Something has slowly dawned on me since I’ve been out of the US. It seems a lot of married clients suffer the delusion that I’ve never encountered a married client before. Let’s get rid of these delusions immediately.
Married clients make up the majority of any sex worker’s business. If it weren’t for marriage, the entire industry would collapse in a week — worldwide. With the exception of small towns full of men and few women, married men make up 90% or more of my clientele. I’m a big, big fan of marriage. I think everyone should do it.
However…
Married clients seem to believe that being married is like a disease or handicap and they deserve special treatment for it. No, marriage is not a rare and special condition (see above). I’m really, really used to dealing with married guys and you don’t need to tell me that you’re married. I automatically assume that you are and behave accordingly. Just another day in the life for me.
Your marriage is not a special, fragile, rare flower. It’s not a disease, it’s not a condition, it’s not a handicap. In fact, your marriage probably bores me as much as it bores you. It’s merely a fact of your life and usually the least interesting thing about you. Really, I don’t care — especially if I’m not going to see you again (long-term clients are a different story but that’s why I refer to my interactions with these clients as “relationships.”) The only way I can have fun with this is by playing a game of guessing how many years you’ve been married; I’m usually right. (I also like to figure out what’s lacking in your marriage, it helps me to help you!)
Married guys are not rare, special or interesting.* Single guys are the unique ones in the broad scheme of things. And they’re datable, bloggable material. (Have already covered that can of worms in-depth.) Single guys don’t waste a lot of time reminding me they’re single, just in case I forget and might do something to wreck their precious singledom. Single guys aren’t super-paranoid about trivial things which could be taken care of with a little common sense (I can offer suggestions, if you’d like). Single guys tend to think their singledom is not special or all that worthy of mention, which is refreshing.
So when you book with an escort, don’t tell her you’re married. She already knows.
*Talking solely about marital status, not the person himself.
PS: If you are married to more than one woman in more than one country, I find your marital status quite interesting. Otherwise your long-term, broken marriage with kids does not interest me.
PPS: If you really do believe your marriage is a special, fragile, rare flower — the bloom is probably off that flower if you’re seeing sex workers. I’m not judging, just pointing out a bit of truth.
PPPS: Those researchers who always seem so surprised that married men see sex workers are stupid and have obviously never worked in the industry themselves. I just wish their propaganda would stop making married clients believe they’re somehow unusual.
“The way traditional relationships are structured and their expectations on both parties certainly lead to unhappiness. Traditional relationships don’t take into consideration realistic human nature.”
Thanks for putting it this way, Amanda. I would know, but much of society seems to be in denial about this and I’m a bit tired of being looked at suspiciously for being a never-married loner with no kids at my age (pushing 50). Nervous jokes about body parts in closets usually follow. 🙂
As you said, sex workers couldn’t care less. Sometimes they feign interest in marital status, but it’s usually to break the ice and feel you out, not to judge, and that’s so refreshing.
On another blog, an escort still stated that “men who pay for it aren’t fit for real relationships” in a very derogatory manner, and this made me both sad and suspicious of her real sex work creds.
Hobbyist,
I get looked at suspiciously because I’m a single female traveler who is older than 30. I think I share your feelings.
That escort makes me sad too. She hates her job and herself — she shouldn’t be here. I poke fun at clients quite often (especially if they piss me off). At the end of the day, they’re just another human being with all the same needs I have. Our lives have just taken different paths.
XX
Marriage is an economical institute .It’s the cheapest contract evolved over time with lots of trial and error .The cost of woman is cheapest here for the man ,ofcourse u have to compromise ur freedom .But u get it fairly [that could be illusory and ofcourse inflationary] on demand .
Praj — I agree that marriage is historically (and often even now) a financial arrangement. But the more advantageous arrangement for women is prostitution — which is one of the major reasons why I think it’s so stigmatized. Historically, it’s also offered women the maximum societal freedom they could have.
Though if I said I pitied men’s wallets I would be lying. 🙂
XX
Prostitution is not beneficial to most of the women except those who can capitalise; through buisness sense ;their assets–speaking,looks ,body condition .
While marraiage with its attendent rules of game-loyalty,division oflabour,service
offered;is more broad based model
suitable for majority!Then what that minority [both sexes]should be doing -cheating and escorting!And that’s why Richard Dawkins states that why ‘Cheats ‘ will be part of population however only as minority [Read Selfish Genes]
“Cheats” a minority? In what part of the world would that be? 😉
Prostitution is an option, just like marriage, celibacy, or dedication to a career. As long as no one is forced into anything, options are good, don’t you think?
Clearly, some women are exploited or go into things for the wrong reasons (desperation or foolishness), but there’s enough pros empowered by prostitution and enjoying the work to make me believe that it’s not a bad thing in and of itself at all, as long as the person is cut for it.
Although women are very able to manipulate men as wives, they are also put in a very subservient position there in much of the world (the man mostly wears the pants in public).
I think that what makes prostitution so repulsive to a lot of people is the idea that a woman can be in control of her body, sexuality, income, and morals. Very threatening to religious freaks, women who operate more covertly, and men who are secretly afraid of women.
And since a lot of these types can be found in government and powerful lobby groups… it’s no wonder why sex workers are persecuted. They’re not a threat to marriage – human nature is.
Prostitutes and courtesans have offered an option to unhappily married (and bored) men forever, and that’s why they’ve been largely tolerated except in the most puritanical/hypocritical societies (like ours!).
Praj — I’m at a loss, really. I’m sorry. I think Hobbyist has made a better guess than I at the point you’re making.
Though I will say that based on surveys, DNA tests and just life experiences: cheating spouses are the majority for both sexes. Men just seem to be the more obvious cheats (until you do paternity tests).
Hobbyist — “I think that what makes prostitution so repulsive to a lot of people is the idea that a woman can be in control of her body, sexuality, income, and morals. Very threatening to religious freaks, women who operate more covertly, and men who are secretly afraid of women.
And since a lot of these types can be found in government and powerful lobby groups… it’s no wonder why sex workers are persecuted. They’re not a threat to marriage – human nature is.”
Hear hear.
Really? I think it’s sweet when they feel comfortable enough to open up to me. I also think a compulsion to be honest with me is a good sign.
Anna — They’re being pointlessly honest because it’s really obvious when a man is married. He doesn’t even need to speak a word (I can count the exceptions on one hand). It’s also because I naturally assume they are. It’s the default mode for clients.