the club… do they think strippers are looking at their marital status???
Actually visiting a sex worker is a much more sensible approach for a married man, there are none of the complex issues: jealousy, intrusion into his personal life, possessiveness that could occur with conventional dating.
I think there is a lot more honesty with a sex worker, both parties know why they are there, both parties know they don’t own the other person. In the case of a married client, what’s to hide? He is there because has needs and this is the most discreet way of attending to them. She’s not going to steal him away.
It’s a much better way of handling one’s needs than in the clandestine dating market. I’ve been causually asked if I were married, and I casually answered.
Aussie Flatmate,
Interesting comments, but i am not sure about having escorts as friends. Now i am not singling out escorts, but people in general. I think that people become a bit more friendly in certain work related “relationships”, (yes poppet this is directed at you!), but i personally believe they are friendships of convenience, and that few if any of them would be there if things went way south in your life. So few people really go out of their way for others.
And yes, this rant is because of someone who said they were a “real friend”, but turned their back when i was having a hard time
Your mileage may vary…
Jay,
No, strippers don’t really care about anything but the disposable income you have at that moment.
The reasons you just stated are why many men see escorts (not the only reasons, but some biggies). Exactly.
Ant,
We’ve all been burned (have you read my post about escort-dating?). Going from client to friend is quite a different matter than anything we’re discussing here but some men manage it quite well — for exactly the reasons my flatmate stated: treating escorts like people.
Of course, there is absolutely NO requirement for all clients to become friends. This is another matter of mutual consent and generally both parties are quite happy to keep the relationship within the boundaries of the original arrangement. That’s why it exists and flourishes so well.
Just keep in mind that escorts are people too and sometimes we meet clients who really click (one way or another) and real friendships are born. It’s actually more common than successful escort/client romantic relationships. Every escort I know has a couple of client-friends (or friends who were former clients). Not every escort is willing to date a client.
I don’t feel these friendships are matters of convenience for either party because…that’s not what a true friendship is about, regardless of circumstance. (PS: Good topic! I hadn’t considered the friendship aspect before.)
XX
sorry I did not mean to hijack your thread, and I am particularly bitter right now.
anyway and back to the point, I would be very interested if you would write about the issues and challenges maintaining personal and or intimate relationships with other people while still working as an escort.
I can imagine that it might get very confusing emotionally sometimes
ps you owe me a coffee for the idea ! lol
Well not much one can say after Amanda replied to that! I love the idea of the topic of Friendship and the escort. (ohh almost sounds like a Disney Movie) Ant I’ll buy you a coffee for that one.
To I guess answer a few points of Ants, I feel how burned you have been, believe me been there. It is hard for me to trust people for exactly the reasons you state. I think of people in my life in two ways. I have friends and acquaintances. I have a few hundred people on my facebook I am “friends” with however maybe 30 of those would by my true life friends. the rest are people that mean something to my life.
I am fortunate that I would count Amanda and another friend of ours in that 30 people. These are friendships forged over time.
Ant I do truly see your point and it is a very good one. I guess I am the lucky one that has been able to make this work…….
Thanks mate! No insult intended, but i’d rather swoon over her smile! 😛
Ant,
I’ve written about it in various guises already. Click around here 🙂
PS: To your friendship statement — I should also add that anyone who burns you like that is not a real friend to begin with, but I guess that was your point. Non-real friends can be found everywhere though, in all the same places real friends can be found.
Flatmate,
Thank you.
XX
Interesting and very funny read. Thank you, Amanda for the post.
I agree with Jay. As a married woman, I see sex workers for the companionship 1ST. I have needs as well as the next married man. An intimate connection with a man who is happy to sit quietly and I do not have to concern myself with them to be interested in what I am doing. Just to Be is freeing. We both know the drill.
Monogamy also leads to monotony. The sex is secondary. True it is a fabulous secondary. I also am with David. I would like to use my HSA account on my well-being expenditures.
Sunshine,
You’re welcome and I’m glad you enjoyed!
Thank you so much for illustrating some of the universal points I’ve tried to make (over the years) about the role that sex workers fulfill, how traditional relationships cause unhappiness for everyone and that human needs are human needs — not “man” vs “woman.”
XX
Is it that traditional relationships cause unhappiness, or that we have forgot how to treat those who we should be closest to?
Ant,
The way traditional relationships are structured and their expectations on both parties certainly lead to unhappiness. Traditional relationships don’t take into consideration realistic human nature.
And then yeah, people just have a hard time being nice to each other. If you’re already unhappy and feeling trapped in a relationship, it’s going to be even harder to be nice.
XX
Amanda – I take responsibility for my own happiness which is why I see Male Companions. I like to think of friendships(relationships) as healthy or non healthy in terms of emotional well-being. With no expectation of any person to make me happy.
Ant – I have experienced my personal boundaries to be more respected by sex workers more so then any of my day to day relationship. Whether this is with my spouse, my family, my historic friends, even new friends and last but not least even co-workers. I live outside the box of traditional and have made myself very happy indeed.
I am only speaking for myself when I say, we have a loss within society. The loss is common courtesy towards anyone either close or not close. This big of a loss could cause one to have sadness and be nostalgic. Receiving the respect of common courtesy and giving such back within the sex worker community not only makes me happy it is downright euphoric.
Sunshine,
Yes you do now. But in the beginning of your adult life, you (like most people) probably believed in some of the expectations of traditional relationships. I would be very surprised if you didn’t.
XX
“The way traditional relationships are structured and their expectations on both parties certainly lead to unhappiness. Traditional relationships don’t take into consideration realistic human nature.”
Thanks for putting it this way, Amanda. I would know, but much of society seems to be in denial about this and I’m a bit tired of being looked at suspiciously for being a never-married loner with no kids at my age (pushing 50). Nervous jokes about body parts in closets usually follow. 🙂
As you said, sex workers couldn’t care less. Sometimes they feign interest in marital status, but it’s usually to break the ice and feel you out, not to judge, and that’s so refreshing.
On another blog, an escort still stated that “men who pay for it aren’t fit for real relationships” in a very derogatory manner, and this made me both sad and suspicious of her real sex work creds.
Hobbyist,
I get looked at suspiciously because I’m a single female traveler who is older than 30. I think I share your feelings.
That escort makes me sad too. She hates her job and herself — she shouldn’t be here. I poke fun at clients quite often (especially if they piss me off). At the end of the day, they’re just another human being with all the same needs I have. Our lives have just taken different paths.
XX
Marriage is an economical institute .It’s the cheapest contract evolved over time with lots of trial and error .The cost of woman is cheapest here for the man ,ofcourse u have to compromise ur freedom .But u get it fairly [that could be illusory and ofcourse inflationary] on demand .
Praj — I agree that marriage is historically (and often even now) a financial arrangement. But the more advantageous arrangement for women is prostitution — which is one of the major reasons why I think it’s so stigmatized. Historically, it’s also offered women the maximum societal freedom they could have.
Though if I said I pitied men’s wallets I would be lying. 🙂
XX
Prostitution is not beneficial to most of the women except those who can capitalise; through buisness sense ;their assets–speaking,looks ,body condition .
While marraiage with its attendent rules of game-loyalty,division oflabour,service
offered;is more broad based model
suitable for majority!Then what that minority [both sexes]should be doing -cheating and escorting!And that’s why Richard Dawkins states that why ‘Cheats ‘ will be part of population however only as minority [Read Selfish Genes]
“Cheats” a minority? In what part of the world would that be? 😉
Prostitution is an option, just like marriage, celibacy, or dedication to a career. As long as no one is forced into anything, options are good, don’t you think?
Clearly, some women are exploited or go into things for the wrong reasons (desperation or foolishness), but there’s enough pros empowered by prostitution and enjoying the work to make me believe that it’s not a bad thing in and of itself at all, as long as the person is cut for it.
Although women are very able to manipulate men as wives, they are also put in a very subservient position there in much of the world (the man mostly wears the pants in public).
I think that what makes prostitution so repulsive to a lot of people is the idea that a woman can be in control of her body, sexuality, income, and morals. Very threatening to religious freaks, women who operate more covertly, and men who are secretly afraid of women.
And since a lot of these types can be found in government and powerful lobby groups… it’s no wonder why sex workers are persecuted. They’re not a threat to marriage – human nature is.
Prostitutes and courtesans have offered an option to unhappily married (and bored) men forever, and that’s why they’ve been largely tolerated except in the most puritanical/hypocritical societies (like ours!).
Praj — I’m at a loss, really. I’m sorry. I think Hobbyist has made a better guess than I at the point you’re making.
Though I will say that based on surveys, DNA tests and just life experiences: cheating spouses are the majority for both sexes. Men just seem to be the more obvious cheats (until you do paternity tests).
Hobbyist — “I think that what makes prostitution so repulsive to a lot of people is the idea that a woman can be in control of her body, sexuality, income, and morals. Very threatening to religious freaks, women who operate more covertly, and men who are secretly afraid of women.
And since a lot of these types can be found in government and powerful lobby groups… it’s no wonder why sex workers are persecuted. They’re not a threat to marriage – human nature is.”
Hear hear.
Really? I think it’s sweet when they feel comfortable enough to open up to me. I also think a compulsion to be honest with me is a good sign.
Anna — They’re being pointlessly honest because it’s really obvious when a man is married. He doesn’t even need to speak a word (I can count the exceptions on one hand). It’s also because I naturally assume they are. It’s the default mode for clients.